“Honesty is the best policy,” as the saying goes.
Honesty doesn’t always get the best reaction, though.
Even if people need to be faced with the truth from time to time, more often than not, there is little more upsetting than the truth.
A coworker of Redditor Unique-Macaroon4749 recently announced that he and his wife were getting divorced.
While the original poster (OP) was sympathetic to what the OP was going through, she admitted that she wasn’t surprised.
As the OP had confronted the OP about the reasons his wife left him years earlier.
A reminder that the OP did not appreciate one bit.
Having some doubts about how she handled things, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my coworker I’m not surprised his wife divorced him?”
The OP explained why her honest opinion did not sit well with one of her coworkers:
“I (20 F[emale]) was recently told by my coworker (40 M[ale]) that he and his wife (37 F[emale]) were getting divorced.”
“For context, they had just gotten married last year after dating his wife for 10 years.”
“I’ve worked at this job since I was 16, and this coworker has become my closest work friend, so I was the first to know of the engagement and now of the divorce.”
“We bonded over our shared love of video games (this is relevant, I swear).”
“We both played a lot of games and would talk about the ones we love the most.”
“In the time I’ve known him, he’s loved Final Fantasy 14, which is an online game you play with other people.”
“He talked about this game and the people he would hang out with in the game constantly, talking about the hours he spends playing it every day.”
“Shortly after he and his wife had gotten married, he started complaining about her and her neediness.”
“When I asked about it he would say she wanted him to spend time with her instead of playing video games.”
“I had told him at the time that he should be making time for his wife, but he ignored me.”
“Over the next year, he was constantly complaining about her and her ‘neediness’, and I would suggest taking some time off from his game to hang out with her, but my idea was always shut down.”
“Eventually, I got fed up with him and asked him to stop bringing it up with me, and he did for about 2 months.”
“That’s when he told me about her asking for a divorce.”
“I casually mentioned that I wasn’t surprised that she was divorcing him, seeing as he loved Final Fantasy more than her.”
“I didn’t really think before I spoke and just said what I had been thinking every time he brought up his relationship problems.”
“He was shocked at my response and seemed taken aback.”
“I continued saying all you ever talk about are video games, and everything you ever told me about your wife was negative.”
“He got very upset with me and complained about it to our other coworkers and our boss.”
“We work in a kitchen with only about 10 staff members, so it wasn’t too long before everybody knew about what I said.”
“Our boss stayed out of it, not seeing my comment as bad enough to warrant any kind of action.”
“Some of my coworkers around my age who also frequently talked with this coworker took my side while the older ones took his.”
“It has divided the kitchen staff and has made it uncomfortable to work with some of my coworkers who think I’m in the wrong.”
“So, AITAH for saying I wasn’t surprised about my coworkers divorce?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for telling their coworker she wasn’t surprised by his divorce:
Everyone agreed that as the OP’s wife made the reason why she finally left him crystal clear throughout their entire marriage, the OP’s declaration shouldn’t have come as a surprise either:
“NTA.”
“You nailed it.”
“The only mystery is why, after 10 years of dating, she didn’t realize his first love was FFXIV.”
“Isn’t the point of dating to learn things like that?”- ReadMeDrMemory
“NTA.”
“If you don’t want to hear your solicited opinions, don’t keep telling ppl your life story unsolicited.”-exaltedfemshep
“NTA.”
“Why is a 40-year-old dropping all his relationship drama on a 20-year-old?”
“Was he hoping to get with you if he complained enough?”
“And he’s been your closest friend at work since you were 16?”
“That’s just all kinds of ick.”
“He is 40 years old and acting like a petulant child and going to tell on you because he didn’t like what you said.”
“I’d limit all my interactions with him because he doesn’t take your advice and then narcs on you.”
“You told the truth – he was a shitty husband, and his wife left because she deserves better than someone who doesn’t meet her needs and complains about her.”
“Sounds like they dated for 10 years and she hoped marriage would cure him and make him a decent partner, and it didn’t.”
“OMG, how is this man 40 years old?”- Tofulish8889
“NTA.”
“He wants to drop his complaints on you, then thank you from all of us for telling Captain Clueless the obvious before he divorces and dates some other poor woman and whines again.”-julesk
“NTA.”
“He’s got a lot of growing up to do for a 40 y/o.”
“I agree with you, his wife was right to divorce him.”- whittydee
“NTA.”
“It was inappropriate of him to tell you about his marital problems in the first place.”
“He’s old enough to be your dad; he shouldn’t have been befriending a minor.”
“Buddy is terminally immature at best.”
“If you hadn’t been so blunt with him, I’d bet money on him trying to pursue you next because ‘you just understand him’.”- spaghettifiasco
“NTA.”
“This person is your closest work friend.”
“You showed him a mirror he didn’t like.”
“If he didn’t want your opinion, he should have kept to himself.”
“Your opinion could even help him introspect and change course with his wife, who knows him from 10yrs.”- LegInternal3417
“NTA!”
“The fact he can’t take any feedback is also a reason why he is probably getting divorced.”-Ruebee90
“NTA.”
“Clearly he needed to hear it!”- Runnrgirl
“Just because it hurts his feelings doesn’t make it untrue.”
“Truth hurts.”
“You didn’t say it with the intention to hurt him, I hope, maybe just explaining?”
“Maybe apologize for the bluntness of it, but truth is what it is.”
“If he didn’t want his relationship business out there, he should’ve stopped bringing it up.”
“To be fair, you already asked him to stop talking about it.”
“NTA.”- Professional-Tie3968
“NTA.”
“In the long run, you may have been the only person to be blunt enough to give him the cold, hard truth since he was so very clueless.”
“But there is a lesson for you here also in how close you can get to people at work and how it can affect your work life.”- BlewJeanBaby
“NTA.”
“From his reaction, he clearly just wanted a pity party and a fake reaction to why he’s getting a divorce.”
“You have warned him before, even given him sound advice.”
“It is a little weird that you are his closest friend.”
“The age difference is pretty significant, and you are/should be at different stages of life.”
“Be careful around this guy.”- Time-Outcome8599
“NTA, the thing is that this guy had probably heard from all his online friends how horrible she is, and that it’s her fault, etc, and so I think he needed someone in his life to lay out exactly what he did to cause this.”
“He might not learn from it still, but we can hope that he will at least.”- According_Ad6364
“NTA.”
“Real friends will tell you when you’re in the wrong.”- RandomNameRandomly
“NTA.”
“I had some friends who played FFXIV like a job during lockdown, and they really did ignore EVERYTHING else, and it sucked for everyone around them.”
“Sure, what you said wasn’t, like, kind or whatever but it wasn’t incorrect either.”- NightOwlEye
“NTA.”
“But the only reason I’m ruling that and not ESH is because that’s some sh*t I would say.”
“Probably not a good idea to say I told you so, but man sometimes people need to hear it.”- No-Bobcat9004
“NTA.”
“He was probably only offended because he knew that you were right.”- Own-Comparison-5856
It couldn’t have been easy for the OP’s colleague to hear that his love of video games cost him his marriage.
What’s more upsetting, however, is that he could have possibly been surprised by this, as his wife gave him fair warning that this was a possibility.
Hopefully a reality check for all of these coworkers’ future relationships…
but more likely leading to many solo nights alone playing Final Fantasy IV.