Traveling for destination weddings is not cheap.
Heck, these days, nothing about any wedding is cheap.
So sometimes, difficult decisions have to be made about personal expenses.
People may want to go to a wedding, but can everyone afford it?
Or are there other things that sound more interesting?
Not everyone is going to understand other people's decisions about choosing NOT to attend the event.
Redditor officialjan16 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for not attending a colleague's wedding and telling a little lie as to why I'm not attending?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My colleague is getting married in a few months, and she has invited everyone on our team."
"She and I are the only Gen Z in the office and started around the same time, so we've always been closer to each other than everyone else."
"But I've always maintained boundaries and kept my personal life separate."
"The wedding is in her small town."
"To go, I would have to get time off, fly, then shuttle, and pay for accommodation and buy a gift."
"After the wedding, I am travelling to watch Oasis and I am then going to Japan."
"I need to save."
"I figured since I don't really wanna go and I need to save my money and we're not that close, it's not worth my spending around $2,000 on this."
"I didn't tell her I didn't want to go, I just told her I have a lot going on that same week."
"She said that's okay, and that was it."
"During my lunch break, I went to a cafe and my mum asked if I had told her, and I texted my mum about what happened."
"I didn't know another colleague was standing behind me reading my messages."
"When I came back to the office, said colleague had told everyone in our team what I had texted my mum."
"I told her that was very nosy and rude and none of her business."
"I apologized to the bride-to-be and told her I can't fork out that much money for her wedding when I have a lot going on in my life."
"She said it was chill and she gets it and we're good."
"It's everyone else who thinks I'm wrong for not going."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"Whaaaaat... 2K on a COLLEAGUE'S wedding?"
"F**k that! NTA."
"Sounds like the bride is OK with your decision, so what anyone else thinks is entirely irrelevant." ~ TeenySod
"I wouldn't go to a colleague's wedding for free."
"Also, wouldn't spend $2k on going to a wedding for family."
"That I like. NTA." ~ FakeDoctorMeatCoat
"You should definitely report the nosy employee, as this person is creating a hostile environment."
"She needs to be made aware that people are not going to tolerate her behavior."
"Anyone who says that you should not report, then tell them if they accept that behavior, then it is on them for creating a toxic work environment, and that includes managers." ~ mayhembang
"$2k for a destination wedding?"
"That's for closest friends and family ~ not coworkers."
"Of course, your coworker was understanding (and probably glad to have a shorter guest list)."
"Need to hit up H[uman] R[esources] for the coworker reading your private texts and reporting them back to the office though ~ talk about BEYOND boundaries." ~ FiestyMum
"Firstly, you need to report to HR on that colleague who snooped and told everyone, that's some f**ked up s**t that they had no right to do."
"Secondly, NTA, why the hell would you pay so much to go to a colleague's wedding?"
"Plus, it seems your colleague understood, so you probably didn't need to lie about it in the first place." ~ Hot-Environment3503
"Honestly, I feel like these types of invitations are just gift grabs."
"They know you won't go, but that you'll probably send a gift."
"Happened to me once."
"Got invited to a baby shower."
"I didn't know anyone there, except the person who invited me."
"Of course, I brought a gift, but I was uncomfortable the whole time."
"Never heard back from them."
"Not a thank you, nothing."
"OP is NTA." ~Capable_Restaurant11
"NTA, but your coworker absolutely is."
"Not only reading your messages, but then announcing that to everyone?"
"Who is that supposed to benefit?"
"All that does is maybe make the bride feel bad."
"Your coworker sucks." ~ gcot802
"You didn't lie."
"You said you have a lot going on that week."
"You do."
"You have to save for your trip and prep for your trip."
"You don't owe an explanation because it isn't financially feasible for you."
"And the bride clearly understands that it's a lot to ask for you to travel and spend money to attend her wedding, and she seems to understand and be completely okay with it."
"No one else's opinion matters."
"If it helps at all, I think the people who think you're wrong are insane. "
"No one wants to drop 2k on an acquaintance's wedding. Ridiculous." ~ anxiouslucy
"NTA, this is so weird."
"Who invites all their coworkers to what essentially amounts to a destination wedding for them?"
"This seems like what I'll call a 'courtesy' invitation, or in other words, a money grab, knowing most people won't go but will feel obligated to send a gift."
"I'd have no problem just RSVPing 'no' and it's optional if you want to send a gift, especially when you're just coworkers."
"The coworker who eavesdropped and then ran her mouth is someone you definitely avoid as much as possible, as clearly she's a bad gossip and can't be trusted… ever."
"As others have suggested, I'd consider reporting her actions to HR as she's deliberately creating a toxic workplace." ~ Mirvb
"NTA. Your coworker (bride) seems cool and level-headed."
"The other coworker (rat) is A HUGE AH."
"You should not feel bad for not attending.'
"Weddings are a burden to people, and it's your right to refuse." ~ Missytb40
"NTA, what a rude little person, you already had plans, and you owe her nothing."
"F**k it could have been your own family and your already made plans would have come first because you'd probably lose out on a bunch of money cancelling."
"I would go to HR just to have it on record that she read your personal texts without permission and then used them to spread a negative image of you in the workplace, creating a hostile environment where it is now harder to do your work." ~ spid3rham90
"NTA - I'm sure your colleague only invited you and the rest of your team to be polite, and wasn't really expecting anyone to RSVP, yes."
"Your nosy co-worker is an a**hole to eavesdrop and then spread stupid gossip." ~ boomboombalatty
"NTA. The bride is chill with it."
"Go enjoy Oasis and Japan, and if you want, get the bride a small gift to celebrate her wedding." ~ ivylass
"NTA. You didn't want to go and aren't close to this coworker."
"The other one who scooped and eavesdropped on your text message was completely out of line."
"That was a personal, private discussion."
"Report them to HR as a hostile work environment." ~ WholeAd2742
"NTA. Reading someone's texts is totally out of line."
"A wedding invitation is a nice gesture, it's not an order."
"It's totally fine not to go to a coworker's wedding for ANY reason, but I wouldn't be able to spend 2k even on my best friend's weddings." ~ sweadle
"Of course, you're not wrong for not going."
"You don't actually think you might be, do you?"
"I wouldn't spend that money and travel for a friend's wedding, except perhaps my best friend, only if I could afford it comfortably, much less a colleague."
"I'd have a huge issue with the nosy coworker reading your messages."
"I'd report that one to HR." ~ Solid-Musician-8476
"NTA. That other colleague who was looking over your shoulder and reading your texts needs to be reported."
"The 95% truth rule means 95%, not stalking people's texts to get 100% from everyone else."
"If someone has something going on or just doesn't want to go, that's their choice, so let them cushion everyone else's mood while maintaining their position." ~ EternalThunderstorm8
"NTA. I doubt any work colleague would expect attendance at their (nowhere nearby) wedding."
"It's a little more likely if you live in a small town and the venue is there."
"The nosey-parker tattletale, though, deserves to be ostracized and undermined at the next opportunity." ~ Safe_Roof_2336
"NTA. The only AH in this story is the colleague who's reading other people's messages over their shoulder and then going around and blabbing to everyone like they're 5 years old."
"It's not even that person's wedding, so why you weren't going was absolutely none of their business."
"Definitely report them, maybe if they face some kind of trouble for their actions, they'll learn to stay out of other people's business." ~ DriftingLily9
"NTA. Spending $2,000 is excessive and unnecessary."
"You should not be expected to spend so much money on a wedding."
"If you do not wish to go, you should simply tell her that you don't want to spend money you want to save."
"Additionally, a colleague invading your privacy and informing others of a private conversation should not be tolerated."
"To me, that shows a lack of respect."
"You should report that colleague's behavior." ~ UltraDRex
"NTA. Don't apologize."
"You are fine not to go."
"And the other colleague is an AH." ~ k23_k23
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your co-worker's behavior is outrageous!
This definitely calls for a chat with HR.
How dare they invade your privacy?
And then spill all of your personal tea?
Some people are just mean.
If the bride's ok, it's nobody else's business.
And even if she wasn't ok, it's your life.
Good Luck.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.