Not everyone who attends a wedding has a good time.
When there is family friction, the good times don’t often roll.
These situations can often lead to dramatic moments and confrontations that taint the event.
Some guests attend out of obligation and try to exit before any drama can ensue.
That doesn’t always work.
Redditor Intelligent-Theme136 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for leaving my sister’s wedding early without telling anyone?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (26 M[ale]) went to my sister’s wedding last weekend.”
“We’re on okay terms, not super close but not estranged or anything.”
“I was a guest, not in the wedding party.”
“From the start, the day felt… off.”
“There were a lot of last-minute changes and stress, which I get; weddings are chaos.”
“But my sister kept snapping at me over small things.”
“Like asking me to move seats because ‘you’re blocking the photographer,’ then later getting mad that I moved because she ‘wanted family together.”’
“At the reception, I was seated at a table with people I didn’t really know, which was fine, except my place setting was missing.”
“No name card, no food choice, nothing.”
“I flagged a server and eventually got a plate, but it was clearly an afterthought.”
“I know this sounds minor, but combined with everything else, it sucked.”
“Then, during the speeches, my sister thanked ‘everyone who really showed up for us’ and specifically listed friends, coworkers, even neighbors… but skipped me entirely.”
“Again, I know it’s not about me, but it still stung.”
“By that point, I felt awkward, tired, and honestly unwanted.”
“I stayed through dinner, hugged my parents, and left quietly without saying goodbye to my sister.”
“I didn’t cause a scene or announce anything.”
“The next day, she texted asking where I disappeared to and said it was ‘hurtful’ that I left early and didn’t say anything, especially since people noticed.”
“I said I wasn’t feeling great and didn’t want to make it a thing.”
“Now she’s saying I was passive-aggressive and that if I had an issue, I should’ve sucked it up for one night.”
“My mom agrees and says weddings aren’t about individual feelings.”
“A friend of mine thinks it’s weird that I was treated like an afterthought and that leaving quietly was fine.”
“I honestly didn’t intend it as a statement.”
“I just didn’t feel like I belonged there anymore.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“You did fine.”
“She’s mad because people asking about you meant she had to admit she hadn’t paid attention and didn’t care.”
“She’ll be fine, and so will your mom.”
“If it were a real issue for your mother, she would have said so when you hugged her goodbye.”
“She’s not mad you left.”
“Mom is mad; she has no way to shut your sister up.” ~ GoBlue2539
“Is sis’s behavior a pattern?”
“Did mom always take sis’s side?”
“Has mom called out sis on her crap? NTA.” ~ Sue_Dohnim
“NTA. She only cares because people asked where you were.” ~ I-luv-sloths
“I would ask the sister who is asking anyway.”
“Let OP know who actually noticed and cared about them.”
“Then stop caring so much about how the sister treats you and pay more attention to those relationships because they noticed when you weren’t in the room and that you were at the wrong table and cared enough to speak up.”
“At least someone else noticed op wasnt ok.”
“NTA OP.” ~ tiffi_333
“NTA, the guest list, table sitting, name cards, speeches are made prior to the wedding day – I would feel left out too.”
“The part with moving for the photographer and calling you back, that I find more normal, hectic behavior, and often we snap at family because we feel safe they will understand we don’t mean it, not saying it’s a good thing, just more of what often happens.”
“Sounds like your sister is a bit of a golden child and mom is the enabler.” ~ Alert-Tumbleweed-790
“NTA, it sounds like she didn’t want you there but didn’t want to seem like the bad guy for not wanting you there, so she made you feel unwanted until you left so you’d look like the bad guy instead.” ~ MsMourningStar
“I went to a family wedding once.”
“All family members except me were seated at tables together; my assigned seat was at the opposite side of the room, alone at a table with people I didn’t know.”
“Not a family member came over to say hello. “
“I left before dinner, and even though it’s been five years, I will never forget or forgive.” ~ Suz9006
“NTA. She didn’t really care if you were there or not; she’s only embarrassed because it made her look bad.”
“I would have left, too.” ~ Putrid_Dream9755
“Your friend is correct.”
“It’s weird and disrespectful to forget about your plate, seat you with random people, and leave you out of the speech – and it’s fine for you to leave early.” ~ Sestar007
“Being left out of the speech is probably the only thing I thought was potentially ok.”
“It was specifically people who had gone above and beyond to support the bride and groom; if OP hadn’t done anything that put him in that category, that I’d be willing to let slide.”
“Not the most tactful of her, especially if he was the only family member left out.”
“The name card/place setting missing was likely a mistake made by whoever set up the room.”
“Him being seated at that table was intentional, although I’m curious how he knew where to sit if the name card was missing.”
“Was there a master seating chart to consult?”
“Most of the weddings I’ve attended were more casual without assigned seats.”
“If my sister had called concerned that op left early, I would be judging it NAH, cause while she did some crappy things, the table assignment is the only one that can 100% be said to be premeditated.”
“OP leaving early is reasonable.”
“But his sister calling to be mad, he left early, pushed it to NTA for me.” ~ myssi24
“NTA – It’s not even situation specific.”
“Anyone is allowed to leave an event at any time.”
“And in general, once dinner is over at an event, it’s totally OK for people to leave.”
“Especially for an evening wedding, they may have kids to get back to.”
“They may just be older and tired.”
“Maybe they don’t want loud music blasting near them, or don’t wanna dance.”
“It is usually customary to at least say goodbye to the bride and groom, or the host, depending on the event.”
“But by no means an obligation if you’re feeling like that will cause a scene, and you’re politely avoiding one.”
“I’d say only about half my wedding guests told me goodbye, and I had no issues with that.” ~ pinkbbwhiskey
“NTA. You weren’t close before, which is great because your sister seems awful in an everyday and special day way.”
“Tell your mom to shove it.” ~ DrukMeMa
“I am going to make a few assumptions, but I feel that they are likely on point.”
“You probably were not initially invited.”
“Your parents made your sister invite you because they did not want to answer any questions about you not being there, which in turn explains your mother’s behavior.”
“That’s why everything felt off and why you didn’t have a setting.”
“You were invited last second, and it didn’t make it to the catering crew, and that’s why you were not seated with family.”
“Tough call, but NTA.” ~ duyogurt
“NTA. Weddings have a way of highlighting what is wrong or right in a relationship.”
“I would have left, too.”
“I’ve never felt like making a life decision gives anyone the right to treat others like s**t.” ~ cappuccinohorses
“NTA. If you are having a bad time, you don’t need to be there.’
“It is a wedding, it is about your sister, it’s not about you.”
“So why would you need to be there, except to have fun and celebrate?”
“If that’s not happening for you, you don’t have to be there.” ~ isingthedarkness
“I’m going NTA – while weddings are about the couple, I think people take that idea way too far, and to say that individual guests’ feelings don’t matter at all is one of those times.”
“Like, you’re human, and you weren’t feeling well (in a manner of speaking, but ultimately that’s your business); you shouldn’t be held hostage at an event just because it isn’t ‘your day.'”
“You probably should have said goodbye to your sister, but I also get why you didn’t, if you were worried about not being able to hide how you were feeling.”
“That’s a relatively minor faux pas, while your sister and mom are acting like you selfishly ruined the night.” ~ Witty-Draw-3803
“NTA. If it was that important for you to be there, she’d have a place setting and meal prepared for you.”
“I think you handled your exit as gracefully as you could.” ~ shrimpandshooflypie
“NTA. You were invited because they didn’t want to deal with questions as to why you wouldn’t have been.”
“If you’re interested in maintaining a relationship with your family, it may be worth having an honest conversation about why you feel like an afterthought in their lives, but the reality is that is what you are.”
“No one should treat someone they invited, especially family, with such disregard.”
“You said you’re not close but fine, but it seems like your sister had more disdain towards you.”
“If you don’t care to know more, then drop contact and move on.”
“You’re not being served by their presence in your life.” ~ giantbrownguy
You did what was best for you, OP.
You even left without causing a scene.
You made sure not steal the moment from your sister.
This is her issue to fix.