Losing a child is heartbreaking.
No parent is ever really the same again.
Little reminders are constantly popping up.
And the memories that people have are haunted by the ones that will never be made.
It can be even more painful when those who claim to be there to offer support prove to be less than supportive.
Redditor mrsdevilwoman wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for being pissed at my friend for taking my dead baby’s name?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“In 2024, my husband and I were expecting our first baby.”
“I was 5 months pregnant when I had a placental abruption, and my baby passed away after I had an emergency C-section.”
“I was devastated and depressed.”
“I’m still grieving and have a hard time being around babies and attending baby showers.”
“After being 2 months postpartum, my husband’s cousin’s G[irl]F[riend] asked me if we could talk because she went through a miscarriage at 5 or 6 weeks, and she wanted someone to talk to about her grief.”
“I was not in any shape or form to discuss the topic of pregnancy.”
“I did tell her I am not the right person to be asking because I am not in the best shape to talk about it.”
“She begged me because she needed mental help.”
“So I consoled her.”
“But in my head, I’m angry because she was practically comparing how we both had ‘similar’ experiences.”
“She was well aware of what we named our daughter, by the way.”
“We had chosen the name after my husband and me.”
“It was a combo of our own names.”
“It was perfect.”
“She and I made Day of the Dead alters for our babies last year, bonded, and got closer eventually.”
“In January 2025, she tells me she’s pregnant and can’t wait.”
“Mind you, I’m still grieving, but I’m happy for her.”
“She finds out she’s having a baby girl.”
“This August 2025, she told that she’s having medical complications and will have to deliver sooner than expected.”
“Her S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] and I are planning a surprise brunch for her.”
“We also planned to set up a baby corner and clean her house.”
“I went over one day to take her fresh juice and this beautiful arrangement of flowers I had ordered for her. “
“She goes into labor 2 days after I saw her.”
“I go to the hospital, but I don’t go into the room because I’m still GRIEVING, but I want her to know I’m there for her.”
“2 weeks pass, my husband and I go to our friend’s house to see the new baby.”
“We take her homemade food, and I had ordered a bunch of things for her and her baby on Amazon that were going to come afterwards because she couldn’t have a baby shower.”
“So, we are sitting there talking, and I ASK HER, ‘What did you name her?'”
“She says ‘Isabella Guadalupe Socorro,’ the great nanas’ names.”
“She laughs, and her B[aby] D[addy] does too, and he keeps saying ‘Yeah, that’s her name.'”
“3 weeks later I’m doing her M[other]-I[n]-L[aw]’s hair and I ask her about the baby and I said it’s nice they named her ‘Isabella Guadalupe Socorro.'”
“She LAUGHED and said ‘NO, they didn’t name her that. They named her Amelia, or Emilia?'”
“That is the name of MY BABY.”
“I’m pissed.”
“I went to her house the next day and asked her why she chose that name, and she said, ‘I FORGOT!'”
“WHAT?!”
“I have the name tattooed on my arm, I have her on my IG bio.”
“WE BONDED LAST YEAR.”
“She said, I don’t know who told you the name.”
“I told only 5 people, and it was supposed to be a secret.”
“You weren’t supposed to know.”
“OH, thank you for sparing my emotions!”
“But f**k you.”
“There’s NO WAY she would’ve forgotten because if she had, she wouldn’t have tried so hard to keep it a secret from me.”
“I think I’m right for being pissed.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, am I the a**hole for being angry at her for using the name?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“You need to exorcise this woman from your life like the soul sucking demon she is. NTA.” ~sissyjones
“Yeah, it’s demonic.”
“I normally am on the side of no one owns a baby name, but Jesus, this is heartless.”
“If I spent all that time sharing and grieving with someone over such a profound loss, it wouldn’t matter how much I liked the name. It would be off f**king limits.”
“And the lying about it is just salt in the wound.” ~ REDDIT
“It’s the lying that got me, that and the’ you weren’t supposed to find out.'”
“She’s a child, not a baby doll you can hide in the closet when op visits to ‘spare feelings’ and ‘perpetuate the lie.'”
“What was the plan when her daughter was old enough to talk?”
“‘That’s auntie OP, she’s going to call you ****, smile and respond anyway?'”
“What nonsense.” ~ Historical_Castle709
“But just before she does that, OP should laugh and tell them how much she’s looking forward to telling baby where her name came from and how it must be bad karma to be given a name stolen from a beloved child who died.”
“Then, OP should never associate with this couple again.”
“Hopefully, they’ll be worried for the rest of their lives that maybe she’s as petty and nasty as they are.” ~ Relatents
“NTA. Nine times out of ten, I would’ve told you, ‘you don’t own a name.'”
“You’re the one out of ten.”
“Your friend knows what she did, and she deserves your anger.” ~ DinoSnuggler
“NTA. The fact that she and her partner laughed about it when telling you a fake name is just horrible.”
“They couldn’t even own up to it to your face because they knew it was weird.”
“No one actually owns the name itself, but the whole way this went down is so insensitive.”
“F**k them honestly.” ~ REDDIT
“100% agree.”
“How tf she thought she’d keep it a secret when you were literally friends is beyond me.”
“So sad her innocent daughter was born to such an insensitive couple.”
“Drop this couple yesterday, you will never need people like this in your life, ever.” ~ Mean-Duck-low-crowe
“Eww, WTF, nothing else matters other than the fact they gave you a fake name and laughed about it??”
“That is beyond f**king insanity.”
“Never talk to her again.”
“It’s one thing to use the name, but an entirely different emotional f*ck up to give you a fake name.”
“That gives me the creeps.”
“I am so sorry for your loss, and I’m sorry you had to deal with this extra trauma.” ~ AnastatiaMcGill
“‘That is beyond fucking insanity.'”
“Seriously, what was the endgame?”
“How was this supposed to be a tenable lie?”
“Did they seriously think they could just completely hide the kid’s real name from one person, forever?”
“Like, all I can think is that they were going to tell her later, months from now, when ‘she got over it,’ and thought that would be okay for some reason.”
“It seems like ‘Friend’ was able to move on more from her loss after she was blessed with another child and expects that OP will do the same, not realizing that their wounds have healed differently.” ~ MarstonsGhost
“She’s not your friend.”
“NEVER go to a person to console them when you yourself are grieving.”
“Her grief is not more important than yours.”
“I have a ‘friend’ like that, where all things related to her are more important than anything happening in anyone else’s life.”
“Don’t give in anymore, never.”
“Don’t be a doormat anymore.”
“You’re grieving, you don’t want to be around babies, then don’t be.”
“‘But she’ll be sad I’m not there,’ her problem. F**k it. NTA.” ~ marunkaya
“NTA. While you don’t own the name, if she didn’t think it was a big deal, they wouldn’t have lied to you about the name.” ~ Soft_Remote_1511
“For once on this topic, you have every right to be angry.”
“They were shady and cruel. NTA.” ~ Eternalthursday1976
“It is, at best, extremely weird given the circumstances.”
“The fact that she hid it from you proves she knows it is weird.”
“And the fact that she forced herself upon you during your time of grief is weird.”
“NTA, please PLEASE stay away from these people.” ~ w_wh_mWGAT
“Normally, I’d say no one owns a name, but your cousin did you dirty.”
“She manipulated her grief to make it about herself and then lied to you about giving her daughter that name.”
“NTA at all.” ~ writierthanyou
“There are a million names, and she HAD to choose that one?”
“Strong NTA.”
“Your cousin is weird, ASF.” ~ obsessedsim1
“Agreed. And it’s her husband’s cousin’s GIRLFRIEND, so nobody is even related to this She-devil.”
“I’d cut her out of both you and your husband’s lives for good.”
“If your husband is close to his cousin, then I’d have him rethink the relationship because the cousin was in on lying about the name to you.”
“They both laughed when they lied, so they both knew exactly what they were doing.” ~ alimweber
“This woman was never your friend.”
“She is an emotional vampire, just cut her out of your life.”
“She guilt-tripped and manipulated you into comforting her 2 months after you lost your baby, and then tried to turn it into a competition.”
“Now she created this f**ked up situation where she can once again feed off of your hurt feelings and all the drama.”
“She did not forget.”
“This was intentional, and she is really disturbed.”
“Stay far away from her.” ~ Liverne_and_Shirley
“NTA at all.”
“She didn’t forget.'”
“If she forgot, truly, then she wouldn’t have given you a fake name and laughed along with her husband.”
“You have every right to be hurt.”
“I would dump this friend.” ~ AprilTheAce
“NTA. This girl is NOT your friend, and she has proven that.”
“Time to cut her out, honestly.” ~ Sdarklight
This is so heartbreaking, OP.
Reddit is 100% with you.
This person is no friend of yours.
So sorry for your loss.