Most of us have found ourselves in some kind of debt at one time or another, or we at least felt the strain of paying our bills on time while still being able to afford to eat.
But some of us have been in dire enough situations that we had to sell things that were important to us, just to make ends meet, with no real hope of ever seeing those things again, empathized the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor OkStory2053 found himself in such a situation because of a series of unexpected expenses, so he sold the one thing that he knew had the monetary value that he needed: his prized, collected from children Pokémon card collection.
When his wife found out about it, the Original Poster (OP) was surprised that instead of being worried about him or being sorry for his loss, she blamed him for trying to guilt-trip her spending habits.
He asked the sub:
“Am I the a**hole for selling my Pokémon card collection to help pay bills, even though my wife is mad about it?”
The OP and his wife were going through a tough financial time.
“My wife (30 Female) and I (32 Male) have been going through a rough financial patch over the last few months.”
“Nothing catastrophic, but between rising bills, groceries, and some unexpected expenses, money has been tighter than we are used to.”
“We have had several conversations about needing to cut back on spending and be more careful financially.”
The OP realized he had to do something drastic if they were going to stay afloat.
“For context, I have had a Pokémon card collection since I was a kid. Over the years, I added to it, took good care of it, and it honestly means a lot to me sentimentally. Some of the cards are worth decent money now, but I never really planned on selling them unless I absolutely had to.”
“Recently, I realized we were starting to fall behind on a couple bills, so I decided to sell part of my collection. It was not an easy decision, but I figured helping stabilize our finances was more important than holding onto cardboard, even if it was meaningful to me.”
“The money helped cover bills and relieved a lot of my personal stress about our situation.”
The OP’s wife did not react in the way he expected.
“Here is where the issue starts. While I have been trying to cut spending, my wife has continued going out with friends fairly often. She goes to brunches, shopping trips, concerts, and weekend outings.”
“I have tried bringing up budgeting and cutting spending together, but she usually says she needs those things for her mental health and social life.”
“When she found out I sold my collection, she got really upset. She said I should have talked to her first because she knows how much the collection meant to me.”:
“She also said I was being dramatic and that there were other ways we could have handled the bills.”
“I pointed out that I have been trying to reduce spending while she has not really changed her habits, and that is when the argument got worse.”
The OP’s wife tried to pin the blame on him for criticizing her spending habits.
“Now she says I am guilt-tripping her and making her feel like she is irresponsible with money.”
“I told her I am not trying to attack her, but I feel frustrated that I sacrificed something important to me while she is still spending on things that do not feel necessary given our situation.”
“She thinks I made a rash decision and is upset that I sold something sentimental.”
“I feel like I was trying to be responsible and help both of us.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that his wife had no reason to be upset if she was unwilling to do anything differently to help with their financial situation.
“NTA. If she’s upset that you sold part of your collection to stay on top of everything, then she should be cutting back too, so that you won’t have to stay on top of everything by yourself.” – RaineMist
“Wait, she’s upset that you sold part of your collection to pay bills and sacrifice something important to you, and made her look at her own actions? Would it have been better if you had sold your body to get the money?”
“You gave up something from your childhood, and all she did was continue to blow through money. She is your financial problem. If you guys have a joint account, separate it now. She shouldn’t have access to your money if she’s gonna be irresponsible and selfish.” – EfficientTomorrow533
“He has a big problem on his hands if he was so worried about finances that he had to sell part of his prized childhood collection to pay bills while she is still shopping and going to brunch.”
“Then, instead of seeing him selling his cards as a wake-up call, she manipulated the situation to suggest that he is guilt-tripping her.”
“OP fundamentally has different financial values from his wife. If they can get that sorted, they are going to have some real problems down the road. I have seen soq this plays out. NTA.” – Additional_Tea1521
“Selling part of the collection seems like a momentous sacrifice to me. It’s very sad that the wife saw that and instead of being wracked with guilt, she’s saying, ‘It’s your fault! You didn’t need to do that!'”
“OP should probably stop minimising the situation. Instead of saying, ‘It was my decision, it needed to be done,’ say, ‘It’s 100% your fault. If you’d reigned in your spending and been open to adult serious conversations, I wouldn’t have had to sell a collection I’ve been building since childhood. The bills needed to be paid. I’ll probably never be able to justify re-buying those items again because they’ve increased in price so much.'”
“Separate bank accounts with a joint account for bills might be an idea. Both have to contribute a set amount or percentage for bills and living costs. If wife can’t come up with the money because she’s been eating out, she needs to scramble to provide the shortfall.” – Filosifee
“NTA.”
“Personally, I think you’re a great husband for prioritising your family’s financial needs over your personal wants.”
“I can understand what you’re feeling, as well. I, too, have had to sell my personal collections of MtG cards and numismatic coins to help tide me over during financial issues. Fortunately for me, I have managed to get myself back into a comfortable financial position now and managed to rebuild part of my collection (at a greater cost, frigging dual lands man, sold beta, bought revised. Pain is real).”
“I think your wife is upset and gaslighting you, as she knows that she is part of the problem. If she knew how much that collection meant to you, she should have given alternative solutions to the problem. You took that action because it was probably the only logical option you had.”
“If I were you, I’d sit down with her and ask her for what alternative solutions she would be able to provide. If she is unable to do so, I’d start thinking long and hard about my financial future.” – blackrozeinc
Others agreed and wondered if this marriage could last, at least without the help of a financial advisor or financial management lessons.
“NTA. Your wife is irresponsible with money. You are, in fact, being responsible.”
“You need to get into couples counseling immediately. If she refuses, you need to leave her. Unless something changes, she is going to lead you to financial ruin. DO NOT accept that future.”
“As much as I hate them, it is, in fact, ultimatum time in your marriage.”
“Not being on the same page about finances is a huge marriage killer. Don’t ignore this. Deal with it now. If she continues being unwilling, don’t be with her.” – GreekAmericanDream
“NTA. Time to open a separate bank account and put limits on the credit cards. Put your income into your account. Talk to a lawyer about the situation to make sure you don’t make any major mistakes that could bite you if you end up divorcing.”
“Find a couples counselor and book an appointment. This is an emergency level. You two are not on the same page.”
“She can still have outings that cost little to no money. She is choosing not to change her habits. Is she embarrassed to tell her friends that she needs to spend less?” – rora_borealis
“If you are ‘behind on bills,’ but she spends on frivolous activities because she ‘needs those things for her mental health and social life,’ then she categorically IS irresponsible with money, and she’s the a**hole here.”
“She is willing to negatively affect your finances by being a spendthrift. She SHOULD feel bad and she SHOULD be ‘attacked’ by spending irresponsibly. The only defense here would be if you kept her in the dark about the shortfalls.”
“I’d recommend ONE hard conversation about your finances and how you need to manage them, and then it will fall for her to rein it in, or you to decide if you can live like this.” – parodytx
“Reality is, one or both spouses being fiscally irresponsible leads to the death of a relationship. Doesn’t matter how great a partner is if they drag you into poverty and scarcity, it leads to ongoing stress that will erode all the other benefits they contribute.”
“Doesn’t matter if it is Saint Theresa or a bar-hopping hooligan if they strip the family of financial well-being, good luck ever having kids or long-term financial goals.” – PatienceSpare3137
“If OP isn’t willing to leave his wife if she doesn’t learn to stay in budget, then he should at the very least decide to start splitting all bills 50/50 and make sure that at least half are in her name.”
“If OP ends up having to cover her half of a mandatory bill (rent/mortgage, utilities, health insurance, etc.), then he needs to take that out of the money he owes her for the half of the bills in her name. Get rid of any joint accounts, credit cards, etc. Just Zelle or Venmo each other your half (after seeing the actual bill, because I would not put it past her to inflate her half).”
“And after you get sick of living like that, ask yourself again why you are staying married to someone who is so irresponsible that she will spend money you don’t have, allow you to sacrifice things important to you, and still not give a damn. She is acting extremely selfish and irresponsible.”
“NTA. What a turn-off.” – JustKindaHappenedxx
The subReddit felt terrible for what the OP had to give up to make ends meet, but they felt even worse that his wife did not feel the way they were feeling, instead making the situation about herself and her poor spending choices.
If they were going to make it, clearly the OP’s wife needed to change her ways, or there’d be a lot more than a prized Pokémon collection needed to stay out of debt.