The last year has seen my family start a small garden in our front lawn.
We have cuca melons and tomatoes, basil and thyme.
The work we've put into the little patch of dirt is a point of pride for us and we enjoy every piece of food or spice we pull from the ground.
So what if someone decided to help themselves to your hard-grown food.
How would you react to that sort of violation?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) AITAGreenHouse when he came to the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
He asked:
"AITA for refusing to let a woman take for from my green house and pressing charges"
First, OP set the stage.
"I (30 Male) live in a nice little neighborhood, everyone knows everybody, we all have our own space and many have flower gardens."
"I have a green house in my backyard that is visible from the street and behind a four-foot picket fence."
"We got a new neighbor, haven't had the chance to meet them until today."
Everything was fine, until...
"I have a camera in my yard that notified me of movement near the greenhouse so I went and checked and that's when I found a lady and young teen picking tomatoes and peppers in my green house."
"I raised my voice and asked what on earth they were doing and the woman says it's fine she's friends with the owner."
"I asked if she wants to run that by me again cause in the owner and I don't know who the hell they are."
"When she realized she was caught she tried to leave with a bag full of vegetables, I told her she isn't leaving with that food and she has two minutes to drop it and leave or I'm pressing charges."
"She starts crying that she's trying to feed her child and needs it and that she can't afford this on her record but I didn't feel like rewarding a theft and took the food from her and called the cops."
"She's telling everyone im an a**hole and a toxic man and though most are telling her she's in the wrong, her friends on facebook are telling me I'm an a**hole and should be ashamed."
OP was left to wonder,
"AITA?"
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some pointed out that the theft was premeditated.
"NTA - she stole from you. She should have talked with you beforehand."
"The fact that she has the lie "I know the owner" ready to go makes me think she's used to stealing." ~ Swegh_
"This, NTA."
"Clearly she thought she could get away with this by stating 'I know the owner' when she in fact, did not."
"She lied, tried to steal, and overall that whole 'afford to feed my kids!' is likely a lie as well to try and gain sympathy, make your FB private, f*ck her 'friends' and get a lock for your greenhouse."
"It may be made of glass but the damned door should have a latch for a lock."
"If she breaks it to try and get food, well, cameras are wonderful and I'm glad you have them!" ~ WolfPetter42
Others had personal stories.
"We had this going on in my neighborhood a few years back."
"These two middle aged women would make the rounds of backyard gardens and help themselves (during the day when most people were working)."
"When caught they'd babble in another language and pretend they didn't know English."
"Finally, after other methods failed to stop them the police were called as the victims knew where they lived."
"Two visits later from the police they finally stopped. We called it 'The Case of the Purloined Produce.' NTA" ~ MidwestNormal
"There's some lady here that keeps stealing someone's lemons."
"No, I'm not referencing that thing though I have been seriously tempted to make that joke."
"She's done it multiple times and these people have cameras and have posted her picture."
"Pretty bold!"
"Oh and NTA for sure. maybe if you don't want theft on your record, don't steal?" ~ wildflowers
"That reminds me of my mum, growing a beautiful solitary poppy in our front yard, and looking forward to harvesting the seeds once the flower was finished."
"Just to have someone steal the whole flower and seed pod. She thinks it was the bus driver who goes by our house but I'm not sure. Shame either way." ~ Paroxysm111
"I have this issue with my herb & flower gardens."
"The college aged kids up the road in student housing waltz by & help themselves."
"They tried a couple times after I moved the planters to my backyard, but I guess they didn't fancy the risk of being attacked by my lab/great dane mix who looks imposing or my daughter's chao demon who takes the form of a stocky rat terrier."
"The big one is a marshmallow but the small one would rip off their limbs."
"NTA this is theft, plain & simple."
"If she didn't want charges or a record, she shouldn't have broken into your yard & greenhouse & stolen your property."
"If you hadn't involved the police & served up some consequences for her actions, lord knows what else she'd have stolen from neighbors." ~ OpossumJesusHasRisen
Commenters came with lists.
"Oh so she went out of her way to get others to harass you about this and left a paper trail?"
"If I were you OP id get the ball rolling for"
"Harassment"
"Theft"
"Tresspassing"
"Breaking and entering"
"Vandalism"
"She can run the waterworks all she likes."
"Gotta stamp this crap out now Im surprised you let her leave without calling the cops before going into the greenhouse."
"Let her friends harass you and dig her own grave. Id file a police report about the incident and hit her with the book."
"People like this drive me insane. Like what?! Just appearing in a room in someones home you own is NOT okay. Neighboor or not she sounds like a piece of work." ~ [deleted]
"Nta."
"First of all, it is your own greenhouse and you can do with it as you please and besides, theft is kinda theft."
"Second of all, I feel that the whole 'I am trying to feed my child' argument is just an excuse because if she was truly in a bad position she wouldnt have done the whole 'I am friends with the owner, dont mind me' spiel."
"She is now playing the victim card to everyone that will listen, so dont worry too much about it since they dont know your side of the story as well." ~ FluffSheeple
For many, it just came down to theft being a crime.
"Someone tries to steal from you and you're wondering if YOU are the A?"
"Uh, no. Just the opposite."
"The only reason I have anything in my yard beyond grass and pavers is because people tend to notify police about trespassers and thieves."
"Other neighborhoods in my city are having problems with anything like flowers, fruit, lawn furniture, etc., being stolen within days, if not hours."
"So, I would be delighted to have someone who did what you did as a neighbor."
"The thief could have easily avoided the issue by keeping her hands off things that did not belong to her. Not to mention, what a crappy mother, teaching her kid to steal."
"That said, of course her friends on Facebook are telling you that you're the asshole."
"Birds of a feather flock together, and all that. If they're so concerned, why don't THEY give her some food?" ~ ReflectingPond
"Nta."
"She's straight up a thief and tried to steal your food."
"If she needed it that badly she should have asked you first, then gone and picked up some with your permission."
"It wasn't hers."
"She didn't grow it and it wasn't in a community garden where that behavior is encouraged. You can't help yourself to your neighbors veggies and expect to not face legal consequences."
"She's lucky she wasn't shot in this day and age."
"You had full right to call the cops on her."
"Maybe she'll learn to stop stealing ad go to a good pantry the legal way like everyone else or apply for snap benefits to get food legally." ~ depressivedarkling
Though, not everyone felt that OP was in the clear.
"ESH, especially the other people commenting She was definitely wrong for not just asking you and then lying to you about it."
"However, it is a pandemic and like you said, you don't know her, therefore you don't know her situation."
"It is very possible that she cannot afford to feed her child and this was her only way to get fresh produce."
"I feel like you should have a conversation with her, especially now that it's not the heat of the moment, and explain to her that you're not OK with her behavior."
"Or if you do care to help her, that she at least has to ask."
"But knowingly sending somebody to jail or possibly prison for just trying to get some food is cruel to me, especially when we are in the economic situation that we are now."
"Also, getting the police involved is not going to get you your fresh produce back. All this is going to do is, at minimum, potentially leave a child without a parent." ~ Cafesinleche95
OP did return with some final thoughts.
"Edited for information:"
"When she was offered the chance to leave without police involvement she screamed at me and broke a pot that had some chives growing."
"I don't have her on facebook."
"However my name is on my mailbox and have since put my account to private."
"If she had asked first, by all means I would have given her a couple peppers, tomatoes even some squash, but she didn't."
Sometimes, the difference between a crime and a favor is a question.
The OP above even says that had the thief simply asked for some food he'd have happily parted with some of his hard-grown veggies.
Whether she actually needed help or just wanted free food is anyone's guess, but always remember to be direct with your needs, you'd be surprised how many people are eager to help.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.