Losing weight is incredibly difficult for most people, and it can feel even harder when your partner is the type who can eat all he wants and never gain an ounce.
One guy on Reddit found himself in this situation with his girlfriend, who became angry that he was eating huge meals instead of joining her on her doctor-recommended diet.
He wasn’t sure about how he’d responded to things, so he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the username mygftoldmetolosekg on the site, asked:
“AITA for not ‘supportive’ of my gf’s weight loss journey?”
He explained:
“Background:”
“My (28M[ale]) GF (28F[emale]) has been steadily gaining weight to the point of obesity.”
“Doctor told her to lose weight because she would occasionally feel light headed.”
“Yesterday we were meeting for our date. She was late for 15 minutes. So I grabbed an ice cream. I was hungry because I went to the gym. I lift like 4 times a week.”
“Anyway she saw me eating the ice cream and didn’t react till we went to the restaurant.”
“My workout was rather heavy that day so I order rice with chicken and vegetables upsize (25% more) while she ordered salad. She told the waiter this”
“GF : I don’t think he is having the meal upsize. Change it to normal”
“The waiter looked at me”
“Me : I will be having it upsize.”
“Waiter left and gf told me”
“GF : Why upsize? You just had an ice cream.”
“Me : I just went to the gym. I am hungry.”
“GF : Then it’s easier to lose weight.”
“Me : You are the one that is supposed to lose weight not me.”
“She looked at me angrily and left.”
“GF called me today.”
“GF : Are you ready to apologize? Do you know how hard is it to lose weight if you weren’t supportive?”
“Me : What do you want me to do? I was hungry?”
“GF : Lose weight with me”
“Me : If you wanted me to lose weight with you then you should join me in the gym too. I worked my butt off in the gym. You just ordered salad and thought you would magically lose weight.”
“(GF changed her diet but her lifestyle is still pretty sedentary)”
“She hung up but I could hear her crying.”
“AITA?”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this conflict based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And while many could emphasize with OP’s girlfriend’s situation, most agreed that OP had done nothing wrong.
“NTA. My husband and I have completely different goals too. He wants to put on muscle and I want to lose fat.”
“He eats more calories and I am in a deficit. Yeah, It seems unfair but our goals are different.”
“She needs to learn to accept that. Maybe she’s really struggling. Ask her to communicate with you better” –Individual-Ebb-6797
“Yea she’s definitely being unreasonable but it sounds like it stems from her struggling with her weight.”
“I think they should talk it out rather than focusing on this small incident, which is probably just a symptom of a larger problem.” –actionruairi
“NTA – she’s not allowed to control you or what you put in your body. Just because she needs to restrict her calories doesn’t mean you need to.”
“Sorry she was upset – but she’s being completely unreasonable.” –DragonFireLettuce
“Also, there was seemingly no prior discussion about OP actively supporting her in her weight loss by dieting in solidarity with her.”
“That was a unilateral decision that she made and just assumed that OP would psychically pick up on.”
“Then she got mad at OP when they failed to read her mind and anticipate her unspoken request for some kind of shared health journey.”
“It’d be slightly different if she’d actually asked OP prior to please refrain from eating unhealthy foods like ice cream in front of her.”
“OP would still have the right to refuse, of course, and she’d still be the AH for reacting this way, but at least then her desire for more active support from OP would’ve been clear prior.” –DumpstahKat
“If a man had tried to control what his girlfriend was eating, he’d be called abusive. The rules apply to OP’s gf, she’s being controlling, which is abusive.”
“Good for OP for standing up for himself, but his relationship does NOT sound healthy as it stands.” –lemmful
“NTA. she’s being unreasonable. Also, if you were to ‘lose weight with her’ it might not be as encouraging as she thinks. Hubs and I both wanted to lose weight.”
“I did waaaay more than he did and still lost less. It kind of just fell off him and I worked my ass off. His metabolism was just more responsive.” –Pretty_Assistant1310
“I agree that OP is NTA.”
“But am wondering if gf:”
“1) needs help from a nutritionist or maybe a team (nutritionist, trainer, weight loss doctor, etc.) to assess and then come up with a plan of diet, exercise, and whatever else to work toward a goal of health, not just weight loss, but whole health.”
“and 2) if gf is in a low point of her weight loss process and that day she hit bottom and took it out on OP…not making her right but maybe explaining?”
“Don’t think OP needs to apologize but do think maybe he needs to sit down and talk together with her about what her overall plan is, show her he’s interested and wants her to be healthy in a whole way that includes diet, exercise, review of any meds she may be on that can cause weight gain, etc. and possibly a change of her mindset (if she really i snow “obese” as OP wrote).” –farsical111
“NTA I agree that she can’t control what you do. The little tiny bit of this I question is her not being able to lose weight without increasing exercise.”
“Something like 80% weight loss is about the diet side so whilst she may not lose as quickly, she can still lose” –Vickimus1987
“Agreed, my mom is doing an incredibly hard diet where she can’t eat a lot of the things my family and I eat so if we run out she doesn’t notice, but if we call and ask her to get more bread.”
“Or fruit, or even chocolate that she can’t eat she’ll get it, and she’s even actively encouraging me to pursue cooking because I found a lot of recipes for homemade desserts and bread and stuff I want to try and she can’t eat any of it (I’m trying to find one that she can eat)”
“ops GF seems to think her diet choices are automatically ones OP needs to take as well but they’re not.” –GremlinComandr
“Can you imagine what she would have done before her diet if he had changed HER order to something healthier to fit his lifestyle??”
“The gateway to Hell would have swallowed him whole.”
“OP, you are NTA. Your gf owes you a massive apology. Show her this thread. If she can’t see how she is wrong, then bounce. She’s selfish and controlling.” –jokenaround
“I say this as someone who has lost 20 lb.”
“If she needs to lose weight that’s on her. She doesn’t get to dictate your diet, and then say that you need to lose weight with her.”
“You are already taking care of your health by exercising regularly and eating properly. She is projecting her insecurities onto you.”
“And if she is obese enough to get to the point where she’s getting lightheaded then yeah, she needs to lose the weight.”
“Has she been worked up for any endocrine issues that are causing the weight gain? Or is it all a function of her diet and exercise habits?”
“What you said is correct, that she is the one who was advised by her doctor to lose weight for her own health. Was the way you said it helpful? No, but you weren’t wrong.”
“Either way her behavior is not appropriate. She needs to understand that people around her will be eating things she can’t have. It sucks, but it’s a reality.”
“NTA” –limegeuse
“i lost 175lbs. I no way in hell tell my husband what to eat.”
“He supports my weight loss and even trys to eat healthier around me even though i told him not too that its okay because this was MY choice.”
“Its not right for me to decide he cant have what he wants just because of me. NTA” –Homicidal__Goldfish
“I lost 46 pounds within the last 10 months, there’s no way in hell that I would tell my parents or my sister to change what they eat just for my sake.”
“I have more restraint when it comes to food and I’m way more active.”
“I started off with longer walks with my dog, then I did jogging, and 2 weeks ago I started weight lifting with my dad because I want to gain muscle.” –Rude_Bicycle5761