These days, it often seems like everyone has their lives on film.
Every second of every day can be recorded for the world to indulge in.
This is great for some, but not annoying for many.
Many people don’t want their lives on display.
Where is the balance?
Redditor ImpossibleSupport215 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my youngest daughter she may not post a video of me having a hot flash?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My youngest daughter (19 F) lives at home.”
“I (51 F) was having a hot flash, and I knew my daughter was filming me.”
“My tank top stayed on, so nothing inappropriate was filmed.”
“Later in the day, my daughter asked me if she could post the video on TikTok.”
“She talked about how a lot of people will get something out of watching it.”
“I told my daughter no, and I stood firm during her begging.”
“She told her father (53 M[ale]), who is my husband, and he asked me to reconsider.”
“He told me the video is hot (pun intended) and not embarrassing at all.”
“I told him no.”
‘My daughter confronted me when her father said he couldn’t change my mind.”
“My daughter told me I was being mean to her.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, and this is a really good time to talk to your daughter about consent.”
“You did not consent to be filmed, and you do not consent to that video being shared with others.”
“You were at home, so you have a (legal) expectation of privacy (as opposed to, say, being in a public park, where you don’t have an expectation of privacy and people don’t need your permission to record).”
“And then have a talk with your husband about how wrong it was for him to ‘try to convince you.'”
“No means no, and this campaign to ‘convince’ you to change your mind is icky.” ~ Bubbly_Chicken_9358
“This is so important, and a great teaching moment.”
“Just listened to a great podcast episode where a woman was trying to repair family relationships after she published a poem about her mother’s and her aunt’s traumas without their consent.”
“It was super hard for her to accept her role and the consequences of doing it.” ~ BeaverInTheForest
“This is 1,000% The new generation needs to learn that consent also applies to online presence.”
“Just because you CAN film everything, doesn’t mean you should; everyone should have a reasonable expectation of privacy.”
“And to get ahead of it, just because the government does it, doesn’t mean it’s right either.”
“Those weirdos that film outside buildings to get a rise out of people should get decked too, public space doesn’t equal consent to being filmed.” ~ One-Extension9731
“NTA… but your husband is.”
“He should have backed you up because your Peri menopausal hot flushes are not for other people’s amusement, and he should understand, even if a 15-year-old doesn’t.” ~ SirGuestWho
“NTA. She’s 19, but she’s acting very childish still.”
“She says you’re being mean.”
“She isn’t 10, she should accept no and leave it.”
“Your husband is just as bad.” ~ GBOC80
“NTA, she needs to learn that privacy is to be respected.”
“I don’t care if it’s a video of you winning the Olympics.”
“If you don’t want it posted, she needs to respect that.” ~ xc51
“NTA. She can post her own hot flashes when she gets them.”
“Posting videos of other people should only be done with their permission, and you did not give it.”
“No reasons need to be given.”
“Maybe make an embarrassing video of her and ask her if you can post it.”
“When she declines to act the same.” ~ salandur
“NTA. Stand firm on this.”
“Your daughter doesn’t want to post this because it’s educational; she wants to post it because she views it as funny.”
“She needs to learn that not everything should be posted online, and when people say no, it means no.”
“She also needs to learn that it’s not okay to just whip out her phone and film people in moments of distress or physical discomfort.” ~ Carma56
“NTA, and I am a little concerned about your daughter’s sense of entitlement, that any content she can capture should be available for her to post as she wishes.”
“If some random guy were filming her in a difficult moment and then pressured her and whined she was being mean when she did not consent to him publishing it.”
“I would think you and your husband would both be outraged.”
“She needs to respect your comfort and privacy more than that.” ~ Jujubee7683
“NTA. Your daughter at least asked first, but she should have respected your ‘no’ without pushing. Your husband’s comment was weird, and both of them should drop it.”
“Actually, I think they are being mean to you.” ~ Present_Literature93
“NTA, but I’d be worried she’d still post it.”
“Tell her if she does, you’ll post a video calling her out for her disrespectful behavior.”
“Tag her so her followers can see it.”
“Filming someone in a situation like that is weird, and posting it without permission is just gross.”
“TikTok loves that type of stupid drama, and she should know it’ll just make her look bad.” ~ Glass-Cat8159
“NTA. Teach your daughter that it is rude and inconsiderate to film people without their knowledge.”
“I see you knew she was filming.”
“Who did you think she’d show the video to?”
“At least she asked before posting, but she shouldn’t get your husband involved to try to convince you.”
“No means no.”
“Delete the video from her phone and cloud.” ~ justanother1014
“NTA. Your daughter has zero right to post you on the internet.”
“At 19, she absolutely needs to learn this lesson.”
“You do NOT get to post videos of people online without their consent.”
“And especially if they refuse consent.”
“Your daughter’s TA.” ~ ComedianRude5032
“NTA. This is a good time to teach the lesson about consent and respecting people’s boundaries.”
“Hers included.”
“You said no.”
“It’s your body and your life.”
“You aren’t there for her to display. I’m glad she actually asked to be honest.”
“A lot of 19-year-olds wouldn’t even ask.”
“They’d just do it.”
“Your husband is being an a**hole about this.”
“He should respect your wishes.”
“I get that he thinks you look good, but this is that kind of flattery that some guys do and think is funny/cute.”
“It’s kind of douchey.”
“You need to talk to your husband about this, as well as boundaries for your daughter.” ~ EaglesFanGirl
“NTA. It sounds like your daughter is unbelievably entitled.”
“She’s an adult giving you a hard time about not wanting to post something very personal.”
“Take her phone (I assume you pay for it) and delete all copies of the video.”
“I assume she took this video in a private space.”
“She can’t post it without your permission.”
“Next, she needs some life lessons.” ~ Lewca43
“Start filming your daughter when she has little temper tantrums like this when she doesn’t get her way and threaten to post them to TikTok, to explain to everyone what it looks like for a teenager to be told no.”
‘You know, to bring awareness to what consent doesn’t look like.”
“See how she likes it. NTA.” ~ TwyZilla
“NTA and I would have a talk with your husband about how he should be teaching her to respect other people’s privacy, and that not everyone has the same comfort level with being posted online.”
“At this point, any more pushback from you would just come off as you being biased, so he’s the best candidate to teach her this lesson.” ~ WrongBee
“NTA, she asked for your consent, and you stated you were uncomfortable and denied her.”
‘That’s the end of the conversation.”
“I don’t think you are being mean to your daughter.”
“If I’m honest, I think both her and your husband are a bit mean wanting to post something you feel embarrassed about.” ~ Disneygal81
“NTA. It is completely understandable that you want to maintain your own privacy, and both your daughter and husband should respect that.” ~ procrastination934
“Your daughter is, in fact, the mean one. NTA.”
“If she doesn’t start respecting your boundaries, I’d reconsider her living there at all.”
“Also… Your husband is not being a good partner to you.”
“No means no, and he should be protecting your feelings.”
“Your daughter is an adult and should not be coddled.” ~ Thin-Fan8771
“NTA, your body, your choice.”
“19 F is old enough to understand why this is a private thing; my parents would have laughed me out of the house if I begged for something at 19.”
“I would sit your husband down and have words, however, to make sure you are entirely on the same page about this.” ~ Deat69
“NTA. She asked for consent.”
“You didn’t give it.”
“That’s how consent works.”
“You have a right to your privacy.”
“Also, the video is never gonna beat the one of the woman having a hot flash at a football game and steam starts rushing from the top of her head.” ~ BFIrrera
@tio_mickey @Tracey Monique #hotflashes #flashes #gurlimhot #game #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #viral_video
“This is really personal.”
“I find it really rude and disrespectful that your adult daughter has so little respect that she is harassing you for ‘likes’ and that your husband is joining in.”
“Shame on the pair of them.”
“No one should be bullied into posting something they are not comfortable with. NTA.” ~ Individual_Metal_983
“NTA. I’d also be giving her a consequence for going to her dad to countermand your no.”
“No means no. Always.” ~ o2low
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your daughter needs to understand boundaries.
You set them, and she needs to embrace.
Only you get to decide what the public sees about your life.
Good luck with the hot flashes.