The only way to really know if you can trust your partner is to trust them and see if they live up to it.
But some people cannot handle trusting first and find ways to test their partners, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor False-Damage5520 thought that everything was going well with his girlfriend, at least until they attended a birthday party together with some of their friends.
When he discovered that she had given him a “loyalty test” by sending a few of her friends to flirt with him and record his reaction, the Original Poster (OP) felt betrayed and wrongfully judged, and he wasn’t so sure about the relationship anymore.
He asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting by being annoyed that my girlfriend tested my ‘loyalty’ in front of all of our friends?”
The OP noticed some unusual behavior at a birthday party he attended.
“My girlfriend (23 Female) and I (20 Male) were at a birthday party for one of her friends this weekend. There were maybe 15 people there, mostly her friends, but some mutuals.”
“At some point, one of her single friends (who I’ve barely spoken to before) starts talking to me while my girlfriend is across the room. Normal conversation. Nothing weird. We were literally talking about where we grew up.”
“Out of nowhere, my girlfriend walks over and goes, ‘So… do you think she’s pretty?'”
“I thought she was joking, so I laughed and said, ‘I mean, sure? She’s objectively attractive.'”
“That was the wrong answer.”
Then the OP discovered this was all part of some “test.”
“Apparently, this was some kind of ‘loyalty test.'”
“Later that night, I found out she had told two of her friends beforehand to ‘see how I move when I’m around other girls.'”
“One of them admitted they were intentionally trying to flirt a little to see what I’d do.”
“Now my girlfriend is upset because I ‘entertained it’ instead of immediately shutting it down.”
“I’m upset because I feel like I was set up in front of a room full of people.”
“The next day, two of her friends texted her, saying I ‘seemed a little too comfortable.’ Now she says she feels embarrassed because she ‘defended me.'”
“I told her it’s weird to orchestrate a social experiment on me and then poll a jury about it. She said I’m overreacting and that ‘if you had nothing to hide, you wouldn’t care.'”
The OP felt uncomfortable and betrayed.
“Now it feels awkward with her entire friend group, and I feel like I’m being judged based on a situation they created.”
“Am I overreacting for being annoyed that I was basically put through a public loyalty test?”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some questioned if the OP’s girlfriend was mature enough to be in a relationship.
“What were you supposed to say in front of this girl? That you believed she was ugly?”
“Your girlfriend sounds insecure. People who do loyalty tests like this are not mature enough to be in adult relationships.”
“I would break up, OP. Life is short, and you are young, so why stay with someone who purposely humiliates you in public?” – swift_stegosaurus
“She’s 23 and acting like she’s in high school. You’re not overreacting. Loyalty testing someone you’re with is weird no matter what.” – blasianho
“NOR. If you’re setting your partner up for these kinds of tests, you obviously have trust issues and shouldn’t be in a relationship to begin with. I’d rethink dating this girl, OP, because she’s likely to continue doing things like this.” – copypop
“Loyalty tests are for insecure and immature people. Break up and find someone better.” – Ihavenoclue91
“100%, OP, cut your losses and move on. This girl is gonna continue to be toxic. She obviously has some insecurities that she needs to tackle before dating people.” – New-Avocado-3010
“I won’t lie, I had an ex tell me to tell her friend that she’s pretty.”
“I pulled my ex aside in front of her friend, and I said, ‘Don’t you ever ask me something like that again.'”
“That was the last time it happened. Don’t ask me questions that may make you feel insecure about us, I’m not playing the games.” – PaladinHunter
“NOR. The only acceptable response to that is, ‘That’s a really disrespectful question, to both me and her.'” – anonymommy15
“I can only imagine the ‘correct’ response is, ‘I only have eyes for my girlfriend,’ or something. I imagine.”
“The whole setup is just… cringe. A loyalty test? And one where failure includes simply saying, ‘I can see that she is objectively pretty, yes,’ which to me is a very neutral response… It just sucks.”
“I can imagine that if OP had said, ‘I don’t know, it’s not something I was thinking about,’ instead of looking at the friend and giving a response, then the girlfriend would have assumed he was not being truthful or avoiding getting himself in trouble with the truth.” – gabsaur
“I’ve been married to my husband for a (COUGH) long time. Wanna know how many times I’ve tested his loyalty? ZERO. That would have weakened our relationship, not helped it, and I wanted this thing to last.” – Heavy-Temporary5450
Others weren’t sure what the girlfriend was even trying to accomplish.
“NOR. I’d leave my partner if they revealed themselves capable of a profoundly stupid and immature stunt such as that. Especially if they followed up by doubling down. If anything, you’re underreacting.” – Reteperator
“Wouldn’t this be a good confirmation of honesty? If your significant other can’t handle that you find other people attractive BUT CHOSE THEM, then they are just super insecure, and they need to get over it.” – DiarrheaJohnson
“She doesn’t want you to be hospitable toward her… friends? That’s preschool s**t, not dating territory.”
“My boyfriend absolutely MUST get along with my friends. Except when I decide that means he’s a cheater. No, I won’t tell you what mode we’re in; you’ll know we’ve switched when I start yelling.” – AstuteSalamander
“Your girlfriend should be embarrassed… because she is embarrassing herself. What she did is extremely juvenile. Getting her friends involved? And this is a growna** woman?”
“NOR at all. We need to bring back shaming. Like, this is point-and-laugh levels of embarrassing on her part.” – collaredd
“Was he supposed to just refuse to talk to them or be friendly because… they are female? I don’t know how one passes this ‘test.'” – Grilled_Cheese10
“Seriously, isn’t the point of introducing your significant other to your friends for everyone to get along, get to know each other, and have a good time? Like, integrate them into the group?”
“How could you be yourself or enjoy yourself if you thought every interaction was a test? So weird. This is lowkey narcissistic and psycho behavior, in my opinion.” – Pmw9554
“My experience has been that the ones administering the ‘tests’ to their significant others are the cheaters. They keep the focus on you so nobody notices what they’re up to. Beware. And leave.” – Organic-Low-2992
“With this type of woman, there is never a correct answer and no way to pass the test.”
“As a woman, I have found that even being friends with someone like this is exhausting. I can’t imagine what being in a relationship would be like.” – One-Illustrator5452
“That’s some real childish behavior on her part. I’d be reconsidering the whole relationship if my significant other did something like that. A relationship with someone who is too immature would be so dramatic and draining.” – LittleMissKicks
“NOR. That is disrespectful to say the least. So your girlfriend likes to play games that you didn’t sign up for or consent to. Can you trust anything she does from this point forward? A move like that would honestly make me question the relationship. What did I do that made her feel the need to test me besides her just being a bored preteen with access to her mom’s Cosmopolitan or TikTok account with too many relationship trend videos liked and saved?” – RidiculousSucculent
“It may not be the right answer for the girlfriend, but it’d be the right answer for OP… but he needs to just call her out on it right then and there.”
“Do you think she’s pretty? The answer is, ‘What do you want to hear? If I say yes, you’re upset and think I’m tempted. If I say no, I’ve just insulted your friend. Whose feelings do you want me to hurt by ‘testing’ me this way?”
“People who do these ‘tests’ are horribly insecure and shallow. They need to be called out. It won’t end well for the relationship, but OP can have a clear conscience.” – Squibit314
The subReddit was left actively side-eyeing the OP’s girlfriend for how she tested him in front of everyone before accusing him of having something to hide if he was uncomfortable with being tested.
A relationship is nothing without a foundation of trust and communication.
If the girlfriend was unsure about something, she should have brought it up to the OP in private, not tested him in public. Now, most Redditors would find themselves second-guessing or ending the relationship the OP found himself in, and it seemed he was harboring the same thoughts.