Kids can be cruel sometimes.
Adults can also be cruel, but unkindness can begin at a young age.
It’s difficult to combat bullying with temperament and simple words.
But it is doable.
However, it seems not everyone would agree.
Redditor New_Science_1672 wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to make my daughter apologize to a girl she made mad?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My daughter 11 F[emale] had a soccer game today and I 39 M[ale] was able to take her.”
“I also took one of her teammates 11 girls home from their game as well.”
“This girl and my daughter are kinda friends, but they aren’t super close, and in my opinion, the girl can be kinda mean sometimes, and she was on the ride home.”
“My wife and I still have our daughter in a high back booster seat even though it’s not a legal requirement at her age in our state, and this girl doesn’t use one.”
“She started making fun of my daughter’s booster seat, saying things like ‘you’re a big baby’ and ‘you sit in a baby seat.'”
“My daughter got upset but then told this girl ‘I like my booster seat I can see out the window a lot better then you can with it’ and ‘I have my own seat in the car just for me with my own cupholders and a special place for my snacks.'”
“She then proceeded to show this girl the secret compartment her booster seat has that she keeps her snacks and sometimes toys in.”
“This made the girl stop teasing my daughter about her booster seat, and the rest of the ride went okay.”
“We dropped the girl off at her house,e and then we went home.”
“But later I got a call from the the girls mother, she was furious with me saying that her daughter came home and said my daughter was very mean to her and made fun of her for not having a booster seat.”
“I told her that her daughter wasn’t being very nice, and maybe if she was nicer to my daughter, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“But this just made her more mad.”
“She said I was a terrible father and still insisted I make my daughter apologize to her daughter, but I still refused because I don’t think my daughter has anything to apologize for.”
“Since then she has sent me a few angry text messages demanding I make my daughter apologize.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“I’m gonna say 100% NTA, but with a caveat.”
“Maybe you didn’t type it out above to save time, but did you just defend your daughter, or did you explain the exchange between your daughter and her friend?”
“If not, try to think about the mother P[oint] O[f] V[eiw], her daughter just came home and said your daughter was mean to her.”
“How would you react if your daughter said that to you without the context?”
“The mother only has one side of the story.”
“Again, I am just speculating, but if the mother keeps pushing you, make sure she knows the full exchange between the kids.”
“If she’s still insisting on an apology, then I’d say save your energy and tell her you won’t be able to give her daughter FREE LIFTS anymore.”
“Real hero of this story is your daughter for standing up for herself!” ~ ChampionshipOne6259
“NTA. But you missed a step.”
“You told the mom her daughter wasn’t very nice.”
“What you DIDN’T do is tell her you heard the entire interaction, and while her daughter started the whole thing by making fun of your daughter, all your daughter did was point out all the cool features and advantages of her car seat.”
“She said absolutely nothing bullying towards her daughter.”
“By jumping straight to my daughter has nothing to apologize for without correcting the content of the conversation, it sounds to the mom that you are condoning your daughter making fun of the other girl.”
“And it doesn’t let her know the other girl is lying and manipulating.” ~ myssi24
“NTA. Your daughter handled the bully perfectly.”
“If anyone needs to apologize, it’s the bully and her mother.”
“You’re raising an amazing daughter.”
“She was confident enough not to let that bully comments get to her, and instead showed her the perks of her Booster seat, rather than be embarrassed about it.”
“Great parenting!” ~ REDDIT
“I don’t think you needed to intervene at all, if the girl had kept her mouth shut and brought it up at school or somewhere you weren’t present, you wouldn’t have been able to, and your daughter handled it like a queen anyway.”
“The other mom is way out of line.”
“Like, I get calling when your kid comes home upset, but as soon as you said she started it, mom shoulda buttoned up and had a good long talk with her brat of a daughter before going any further.”
“Definitely NTA, dad, and bonus points for raising your daughter to stick up for herself so effectively!” ~ my_old_aim_name
“NTA. It’s great that your daughter was able to stand up for herself.”
“I would stop offering the other girl rides — and definitely not if the mom doesn’t stop harassing you about an apology.” ~ calicodynamite
“NTA, and it sounds like that mother can do her own leg work from now on if she’s going to be rude about it after you’ve explained what happened.”
“Block her and move on with life.”
“Her daughter’s sh*tty behaviour is probably a direct result of her own attitude so it’s unlikely to change.”
“You don’t get to rant at someone and then continue to use their generosity.”
“Don’t mess around with Mama; you’re gonna be doing a lot more soccer game trips.” ~ TrashPandaLJTAR
“Goodness. She’s one of THOSE moms.”
“You’re NTA, and your daughter is a boss.”
“Took that bullying and flamed it like a dragon.”
“Good for her.” ~ Cali-GirlSB
“NTA. Your daughter responded very maturely.”
“Perhaps don’t let your daughter hang out with this girl anymore, though?”
“She’s mean and lies.” ~ yellowsunrise_
“NTA. Your daughter didn’t do anything wrong.”
“She just defended herself by pointing out the cool features on her seat that the other girl doesn’t have.”
“There’s nothing mean about that.” ~ alv269
“NTA. Is she going to have her daughter apologize for calling your daughter a baby and making fun of her?”
“Did you tell her this, and she just didn’t care/believe you?”
“Because I would tell this mom to kick rocks and not drive her daughter home anymore.”
“Parents who act like their kids can do no wrong are the reasons they end up being brats in the first place.” ~ Becca092115
“Your daughter was being teased and she handled it pretty well by standing up for herself without being mean.”
“The other girl’s mom is being ridiculous by trying to twist the story and make your daughter the bad guy.”
“It sounds like her daughter started the whole thing by making fun of your daughter’s booster seat.”
“Your daughter didn’t insult the other girl; she just pointed out the positives of her own situation.”
“You were right to not make your daughter apologize for defending herself.”
“Maybe the other mom should have a talk with her own daughter about not being a bully in the first place.”
“Don’t let her guilt trip you; you did the right thing by supporting your daughter.”
“Her kid tried to dish it out and couldn’t handle it when your daughter didn’t just take it.” ~ Petalwhisperrrr
“My daughter is also more petite and rode in a booster until around the same age, too, so good on you for doing what you believe is safe for your daughter.”
“I think she handled it really well, too.”
“In truth, that other girl’s mother is exactly the reason that other girl felt comfortable talking to your daughter that way.”
“That mother doesn’t want your daughter to apologize for being mean; she’s upset that her jealous daughter wanted something to make her feel special, too, so now the mom’s trying to bully you both over it.”
“You’re NTA, and I wouldn’t offer any more rides to the supposed friend.” ~ Ok-Snow956
“NTA… I would have told her exactly how her daughter acted.”
“And topped it off with… and now I understand where she gets it.”
“We don’t apologize for nicely standing up for ourselves.”
“If you were a good mom, you’d explain to her now that you understand what actually happened that she actually owes my daughter the apology.”
“With every text she sent, I would tell her that her daughter acting childish is understandable, but that she is an adult and this tantrum is unacceptable.”
“But, I am the a**hole, and just accept it about myself.”
“Try it, its so freeing.” ~ Rosie_Hymen
“Sounds like your daughter handled the situation really well for an 11-year-old.”
“I would tell the other mother that her daughter was rude and that it’s unacceptable behavior.”
“You will not be driving her anymore, and not to contact you any further.” ~ Illustrious_Bag_7323
“Not at all… your daughter handled that girl’s taunting with a grace I don’t see often in kids.”
“She wasn’t argumentative or angry, she just explained why she’s not ashamed of being an older kid with quote, ‘a baby seat.’”
“The other girl was bratty, sure, but I blame the parents more for enabling that behavior than I do her for feeling inadequate in the moment, that’s just something that happens at that age.”
“Demanding she be compensated for it when she was in the wrong, however, is a surefire way to raise a monster.”
“They need to nip that in the bud before she genuinely grows to be an awful person and frankly do a little self-reflection themselves.”
“Keep standing your ground, and don’t punish your kid for refusing to take s**t.” ~ Other-Ad4174
“One, you’re never TA for not forcing your child to apologize.”
“Forced apologies are either empty ritual or humiliating violations of the individual’s own judgment.”
“Two, in this case, your daughter was in the right.”
“The other girl was teasing her, and she responded with dignity.”
“NTA, on two counts.” ~ philautos
“NTA. First of all, huge props to your daughter for being able to take what was meant as an insult to her and turning it into an absolute flex!”
“I could immediately see the green in the other girls eyes when she showed her the pros of having her car seat.”
“Second of all, that other girl got a pretty good lesson on ‘don’t dish it if you can’t take it;’ and honestly, it wasn’t even that bad in terms of her not being able to take it.”
“Like I said above, all your daughter did was list all the reasons why her having a car seat was completely awesome to her, absolutely not her fault that the other girl got peanut butter and jealous over that.”
“Just block the number of the parent who keeps hounding you to have your daughter apologize, and hopefully you and your family keep living your best lives!” ~ Gtowneupho1
“NTA. I have a 10-year-old still in a high back booster because she is the size of an average 7-year- old.”
“She absolutely is required by state law to be in one because of her stature.”
“She is so self-conscious, though.”
“She prefers to never be seen in the car, refuses to be dropped off in the car line, and is very unwilling to have others in our car without being sure they’re going to respect her enough not to comment.”
“I would have told the snotty girl, ‘Daughter has no say in what seat she sits in, this decision is between in Daughter’s mother and I, you need to keep your comments about it to yourself because its not kind of commenting about things people have no choice about like their car booster, their parents’ choices and rules, etc.'”
“But your daughter stood up for herself very confidently.”
“Bravo to her.” ~ wildferalfun
OP responded…
“Glad to hear you’re keeping your daughter safe too.”
“Maybe you could point out the cool perks her booster seat provides her, and how she has her own special seat in the car, that might make her like it more and be less self-conscious about it.”
“Maybe I should have told this girl how mean it was of her to make fun of my daughter’s booster seat when she has no say in riding in it, but my daughter handled her pretty good, it seems LOL.”
“I’m glad my daughter didn’t get really upset and start hating her booster seat because of this girl’s mean comments.”
“I mean don’t get me wrong you’re right she’s 11, and she has no say in riding in it, it’s up to her mom and I, and she is staying in her booster seat until she fits the seatbelt properly without it, but it wouldn’t be very much fun having to argue with her and hear her complain about it LOL.”
It sounds like you have this handled, OP.
Reddit is clearly here if you need more backup.
Perhaps you should send this thread to the girl’s mother.
This way she can learn a few lessons about parenting and apologies.
Good for your daughter for standing up for herself.