Losing a child is heartbreaking.
No parent is ever really the same again.
Little reminders are constantly popping up.
And the memories that people have are haunted by the ones that will never be made.
It can be even more painful when those who claim to be there to offer support prove to be less than supportive.
Redditor mrsdevilwoman wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for being pissed at my friend for taking my dead baby's name?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"In 2024, my husband and I were expecting our first baby."
"I was 5 months pregnant when I had a placental abruption, and my baby passed away after I had an emergency C-section."
"I was devastated and depressed."
"I'm still grieving and have a hard time being around babies and attending baby showers."
"After being 2 months postpartum, my husband's cousin's G[irl]F[riend] asked me if we could talk because she went through a miscarriage at 5 or 6 weeks, and she wanted someone to talk to about her grief."
"I was not in any shape or form to discuss the topic of pregnancy."
"I did tell her I am not the right person to be asking because I am not in the best shape to talk about it."
"She begged me because she needed mental help."
"So I consoled her."
"But in my head, I'm angry because she was practically comparing how we both had 'similar' experiences."
"She was well aware of what we named our daughter, by the way."
"We had chosen the name after my husband and me."
"It was a combo of our own names."
"It was perfect."
"She and I made Day of the Dead alters for our babies last year, bonded, and got closer eventually."
"In January 2025, she tells me she's pregnant and can't wait."
"Mind you, I'm still grieving, but I'm happy for her."
"She finds out she's having a baby girl."
"This August 2025, she told that she's having medical complications and will have to deliver sooner than expected."
"Her S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] and I are planning a surprise brunch for her."
"We also planned to set up a baby corner and clean her house."
"I went over one day to take her fresh juice and this beautiful arrangement of flowers I had ordered for her. "
"She goes into labor 2 days after I saw her."
"I go to the hospital, but I don't go into the room because I'm still GRIEVING, but I want her to know I'm there for her."
"2 weeks pass, my husband and I go to our friend's house to see the new baby."
"We take her homemade food, and I had ordered a bunch of things for her and her baby on Amazon that were going to come afterwards because she couldn't have a baby shower."
"So, we are sitting there talking, and I ASK HER, 'What did you name her?'"
"She says 'Isabella Guadalupe Socorro,' the great nanas' names."
"She laughs, and her B[aby] D[addy] does too, and he keeps saying 'Yeah, that's her name.'"
"3 weeks later I'm doing her M[other]-I[n]-L[aw]'s hair and I ask her about the baby and I said it's nice they named her 'Isabella Guadalupe Socorro.'"
"She LAUGHED and said 'NO, they didn't name her that. They named her Amelia, or Emilia?'"
"That is the name of MY BABY."
"I'm pissed."
"I went to her house the next day and asked her why she chose that name, and she said, 'I FORGOT!'"
"WHAT?!"
"I have the name tattooed on my arm, I have her on my IG bio."
"WE BONDED LAST YEAR."
"She said, I don't know who told you the name."
"I told only 5 people, and it was supposed to be a secret."
"You weren't supposed to know."
"OH, thank you for sparing my emotions!"
"But f**k you."
"There's NO WAY she would've forgotten because if she had, she wouldn't have tried so hard to keep it a secret from me."
"I think I'm right for being pissed."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So, am I the a**hole for being angry at her for using the name?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"You need to exorcise this woman from your life like the soul sucking demon she is. NTA." ~sissyjones
"Yeah, it's demonic."
"I normally am on the side of no one owns a baby name, but Jesus, this is heartless."
"If I spent all that time sharing and grieving with someone over such a profound loss, it wouldn't matter how much I liked the name. It would be off f**king limits."
"And the lying about it is just salt in the wound." ~ REDDIT
"It's the lying that got me, that and the' you weren't supposed to find out.'"
"She's a child, not a baby doll you can hide in the closet when op visits to 'spare feelings' and 'perpetuate the lie.'"
"What was the plan when her daughter was old enough to talk?"
"'That's auntie OP, she's going to call you ****, smile and respond anyway?'"
"What nonsense." ~ Historical_Castle709
"But just before she does that, OP should laugh and tell them how much she's looking forward to telling baby where her name came from and how it must be bad karma to be given a name stolen from a beloved child who died."
"Then, OP should never associate with this couple again."
"Hopefully, they'll be worried for the rest of their lives that maybe she's as petty and nasty as they are." ~ Relatents
"NTA. Nine times out of ten, I would've told you, 'you don't own a name.'"
"You're the one out of ten."
"Your friend knows what she did, and she deserves your anger." ~ DinoSnuggler
"NTA. The fact that she and her partner laughed about it when telling you a fake name is just horrible."
"They couldn't even own up to it to your face because they knew it was weird."
"No one actually owns the name itself, but the whole way this went down is so insensitive."
"F**k them honestly." ~ REDDIT
"100% agree."
"How tf she thought she'd keep it a secret when you were literally friends is beyond me."
"So sad her innocent daughter was born to such an insensitive couple."
"Drop this couple yesterday, you will never need people like this in your life, ever." ~ Mean-Duck-low-crowe
"Eww, WTF, nothing else matters other than the fact they gave you a fake name and laughed about it??"
"That is beyond f**king insanity."
"Never talk to her again."
"It's one thing to use the name, but an entirely different emotional f*ck up to give you a fake name."
"That gives me the creeps."
"I am so sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry you had to deal with this extra trauma." ~ AnastatiaMcGill
"'That is beyond fucking insanity.'"
"Seriously, what was the endgame?"
"How was this supposed to be a tenable lie?"
"Did they seriously think they could just completely hide the kid's real name from one person, forever?"
"Like, all I can think is that they were going to tell her later, months from now, when 'she got over it,' and thought that would be okay for some reason."
"It seems like 'Friend' was able to move on more from her loss after she was blessed with another child and expects that OP will do the same, not realizing that their wounds have healed differently." ~ MarstonsGhost
"She's not your friend."
"NEVER go to a person to console them when you yourself are grieving."
"Her grief is not more important than yours."
"I have a 'friend' like that, where all things related to her are more important than anything happening in anyone else's life."
"Don't give in anymore, never."
"Don't be a doormat anymore."
"You're grieving, you don't want to be around babies, then don't be."
"'But she'll be sad I'm not there,' her problem. F**k it. NTA." ~ marunkaya
"NTA. While you don't own the name, if she didn't think it was a big deal, they wouldn't have lied to you about the name." ~ Soft_Remote_1511
"For once on this topic, you have every right to be angry."
"They were shady and cruel. NTA." ~ Eternalthursday1976
"It is, at best, extremely weird given the circumstances."
"The fact that she hid it from you proves she knows it is weird."
"And the fact that she forced herself upon you during your time of grief is weird."
"NTA, please PLEASE stay away from these people." ~ w_wh_mWGAT
"Normally, I'd say no one owns a name, but your cousin did you dirty."
"She manipulated her grief to make it about herself and then lied to you about giving her daughter that name."
"NTA at all." ~ writierthanyou
"There are a million names, and she HAD to choose that one?"
"Strong NTA."
"Your cousin is weird, ASF." ~ obsessedsim1
"Agreed. And it's her husband's cousin's GIRLFRIEND, so nobody is even related to this She-devil."
"I'd cut her out of both you and your husband's lives for good."
"If your husband is close to his cousin, then I'd have him rethink the relationship because the cousin was in on lying about the name to you."
"They both laughed when they lied, so they both knew exactly what they were doing." ~ alimweber
"This woman was never your friend."
"She is an emotional vampire, just cut her out of your life."
"She guilt-tripped and manipulated you into comforting her 2 months after you lost your baby, and then tried to turn it into a competition."
"Now she created this f**ked up situation where she can once again feed off of your hurt feelings and all the drama."
"She did not forget."
"This was intentional, and she is really disturbed."
"Stay far away from her." ~ Liverne_and_Shirley
"NTA at all."
"She didn't forget.'"
"If she forgot, truly, then she wouldn't have given you a fake name and laughed along with her husband."
"You have every right to be hurt."
"I would dump this friend." ~ AprilTheAce
"NTA. This girl is NOT your friend, and she has proven that."
"Time to cut her out, honestly." ~ Sdarklight
This is so heartbreaking, OP.
Reddit is 100% with you.
This person is no friend of yours.
So sorry for your loss.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.