Society has rules.
Some can be bent.
Others are strictly enforced.
We teach our children these rules – and more importantly how to follow them – by making similar rules in our homes.
No shouting, no fighting.
What happens, though, when someone feels that their child is above the rules?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) midnight_storm_ when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my sister her son is only special to her”
Greetings and backstory.
“I (f26) have 3 older siblings.”
“This is about my oldest sister ‘Abby’ (f37).”
“Abby has a son (5) and I have a daughter (1).”
“Abby dealt with years of fertility issues and had probably 10+ miscarriages.”
The good news.
“Then she had her son and of course, he was Abby’s miracle rainbow baby, we were so happy for her.”
“But then it leads to Abby spoiling her son and letting him get away with everything because he’s a ‘miracle’ and he’s ‘special’. Everyone has always bit their tongue when it comes to her son because of that.”
“On Saturday I had my daughter’s first birthday party.”
“It was mostly family and a few of my close friends were invited I invited Abby and her son because everyone else in our family was invited so I felt bad excluding her.”
“We had different activities for the kids to do.”
The…problem.
“Abby’s son didn’t like any of them. He was upset none of the presents were for him. He didn’t want to eat any of the food we had.”
“He then decided to try and push the cake off the table because apparently, he was mad the cake wasn’t his.”
“I got super upset at Abby for allowing her son to act that way.”
“She went on to say her son is special.”
“I said her son is only special to her which is understandable. But to everyone else, he’s a spoiled brat which shouldn’t be overlooked because he was your special miracle baby.”
“Abby called me a b*tch and left crying.”
“A few family members have since called me an AH because I’ve never dealt with a miscarriage so I don’t understand how painful it was for Abby to deal with years of that before her son.”
“It’s not that I don’t realize her son is special to her but it doesn’t give the excuse for Abby to allow him to act like a spoiled brat.”
OP was left to wonder,
AITA?
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Actions had consequences.
“NTA, and you are 100% correct.”
“While he is her miracle baby, no one else in the world is going to coddle him except her, and she is raising him to be a spoiled entitled brat which will only bring him issues later in life.”
“He needs some manners and discipline and your sister needs a wake up call.”
“What is she going to say to the police when he gets arrested for his bad behavior?”
“But officer, he’s my miracle baby, he didn’t mean to steal/assault someone/whatever stupid thing he did because he thinks he can get away with it.”
“It’s better she realize this now than when he’s older and there are real life consequences to his actions” ~ theworldisonfire8377
“Seems wild that parents who, after tragedy, get blessed with the chance of having a normal child just like everyone else which is what they desperately wanted more than anything…”
“Then they proceed to raise them in a completely bizarre way to ensure they grow up mentally damaged from such a sheltered and spoiled upbringing.”
“I mean if my kid couldn’t handle a recess detention I’d be absolutely terrified that something was seriously wrong with her if she was so maladjusted from the way I raised her that a single time-out required therapy.”
“It’s like they want to raise the kid for 18 years completely free of any consequences for their actions without any thought to the devastating impact that kind of upbringing will have when the kid reaches the real world and the intense difficulties they will face for the rest of their life as a result of that.” ~ cheapdrinks
“There have been so many stories about ‘miracle babies’ and parents letting them get away with anything and wanting everyone else’s world to revolve around them.”
“Do they really think that their special child is untouchable???”
“It’ll definitely be a wake up call when the child goes too far and actually has to face consequences. Then the parent(s) will lash out at the fam and blame them” ~ MoonMelodicStation
“Yup.”
“As a parent, I can say it is SOOOOO hard to do things that disappoint your kid, like enforcing consequences for bad behavior or setting boundaries for their health and safety.”
“Watching them cry over something like not getting presents on someone else’s birthday is HARD. But you do the hard thing, because it’s the right thing, and because you love your child more than you love your own comfort.” ~ DinosaurDogTiger
Boundaries!
“Agreed. I’ve suffered several miscarriages and would never tolerate any of my kids acting like that. Kids need boundaries to help them feel safe and to teach them social norms.”
“Letting him run riot is setting him up for failure now and in the future. OP is NTA, and her sister is making her own life harder.” ~ Exotic-Broccoli-1761
“It should be illegal to struggle so hard to make a baby and then totally neglect actually raising them to be wonderful adults.”
“I’m childless and don’t understand the feeling of losing a baby but I can’t imagine going through so much to get them just to fail them again and again.”
“A friend of mine is pretty unstructured and undisciplined so I was pretty surprised when she was a somewhat strict parent.”
“Loving, yes, setting boundaries, also yes.”
“I mentioned my surprise at a point, and she said, ‘I love my kids so much I want them to meet a world that loves them at least half as much as I do – and the only way to give them that is to raise them well and to have good manners when going out.'”
“‘I couldn’t bear being the one that failed them and have them be seen as brats and a nuisance”.
“It makes SO much sense to me, and her kids are awesome and met with tons of love everywhere because they aren’t selfish brats. THAT’S love!”
“NTA, OP, someone needs to speak up for that kid.” ~ Thedonkeyforcer
Our Community.
“My sister is this way. She had a really hard time carrying to term, but with a lot of very painful IVF, she was able to get a child here.”
“I love my nephew, but he’s a brat for the same reason OP’s nephew is.”
“There’s zero discipline at home.”
“The kid gets whatever he wants and does whatever he wants. He’s destroyed their home.”
“The carpet is ruined in every room.”
“The kid painted all over the walls. My sister barely has any furniture, as the kid kept jumping off things, and rather than simply putting the kid in time out or taking away privileges, his parents just removed the furniture.”
“The kid once decided he didn’t want the milk he’d just asked for, and when I wouldn’t give him soda instead, he dumped the milk on the sofa.”
“His parents yelled at him but did absolutely nothing about it and cleaned it up themselves. The kid knows there aren’t any consequences.”
“The worst part about all of this is that it’s clearly not the kid’s fault.”
“When he’s with me, he doesn’t act like this, because he knows I won’t put up with it.”
“I have never even raised my voice to this child, but he knows the toys get put away, or he goes in time out if he misbehaves.”
“He hardly ever causes problems anymore, and frankly, the kid adores me. A lot of this is probably just because I interact with him when his parents hardly ever do, but kids like boundaries.”
“It makes them feel secure.”
“It’s…just not that hard.” ~ StatementPast
“My son was nervous about new situations, so before any birthday party or event, I would sit down with him and go over what was going to happen and who was going to be there, etc.”
“All your sister needed to do was sit him down and have a firm talk to him about the fact it was his cousin’s birthday and that she would have cake and be given birthday presents etc. and that he was guest and if he misbehaved he would go straight home.”
“Yep not that hard.”
“Does she want him to grow up and be a good dad and husband one day? Because that starts with teaching them, it’s not all about them!!”~ Ok_Fudge9204
The idea that someone can live in a consequence-free environment and then easily adjust to a consequence-rich environment is the worst kind of dishonesty.