Traveling for destination weddings is not cheap.
Heck, these days, nothing about any wedding is cheap.
So sometimes, difficult decisions have to be made about personal expenses.
People may want to go to a wedding, but can everyone afford it?
Or are there other things that sound more interesting?
Not everyone is going to understand other people’s decisions about choosing NOT to attend the event.
Redditor officialjan16 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not attending a colleague’s wedding and telling a little lie as to why I’m not attending?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My colleague is getting married in a few months, and she has invited everyone on our team.”
“She and I are the only Gen Z in the office and started around the same time, so we’ve always been closer to each other than everyone else.”
“But I’ve always maintained boundaries and kept my personal life separate.”
“The wedding is in her small town.”
“To go, I would have to get time off, fly, then shuttle, and pay for accommodation and buy a gift.”
“After the wedding, I am travelling to watch Oasis and I am then going to Japan.”
“I need to save.”
“I figured since I don’t really wanna go and I need to save my money and we’re not that close, it’s not worth my spending around $2,000 on this.”
“I didn’t tell her I didn’t want to go, I just told her I have a lot going on that same week.”
“She said that’s okay, and that was it.”
“During my lunch break, I went to a cafe and my mum asked if I had told her, and I texted my mum about what happened.”
“I didn’t know another colleague was standing behind me reading my messages.”
“When I came back to the office, said colleague had told everyone in our team what I had texted my mum.”
“I told her that was very nosy and rude and none of her business.”
“I apologized to the bride-to-be and told her I can’t fork out that much money for her wedding when I have a lot going on in my life.”
“She said it was chill and she gets it and we’re good.”
“It’s everyone else who thinks I’m wrong for not going.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Whaaaaat… 2K on a COLLEAGUE’S wedding?”
“F**k that! NTA.”
“Sounds like the bride is OK with your decision, so what anyone else thinks is entirely irrelevant.” ~ TeenySod
“I wouldn’t go to a colleague’s wedding for free.”
“Also, wouldn’t spend $2k on going to a wedding for family.”
“That I like. NTA.” ~ FakeDoctorMeatCoat
“You should definitely report the nosy employee, as this person is creating a hostile environment.”
“She needs to be made aware that people are not going to tolerate her behavior.”
“Anyone who says that you should not report, then tell them if they accept that behavior, then it is on them for creating a toxic work environment, and that includes managers.” ~ mayhembang
“$2k for a destination wedding?”
“That’s for closest friends and family ~ not coworkers.”
“Of course, your coworker was understanding (and probably glad to have a shorter guest list).”
“Need to hit up H[uman] R[esources] for the coworker reading your private texts and reporting them back to the office though ~ talk about BEYOND boundaries.” ~ FiestyMum
“Firstly, you need to report to HR on that colleague who snooped and told everyone, that’s some f**ked up s**t that they had no right to do.”
“Secondly, NTA, why the hell would you pay so much to go to a colleague’s wedding?”
“Plus, it seems your colleague understood, so you probably didn’t need to lie about it in the first place.” ~ Hot-Environment3503
“Honestly, I feel like these types of invitations are just gift grabs.”
“They know you won’t go, but that you’ll probably send a gift.”
“Happened to me once.”
“Got invited to a baby shower.”
“I didn’t know anyone there, except the person who invited me.”
“Of course, I brought a gift, but I was uncomfortable the whole time.”
“Never heard back from them.”
“Not a thank you, nothing.”
“OP is NTA.” ~Capable_Restaurant11
“NTA, but your coworker absolutely is.”
“Not only reading your messages, but then announcing that to everyone?”
“Who is that supposed to benefit?”
“All that does is maybe make the bride feel bad.”
“Your coworker sucks.” ~ gcot802
“You didn’t lie.”
“You said you have a lot going on that week.”
“You do.”
“You have to save for your trip and prep for your trip.”
“You don’t owe an explanation because it isn’t financially feasible for you.”
“And the bride clearly understands that it’s a lot to ask for you to travel and spend money to attend her wedding, and she seems to understand and be completely okay with it.”
“No one else’s opinion matters.”
“If it helps at all, I think the people who think you’re wrong are insane. “
“No one wants to drop 2k on an acquaintance’s wedding. Ridiculous.” ~ anxiouslucy
“NTA, this is so weird.”
“Who invites all their coworkers to what essentially amounts to a destination wedding for them?”
“This seems like what I’ll call a ‘courtesy’ invitation, or in other words, a money grab, knowing most people won’t go but will feel obligated to send a gift.”
“I’d have no problem just RSVPing ‘no’ and it’s optional if you want to send a gift, especially when you’re just coworkers.”
“The coworker who eavesdropped and then ran her mouth is someone you definitely avoid as much as possible, as clearly she‘s a bad gossip and can’t be trusted… ever.”
“As others have suggested, I’d consider reporting her actions to HR as she’s deliberately creating a toxic workplace.” ~ Mirvb
“NTA. Your coworker (bride) seems cool and level-headed.”
“The other coworker (rat) is A HUGE AH.”
“You should not feel bad for not attending.’
“Weddings are a burden to people, and it’s your right to refuse.” ~ Missytb40
“NTA, what a rude little person, you already had plans, and you owe her nothing.”
“F**k it could have been your own family and your already made plans would have come first because you’d probably lose out on a bunch of money cancelling.”
“I would go to HR just to have it on record that she read your personal texts without permission and then used them to spread a negative image of you in the workplace, creating a hostile environment where it is now harder to do your work.” ~ spid3rham90
“NTA – I’m sure your colleague only invited you and the rest of your team to be polite, and wasn’t really expecting anyone to RSVP, yes.”
“Your nosy co-worker is an a**hole to eavesdrop and then spread stupid gossip.” ~ boomboombalatty
“NTA. The bride is chill with it.”
“Go enjoy Oasis and Japan, and if you want, get the bride a small gift to celebrate her wedding.” ~ ivylass
“NTA. You didn’t want to go and aren’t close to this coworker.”
“The other one who scooped and eavesdropped on your text message was completely out of line.”
“That was a personal, private discussion.”
“Report them to HR as a hostile work environment.” ~ WholeAd2742
“NTA. Reading someone’s texts is totally out of line.”
“A wedding invitation is a nice gesture, it’s not an order.”
“It’s totally fine not to go to a coworker’s wedding for ANY reason, but I wouldn’t be able to spend 2k even on my best friend’s weddings.” ~ sweadle
“Of course, you’re not wrong for not going.”
“You don’t actually think you might be, do you?”
“I wouldn’t spend that money and travel for a friend’s wedding, except perhaps my best friend, only if I could afford it comfortably, much less a colleague.”
“I’d have a huge issue with the nosy coworker reading your messages.”
“I’d report that one to HR.” ~ Solid-Musician-8476
“NTA. That other colleague who was looking over your shoulder and reading your texts needs to be reported.”
“The 95% truth rule means 95%, not stalking people’s texts to get 100% from everyone else.”
“If someone has something going on or just doesn’t want to go, that’s their choice, so let them cushion everyone else’s mood while maintaining their position.” ~ EternalThunderstorm8
“NTA. I doubt any work colleague would expect attendance at their (nowhere nearby) wedding.”
“It’s a little more likely if you live in a small town and the venue is there.”
“The nosey-parker tattletale, though, deserves to be ostracized and undermined at the next opportunity.” ~ Safe_Roof_2336
“NTA. The only AH in this story is the colleague who’s reading other people’s messages over their shoulder and then going around and blabbing to everyone like they’re 5 years old.”
“It’s not even that person’s wedding, so why you weren’t going was absolutely none of their business.”
“Definitely report them, maybe if they face some kind of trouble for their actions, they’ll learn to stay out of other people’s business.” ~ DriftingLily9
“NTA. Spending $2,000 is excessive and unnecessary.”
“You should not be expected to spend so much money on a wedding.”
“If you do not wish to go, you should simply tell her that you don’t want to spend money you want to save.”
“Additionally, a colleague invading your privacy and informing others of a private conversation should not be tolerated.”
“To me, that shows a lack of respect.”
“You should report that colleague’s behavior.” ~ UltraDRex
“NTA. Don’t apologize.”
“You are fine not to go.”
“And the other colleague is an AH.” ~ k23_k23
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your co-worker’s behavior is outrageous!
This definitely calls for a chat with HR.
How dare they invade your privacy?
And then spill all of your personal tea?
Some people are just mean.
If the bride’s ok, it’s nobody else’s business.
And even if she wasn’t ok, it’s your life.
Good Luck.