It’s always a bittersweet moment for parents when their children start to outgrow their clothes.
This means they are no longer babies and are growing up.
And usually outgrow all their clothes quite rapidly.
More often than not, those clothes are passed on to other babies and toddlers.
The sister-in-law (SIL) of Redditor recently announced that she was expecting her fourth child.
As the original poster (OP) had a growing baby, her SIL, as well as her fiancé, expected her to pass on her child’s clothes to her SIL.
Something the OP had absolutely no intention of doing.
Having some doubts about her rationale, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hle Here” (AITAH).
Unlike the similar “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH for giving my sister in law the same treatment she gave me?”
The OP explained why she was not inclined to pass on her child’s baby clothes to her SIL:
“So, I just had a baby 3 months ago.”
“When I first found out I was pregnant, my sister in law INSISTED on throwing my gender reveal party.”
“I agreed.”
“She then started to call me every day, stressing about the details of the reveal.”
“I told her my mom would help her with food just to take some of the pressure off of her.”
“She agreed.”
“She sent my mom a text about how the reveal was going to be done.”
“She wanted her kids involved in our reveal.”
“My mom said my fiancé and I should be the ones the reveal the gender it would make sense for her kids to not be directly involved.”
“I agree, it is our first kid, and his niece’s and nephews didn’t need to reveal the gender for us.”
“My sister-in-law then calls my fiancé and causes a scene.”
“She yells that my mom is overstepping and needs to watch what she says to her and that she’s trying to take control of the gender reveal party.”
“My sister in law then ignores my mom and I all the way up until the party.”
“The day comes, she shows up an hour late, with nothing in hand but balloons and forks.”
“Mind you SHE was responsible for everything but the food.”
“She also shows up in a white see-through dress & heels.”
“The party was at a park under a gazebo.”
“She doesn’t speak to me or any of my family the entire time.”
“Thankfully, I have a huge village, and my aunt and mom came prepared with extra decorations, plates, etc., and the day went amazingly without any help from my SIL.”
“My SIL leaves the party, and I never hear from her the rest of my pregnancy.”
“She would call my fiancé (I would overhear the calls).”
“She never asked about me, the pregnancy, or the baby.”
“She never bought anything or even asked me if I needed anything.”
“Mind you, she has 3 kids herself, and my fiance and I have always gone above and beyond for her and her kids since day 1.”
“Never missed a beat with them and have spent thousands.”
“My baby shower comes, and she shows up empty-handed, and doesn’t say a word to the hosts or me. (my mom and aunt) and she has a nasty look on her face.”
“At this point i’ve decided to cut ties with her for now and not have a relationship with her anymore.”
“She clearly didn’t really care about me or the pregnancy.”
“I have the baby, and she still hasn’t reached out directly to me and talks like I don’t exist, so I just block her, and we haven’t spoken.”
“A few weeks go by and guess what?”
“SHES PREGNANT!”
“Yayyyy.”
“She calls me directly after almost a year of no contact.”
“I got a new phone and a new number, and my fiancée gave her my new number.”
“She explains how she’s pregnant and scared and is basically confiding in me about how excited she is.”
“I’m pretty quiet on the phone bc again, she really treated me like sh*t throughout my pregnancy, and I wasn’t very excited to be hearing from her.”
“We get off the phone, and I tell my fiancé she called.”
“He isn’t happy about her being pregnant.”
“She has 3 kids already living in a two-bedroom apartment with a dead best boyfriend living off of her.”
“He tells me he thinks she got pregnant bc she wasn’t happy the attention wasn’t on her.”
“I just let him vent and don’t put my opinion in the mix yet.”
“Thankfully, at my baby shower, we received SO much from my side of the family.”
“Everything we needed and more.”
“From a stroller all the way to wipes, postpartum care, crib, and more.”
“Now that she is pregnant, and my baby boy is growing out of things, my SIL and fiancé are just expecting me to pass everything we outgrow down to her.”
“Finally, I’m getting the question lol sorry.”
“I don’t want to pass anything down to her, I don’t want to help with any gender reveals or baby showers, and I don’t really want much contact with her.”
“She has hinted to my fiancé she wants a gender reveal cake.”
“Deep down I feel bad bc I know how hard pregnancy is and she doesn’t have the village I did.”
“But how do you shower and care for someone who treated you like crap and like you didn’t exist, your whole pregnancy and birth?”
“I would give the shirt off my back to anyone but after the way she treated me I truly want to keep the no contact thing going, but I also know she is going to have it hard (again 4th kid no help).”
“I’m just conflicted.”
“My fiancé keeps hinting that we should put stuff up for her, but I really don’t want to.”
“Maybe I am the AH.”
“But maybe she should have thought about how she treats people bc one day she may need them.”
“AITAH for not wanting to give her anything?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP would not be the a**hole for refusing to give her baby’s hand-me-downs to her SIL.
Everyone agreed that after the way the OP’s SIL treated her, she in no way deserved receiving her baby’s hand-me-downs, with everyone agreeing that the OP’s SIL only seemed to do anything to seek attention, and needed a reality check:
“Her issues aren’t your problem, and your stuff isn’t hers.”
“Sounds like you have lots of people in your life who are good to you and good for you- maybe one of them will have a baby and need your hand-me-downs in the future.”
“Your fiancé needs to have your back on this.”- halfveela
“As far as I’m concerned, you don’t get a shower with your fourth; you already have all of the equipment and clothes.”
“She sounds ridiculously jealous and needs to be the center of attention.”
“I’d ignore her and wouldn’t give her a thing.”
“Your fiancé needs to get with the program and have your back.”- Ilovewally
“NTA.”
“If you plan to have more kids, just use the excuse that you plan on still using your baby supplies.”
“Tell your fiancé directly that the answer is no, and he can’t coerce you into changing your mind. If he wants to help, he will have to do that by himself.”
“Tell him to stop asking you to help someone that hates you.”
“You don’t have a SIL problem, you have a fiancé problem.”- OkSignature3562
“NTA.”
“Have you and your partner agreed you are one and done?”
“If not, why would you give her any of your things?”
“Also, she’s had three, unless they are a lot older, she should have everything she should need (minus the sprinkle things for wipes, diapers, etc).”
“Match the energy, but use the excuse that you may need them down the line.”- PracticalReaction560
“Oh hell no, she doesn’t get squat from you.”
“If she has a baby shower, hopefully she doesn’t, because this is her fourth kid, and I think that’s pretty tacky. I’d show up empty-handed just like she did to yours.”
“She’s already shown you who and what she is, and never forget that, and how that made you feel during a time which you should have been ecstatic, and she put a downer on that.”
“She is a selfish person who is only calling you now to share HER joy, and she wants your stuff.”
“I mean, what if you decide to have more kids?”
“Hell no, keep your stuff.”
“Let her hint to someone else that she wants a gender reveal party, do not do anything for this b*tch, because all she did was give you problems.”
“I mean, she has four kids, she doesn’t have her own clothes?”
“I would not even answer my phone if she calls you back, you lived without hearing from her for a whole year, no no no.”
“The nerve of some people.”
“Sounds like your mom’s quite a trooper!”- Potential-Piano256
If there’s anything that gives parents comfort about their children outgrowing their clothes, it’s knowing that their clothes will move on to a worthy new owner.
Something the OP clearly did not think her SIL would be after, given the way she behaved towards her.
Perhaps if the OP’s SIL always treated her with respect and kindness, rather than only when it was convenient for her or when it made her look good, she would soon be receiving a very generous gift bag from the OP.