It’s very easy for one parent to judge another.
As some parents truly can’t believe that other parents let their children eat certain foods, watch certain movies, or wear certain clothes.
However, as long as their child is safe, happy, and loved, then it’s truly no concern of others how a parent might choose to raise their child.
Even so, some parents have a difficult, if not impossible, time keeping their parenting opinions to themselves.
Redditor LifeWasAWilloww was a bit surprised by a gift her daughter received from the mother of her close friend.
Even more surprising, however, was when the original poster (OP) learned that this gift was an underhanded comment on her parenting.
Shocked and offended by this fellow mother’s actions, the OP felt she had no other choice but to forbid her daughter from visiting this friend’s house again.
Fearing she may have gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow. Redditors:
“AITA for making my daughter take a break from going to her best friend’s house because the mom purposely bought her a smaller size dress?”
The OP explained why she didn’t feel comfortable allowing her daughter to visit her friend’s house anymore:
“About two weeks ago my 14 year old daughter Bonnie was out shopping with her best friend Gigi and Gigi’s mom Lauren.”
“While they were out, Lauren bought them both dresses she thought were cute.”
“Except she bought Bonnie a size 3.”
“Bonnie said she picked out one that was her size, but Lauren put it back and said that the size 3 one would be her ‘aspirational’ dress to work towards fitting into.”
“When she came home, she gave it to me and was upset but also didn’t want to say anything bad about Gigi’s mom, which I get.”
“First off, Bonnie is a HEALTHY girl.”
“Gymnastics until she was about 11 (and grew several inches), dance in the fall and track in the spring, all her choices.”
“So she’s got an athletic build. Gigi is a small girl, barely 5 feet, and so I thought at first she got them mixed up.”
“She told me that Gigi’s mom got it for her to aspire to try to get into by ‘working hard’.”
“I said I’d take care of it and get her the right size.”
“The next day, I called Gigi’s mom Lauren and asked her why she would do that.”
“She explained that she thought it would give Bonnie something to work towards, because she heard Bonnie saying she didn’t get asked out last year but Gigi had several boys after her and that it seemed like it upset her.”
“I told her it was inappropriate and asked her why she would tell a kid she needed to lose weight in order to get attention from boys?”
“She got defensive and said that it was obviously embarrassing for Bonnie to not have boys into her when all her friends do.”
“She basically said I’m holding Bonnie back from growing up—like I won’t help her with boys, won’t drop hundreds at Sephora, still dress her like a kid, and buy B&BW sprays instead of fancy perfumes.”
“She said it’s messing with Bonnie socially and that she’s the only one in her friend group who hasn’t had a boyfriend.”
“Then she got personal and said just because I’ve ‘given up’ and stopped trying doesn’t mean I have to turn Bonnie into a nun.”
“FOR THE RECORD, this is partially true.”
“But it’s also because Bonnie doesn’t WANT that stuff.”
“I have offered to get her more than Cetaphil skincare and she doesn’t want it.”
“She got straight As last year and I took her to Ulta for a ‘spree’ and all she wanted was some lip gloss and then ASKED for the body spray instead.”
“I said that it’s time for a break.”
“The girls can still hang out, but I don’t want Bonnie at Gigi’s house.”
“Bonnie got upset over it and I can deal with that.”
“Gigi’s mom however has gone NUCLEAR over it, spreading poison everywhere she can about me being ‘psycho’ and doubling down on how it’s all because I don’t want my daughter to be happy with a boyfriend when I’m single and ‘no man would touch me’.”
“Which is just… childish.”
“And I’ve been shocked to see how other people have reacted to this, so now I’m questioning my own parenting which I NEVER do.”
“AITA!?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in. this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly supported the OP, and agreed she was not the a**hole for refusing to let Bonnie pay any further visits to Gigi and Lauren’s house
Everyone agreed that the OP was only protecting her daughter from Lauren’s manipulative and irresponsible behavior, with others expressing grave concern for Gigi’s safety and well-being:
“NTA.”
“‘I told her it was inappropriate and asked her why she would tell a kid she needed to lose weight in order to get attention from boys?'”
“Exactly that.”
“Egregious behavior.”
“She shouldn’t be saying anything about your daughter’s weight or appearance.”
“‘Gigi’s mom however has gone NUCLEAR over it, spreading poison everywhere she can about me being psycho” and doubling down on how it’s all because I don’t want my daughter to be happy with a boyfriend when I’m single and “no man would touch me’.”
“Please do not allow someone as toxic & vicious as this to cause you to doubt your parenting or yourself.”
“It’s reasonable to let the girls hang out and equally so not to have your daughter go to this woman’s house.”
“No way should that happen.”- Apart-Ad-6518
“NTA.”
“Gigi’s mom is toxic.”
“This is not someone you want your daughter exposed to or associating with.”
“She’s 14, she is still a kid.”
“It is not ‘messing with her socially’ to treat her in an age-appropriate way.”
“Gigi’s Mom’s implication that your daughter needs to lose weight is also beyond unacceptable.”
“Her own kid is probably on her way to an eating disorder, you don’t want your daughter in that boat.”- CuriousEmphasis7698
“NTA.”
“That was wildly inappropriate to get the wrong-sized dress and basically imply there was something wrong with Bonnie’s body size.”
“Poor Gigi.”
“If Bonnie only had to deal with this one day, I can only imagine what Gigi has to go through!”
“I hope Bonnie is doing ok!”- Malibu_Cola
“NTA, but Gigi’s mom is.”
“She should NEVER comment on a young girls body like that.”
“First off, it’s none of her business.”
“Your daughter is 14. She doesn’t need to be worried about boys right now.”
“She’s a KID.”
“There’s no rush for her to grow up.”
“You did the right thing by keeping her away from Gigi’s mom.”- Easton_HJE
“NTA.”
“Good f*cking lord it is absolutely wild to me that an adult woman would teach a 14 year old girl that she has to sculpt her body for male attention.”
“Absolutely apesh*t, it’s the 2020s not the 1920s.”
“And I mean sh*t, even if it was the 1920’s she’s fourteen.”- CapoExplains
“NTA.”
“That woman can give your daughter a life-long complex about her body and its shape.”
‘When my 41-year-old daughter was 8, her best friend’s mother told her that ‘no boy wants to be with a girl who looks like you’.”
“‘You should lose some weight and wear fancier clothes’.”
“Her best friend was super-skinny, and my daughter wasn’t.”
“We were living on a single income, and money was tight.”
“My kids never wore designer or expensive clothing.”
“So, my daughter started dieting – in secret.”
“She discovered bulimia, all by herself, and would throw up at night so I wouldn’t hear it.”
“Even now, she’s always super-worried about her body shape and size, and still struggles with bulimia.”
“Her friend also wore make-up (her mother taught her how to put it on) at EIGHT, and my daughter was furious with me when I told her that she could wear lip gloss, but that was it.”
“One friend. One adult who saw her regularly.”
“ONE comment at age 8, and a life-long issue with her body.”
“Don’t downplay this, Mom.”
“Talk to her about society’s pressure to conform, and encourage her to do what makes HER happy, not some future boyfriend.”- STEM_Educator
“NTA.”
“Lauren seems like she was a bully to other girls in high school.”
“And now she forces these things on her daughter (and yours) because she knows she would have bullied them for those types of things back when she was a teen.”
“Her reaction alone proves that you were right to stop letting Bonnie go over there in the first place.”
“The appropriate response from a mature adult would have been ‘I’m sorry for overstepping, I respect that this is how you want to raise/teach your daughter and I won’t interfere with that’.”- anbaric26
If there’s one thing that Lauren clearly couldn’t be more wrong about, it’s that Bonnie’s happiness is. clearly the OP’s priority.
What’s quite disturbing is that Lauren seems to measure a woman’s happiness by how men perceive her. A very worrisome opinion to carry, in this age especially.
While all children must grow up eventually, they have every right to enjoy their childhood as long as they want to. Something Gigi looks like she will be sadly and unfairly deprived of.