In the immortal words of William Shakespeare, “the course of true love never did run smooth.”
Indeed, as wonderful as it is to find the love of your life, it also comes with numerous challenges.
The biggest arguably being one’s in-laws.
While some people are lucky and love their in-laws as much or more than they love their partners, not everyone is so lucky.
And they are anything but excited to spend time with them.
Redditor Majestic-One6602 had recently gotten married.
Not long after her wedding, the original poster (OP) learned somewhat unexpectedly that her in-laws were coming for a visit, and a long one at that.
A discovery that did not sit well with the OP, leaving her to ponder making alternative plans for herself.
Having some doubts about her decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH).
Unlike the similar “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
“Would I be the a**hole here (WIBTAH) if I went to stay with my parents for a couple of weeks because my husband’s family planned a 5-6 week stay in our 2BHK without asking me?”
The OP explained why her in-laws’ upcoming surprise visit was not a pleasant surprise:
“I (29 F[emale]) got married in December (less than 3 months as of today) after being with my husband (29 M[ale]) for almost 7 years.”
“One thing I’ve always been very clear about with him, both before and after marriage, is that I need my space and that decisions about people staying in our home should involve both of us.”
“Recently I found out that his sister, her husband, their child, and my in-laws have all booked tickets to come stay with us.”
“That’s about 5-6 weeks. I would be more than happy to host them for 1-2 weeks but 5-6 weeks seems too overwhelming at this stage.”
“The part that really upset me is that no one asked me beforehand.”
“I only found out after everything was already booked.”
“That too when it was asked that how long they were planning to stay.”
“We live in a 2-bedroom apartment in is an extremely hot climate, and this will mean 7 people total in the house in peak summer.”
“My husband will be at work most of the day, so I’ll be the one at home with everyone.”
“There are also lifestyle differences.”
“My in-laws are strict vegetarians (they won’t even let us make eggs at home), while my husband and I both eat non-veg as a staple diet.”
“I already know I’ll have to adjust what I eat at home, what I wear around the house, and generally how I live for that entire time.”
“What hurts more is that this isn’t the first time we’ve discussed boundaries.”
“For years my husband told me he understood that I need space and that he would handle these things with his family.”
‘This was the one deal breaker from my end but he always assured me he would make sure I never have to be put in situations like this.”
“But when I brought this up again after finding out about the visit, his response was basically: ‘What do you want me to do, everything is already booked?'”
“For context, I also moved away from my own family and friends to live where he works, so this house is pretty much my entire world right now.”
“At this point I’m honestly feeling really hurt and disrespected.”
“It feels like decisions about my own home were made without me.”
“I’m considering going to stay with my parents for a couple of weeks while they’re here just to get some space, but they live on the other side of the country so it’s not a small trip, and I’m not sure spending that much would be financially advisable.”
“Also to add, his parents keep coming to visit us for 7-10 days every other month anyways.”
“This was also not discussed with me but in good faith I adjusted.”
“How would you handle something like this?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP had every right to stay with her parents while her in-laws were visiting.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s anger and frustration were more than justified, and her husband should not have sprung this on her, with many even urging the OP to consider if staying in this marriage was a good idea:
“As someone who’s lived in a 2BR for 20 years with my partner, if he sprung all my in-laws on me in this manner, I’d pack my stuff and GTFO.”
“If he can’t stand up to the leading parent’s entitlement (in my case it would be my MIL) then he would never stand up for me in the first place.”
“I’m feeling vicarious rage for you right now.”
“Clearly NTA.”- oh_hell_know
“NTA.”
“This is truly the most Desi shit I’ve ever heard.”
“As an Indian woman married into a Pakistani family, I 100% understand this whole ridiculous situation.”
“I’ve been married 15 years now, and my advice is to shut this sh*t down quickly in the beginning.”
“Have the big fight and arguments with your husband and insist on keeping your boundaries, or you will spend your whole life suffering and coming last to his family.”
“Go and stay with your family for the five weeks.”
“Hopefully, your husband will learn the hard way and apologize.”
“Do NOT stay in your home with all of them while he is gone to work every day; you’ll become their servant 100%.”
“I would frame it to him as ‘I’m giving you space to enjoy one-on-one time with your family. I’ll be back when they’ve all gone back home’.”
“We are not our mothers’ and grandmothers’ generation.”
“We absolutely should not be putting up with husbands who do disrespectful sh*t like this.”
“Stand up for yourself now or it will only keep getting worse.”- Silky_pants
“NTAH.”
“You have a husband problem.”
“He needs to fix this; if he doesn’t, it shows how little he respects you and your wishes/needs.”
“This probably won’t get better.”
“You need to decide if this is something that you can live with for the rest of your married life, because it looks like your husband will allow this to continue to happen.”- ApprehensiveAd2149
“Wait, ‘Also to add, his parents keep coming to visit us for 7-10 days every other month anyways’.”
“This on top of a 5-6 week stay?”
“Do these people not have jobs?”
“I would NEVER inconvenience anyone with this extended stay!”
“You have only been married for three months, and this is how your husband respects your home and boundaries?”
“Sweetie, with all the kindness in my heart, I am telling you to draw the line and be firm!”
“Tell him either they make alternative plans, either by staying only one week, or you’re going to be making alternative living plans.”
“Yes, I know it’s all been booked, but that’s the price they have to pay for not checking with you first.”
“I GUARANTEE if you let him and then disrespect you, they will continue to do so for the rest of your marriage.”
“You two need counseling.”- imartie
“Don’t have a baby.”- Pattysthoughts
“NTA.”
“Tell your husband he can tell his family you (as a couple, not just you making you the bad guy) aren’t abIe to host them.”
“Or I’d be staying elsewhere the entirety of their trip.”
“Let him do all the work of hosting while also working.”
“Maybe he’ll stop being ok with the long/frequent visits when he’s the one inconvenienced.”
“You get that you weren’t told exactly, so your husband can say they’re already booked everything, right?”
“Also it’s sounding like this only started after your marriage.”
“You know when you’re already locked in to the relationship.”
“Sounds like he’s finally let the mask down and you’re now learning who he really is.”
“You need to have a serious discussion on why he’s trampling your boundaries.”
“His response will tell you if the relationship might be salvageable or not.”- ApprehensiveBook4214
“It’s not a deal breaker if it doesn’t break the deal.”
“They need a place to stay for 4 of those weeks.”
“He either figures that out or you file for an annulment.”
“You realize he waited until you were legally bound before breaking the deal, right?”
“That he waited until the plans were made to tell you so you felt trapped, right?”
“That he waited until you lived in a place far from your support system, right?”
“He did this on purpose and will likely construe this as you being inflexible or hating his family or blah blah blah.”
“He’s showing you who he is, believe him.”- brainybrink
Even those who don’t have ‘boundary issues’ as the OP openly admitted she does, would still deserve a heads up that their in-laws were coming.
Seeing as this seems to be an ongoing pattern, it’s hard to imagine it will change.
Leaving one to seriously wonder if this marriage is sustainable.