Redditor CarnivoreRoar is a 25-year-old who attended a casual celebration dinner for their best friend’s engagement.
The small gathering with friends was a potluck–which was the bride-to-be’s decision. She and her best friend provided drinks and dessert while everyone else was requested to bring the food.
When the Redditor provided their dish, it wasn’t a hit with everyone at the party.
After being confronted by a displeased partygoer about their contribution, they visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek a second opinion.
They asked:
“AITA for bringing meat to the potluck?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (25) best friend (23) just got engaged, so our friend group is having a small celebration in addition to the more formal engagement party their families are throwing.”
“There are nine of us attending altogether, and the bride to be decided on a potluck. She and BFF provided drinks + dessert, and the rest of us brought the food.”
“I brought Korean BBQ with kimchi as my dish, and it was a big hit. However, one member of our friend group is a vegetarian, and his feelings were hurt.”
“He said I intentionally excluded him. However, I knew a lot of other people would bring vegetarian dishes, and I wanted there to be at least one meat option.”
“He asked why my BBQ dish couldn’t have been made with tofu instead of beef, and yeah, I guess it could have, but it wouldn’t have tasted the same.”
“I think having one dish present he couldn’t eat wasn’t a big deal, but AITA? The kimchi was separate, so he could and did eat some.”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA. You friend sounds entitled. It’s the same as any dietary preference – there will almost always be things that you can’t eat. You just eat the things that you like / can” – xpotential31
“NTA. I have food intolerances. As long as people are honest about what a dish contains, I don’t care if they bring something I can’t eat.” – TinyRascalSaurus
“NTA. Been veggie/vegan for a total of 15 years and he is TA for throwing a fit over literally nothing. He could eat other dishes and realise the world doesn’t revolve around him.”
“Also, just a note: most kimchi contains fish (anchovies) so unless you made it yourself or its labelled veggie it probably isn’t suitable for vegetarians.” – Raynefalle
“NTA Obviously your vegetarian friend does not understand the word ‘potluck’ and should STFU The whole point is you bring a dish to the potluck, it is for all, any or NONE to try.”
“As long as you post a note with ingredients for all the allergens you are good. Did the vegetarian bring a tofu dish? your choice if you tried his!!” – Not_really1010
“NTA it’s a potluck, you aren’t responsible for bringing something that will suit the tastes of every single person and a person isn’t obligated to eat everything at a potluck so your vegetarian friend would have other options to choose from.”
“But ultimately I’d say the rest of you shouldn’t have to suffer solely for the dietary choices of one person.” – GunHasWiFi
“It would have been fine if you’d only brought one dish and it had meat, but you really brought TWO dishes and one of them was vegetarian! It’s a kind thing to do to take every guest’s dietary restrictions into account, but you’re definitely not required to, especially if you’re not the host.”
“If the guest of honor was vegetarian, I’d say that you should have brought only veg dishes. But that wasn’t the case here. It’s not a big deal to only eat 8/9 available dishes. Your friend is oversensitive.” – fizzbangwhiz
“NTA if someone has a specific dietary requirement that the majority of the group doesn’t follow. Then they need to be the one to make sure they bring something they can eat. They cannot expect for everyone else to bring something that is vegetarian/gluten free/keto/vegan etc.” – commenter23450
“NTA kimchi is vegetarian (and delicious) and you personally are not required to feed him a full vegetarian meal at a potluck. Not sure why he’s upset when there was another option you brought as well.” – scaliesnek
“NTA. I’m vegetarian and I never expect other people to alter their dishes for me. I bring something I can eat and I’m thrilled if others do too, but I don’t count on it. He sounds like an entitled attention seeker.” – coldgator
“NTA. I love people that get cranky pants over this stuff – did you start bawling too about how there wasn’t enough dead flesh for you to eat and you’re all butt hurt because there was no hamburger in the dish he brought? Feel free to text him daily about this, that he ruined the whole event for you with a picture of you sobbing while wiping your tears with a steak.” – Affectionate_Ice_658
“NTA, a lot of my friends are vegetarian (not all of them) and whenever we do a potluck i almost always bring something that has meat – sometimes i’ll make a meat option and veggie option if it’s something really tasty – because i want to eat it and since i made it, i will eat it.”
“if it goes untouched then more for me. not once have my veggie friends complained about this NTA.” – AdFrequent2731
“NTA – unless the people throwing the potluck say ‘please only bring vegetarian dishes’ then I think you’re fine to bring meat. What would he have done if you’d brought something vegetarian that he didn’t like.. you don’t have to eat everything at the potluck!” – Krusttina
“NTA, he was pretty much asking you to exclude meat eaters from the potluck. That’s not really being inclusive on his behalf given the potluck already had plenty of veggie options. Especially given the couple themselves didn’t designate the potluck as X (e.g. veggie, dairy only, etc).”
“The guy is just being an entitled AH, sounds like it was a potluck with something for everyone, regardless of your diet preference or religious beliefs.” – theplaybay
“NTA. As a vegetarian, this one is a little tricky. While I don’t expect the entire meal to be vegetarian, I would definitely feel excluded if there was no main course that was vegetarian.”
“The amount of times I have been told to just “have more salad” is annoying. A salad without protein is just going to make me hungry again in less than 2 hours.”
“But if that was the issue, then I would being a vegetarian main course myself. So long as at least some of the side dishes were also vegetarian, then I wouldn’t mind if someone brought pulled pork to the potluck.”
“I guess it just depends on what dishes were at the potluck. Maybe when he got to the potluck, he noticed that there weren’t any vegetarian entrees, and he didn’t bring one because he was in charge of bringing dessert or something.”
“I don’t know. It really depends on what type of communication there was here. I don’t think you’re an AH. But I also wonder if there was a sign-up sheet. Not of specific recipes, but maybe something like:”
“________________________Vegetarian main dish”
“________________________Beef main dish”
“________________________Nut-free dessert”
“________________________Mac & cheese”
“etc…”
“That way there is definitely a main dish for everyone at the party.” – NotSoAverage_sister
“NTA- Did they bring a meat dish for all the non veggie people or the people who hate veggies? It’s a potluck.”
“You bring what you bring, preferably something you’ll eat so you know there’s at least one thing there for you.” – LiberryPrincess
“NTA eef that ish. Nobody should ever be expected to cater their likes and dislikes based upon a friend/family members preferences. Out of the 60ish people on my mothers immediate side of the family two of them are vegan.”
“They prepared their own meal at the family reunion. Didn’t turn their noses up at anyone else’s meat plates….some people just suck. Sorry you had tot deal with that.” – Jammin_neB13
“NTA- I’m vegetarian and other people there ate meat. It would’ve been different if this were explicitly a vegetarian party, the bride or groom were vegetarian, or you were in charge of the main dish. Even so, at most for the last two, it would’ve been an honest mistake.” – FancyPantsDancer
“NTA. You knew there would be vegetarian options available, and you were not asked by the host/hostess to bring a vegetarian dish. People with dietary restrictions should not expect the rest of the world to cater to them (I say this as a person with food allergies).” – Diasies_inMyHair
The OP updated the post to clarify a couple points.
“Edit: A couple people mentioned I’d be TA if the bride or groom were vegetarian. Full disclosure, they are not vegetarian, but they are Jewish, and since most of the other dishes had dairy, they didn’t eat the BBQ either.”
“But they aren’t upset because they didn’t designate the event as ‘meaty’ or ‘milky.’ Our veg friend says this should have gone without saying, though.”
Overall, Redditors thought the OP was not obligated to cater to one party guest with dietary restrictions, and that when it comes to attending a potluck party, anything goes.