It's hard to upstage a bride at her own wedding.
As chances are, no one will have a more striking dress, nor will anyone likely be giving much thought to anyone else that day, with the slight exception of the groom.
Unfortunately, that doesn't stop some thoughtless people from making an effort to upstage the bride.
Nor does it mean that the bride won't feel like she is being upstaged, even when that truly isn't the case.
Redditor whatawitchx recently attended the wedding of a good friend of hers.
Upon arrival the original poster (OP) was struck by the fact that the bride and bridesmaids all wore a similar hairstyle to the one she had chosen for herself.
Unfortunately, the bride was struck by this coincidence, and made no effort to hide her displeasure regarding this discovery.
Wondering if she had done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I the A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for wearing a 70's bump to my friends wedding?"
The OP explained how her going to a friend's wedding turned into a bad hair day for everyone:
"So I went to my friends wedding, not in the wedding party but a guest."
"I was never informed on what her dress looked like or any hair ideas."
"I typically wear my hair in a 60s-70s do whenever I go out or dress nice."
"It's just a thing I've always enjoyed doing."
"My friends know this about me and often send me TikToks of inspiration since I love doing funky things with my hair and makeup. Including this bride."
"Anyway, I show up in my usual do, bump in my hair and a dark green dress to fit in to her fall colors (bridesmaids dresses are like mustard yellow btw so I in no way fit in)."
"I was so excited bc I noticed that the bridesmaids also had bumps in their hair. not the same (my hair was down and theirs were pinned up)."
"The bride though, had her hair down with a bump."
"I am absolutely ecstatic!"
"My friends in the bridal party are also so excited and they mentioned that the bride told everyone to look at my insta for inspiration and Pinterest pictures to give the hairstylist (slay)."
"Anyway, the bride was not happy."
"I mean happy to my face but decided to text me 3 weeks after her wedding to tell me I'm an awful friend for having the 'same hairstyle' as her and that she was worried people thought I was trying to fit in?"
"What."
"The bride and her bridesmaids are all my friends but I was not a bridesmaid because she decided she wanted childhood friends (4) with her and we met in college."
"I never said anything and honestly didn't really care about all that."
"Well, apparently the bride got the bridesmaids to say I'm the bad guy and that I caused her so much stress."
"I told them I was genuinely confused why she was stressed if she used MY pictures as inspiration and yet expected me to not do my hair the way I like to do it?"
"Especially since no one told me lol."
"Anyway, AITA here?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for wearing her usual hairstyle to her friend's wedding.
Everyone agreed that since the bride not only used the OP's social media as inspiration for her and her bridesmaids' hairstyle, but also neglected to tell this to the OP, then she had absolutely nothing to be angry about:
"LOLOL."
"I loved that you were the inspo picture and got mad when you looked like...well....you."
"Amazing and NTA."- LowBalance4404
"NTA."
"She literally used you for inspiration and then got mad when y'all had the same hairstyle?"
"That's wild, and she's being irrational."- mtn-cat
"NTA."
"She used you for inspiration, then got upset that you looked like you always do."-Automatic_Serve7901
"NTA - this says it all."
"'I told them I was genuinely confused why she was stressed if she used MY pictures as inspiration and yet expected me to not do my hair the way I like to do it?'"
"She literally thought that because it was her day, that she owned your look."
"LMFAO!"
"Now that's some next level Bride-monster-from-Tokyo sh*t."- slap-a-frap
"NTA."
"If she had reached out and said, 'This is how I'm wearing my hair, I know this is in your wheelhouse, so would you mind doing something different so I can feel unique?'"
"You would have said sure, no problem!"
"But you're not psychic!"
"The bride is being ridiculous."-__The_Kraken__
"NTA of course."
"What did the bride say when you explained all of this?"
"How were you to possibly have known the direction SHE gave her bridesmaids, and she should have had a clue you would wear your hair this way, given you kind of always do?"
"I'm just wondering how she is backing up her anger at you with anything that makes actual sense."
"I'd love for her to point out what, exactly, you did wrong?"- LiveKindly01
"NTA."
"You wore your usual. I had curls in my hair for my wedding, I wasn't gonna feel threatened by everyone at the party with curls."- ZelaAmaryills
"NTA."
"Your friend is too immature to be married, hope it works out somehow."- CellistOk5452
"NTA."
"She knows how you like to do your hair, and even used your pictures as inspiration for her own wedding party's hairstyle."- Knightseason
"NTA."
"Why do so many people have such sh*tty friends that invite them to weddings?"- laztheinfamous
"NTA."
"Long story, but at a long-time friend's wedding, I wore a neutral with a pop of the wedding color in my shoes, because I also like to 'go' without spot-on matching."
"And I matched the bridesmaids exactly."
"They started down the aisle, and I was horrified!"
"We all had a good laugh, and the bride pulled me onto the dance floor for the wedding party dance."
"We still laugh about it to this day!"
"Sorry your friend isn't as lighthearted about it, but maybe she'll come around?"- theimperfexionist
"NTA, how were you supposed to know what hairstyle they were going to have?"
"And even if you did know, it sounds like it's your style, so not copying them."- redditstorylady
"NTA."
"Don't look to your pics as inspiration and be surprised you have the same style."- Lynnettey
"She based the hairstyles off your Insta and is mad you showed up looking like yourself?"
"Is she on drugs?"
"NTA."- mytoesarechilly
"NTA."
"And honestly, it feels like she was manufacturing a reason to be mad at you/get others mad at you."- lumoslomas
"NTA."
"Especially since she used your Insta and Pinterest for Inspiration!"- QL58
"NTA, but can you explain this bump?"- johjo_has_opinions
"NTA."
"It's hilarious, honestly."
"'I used you as inspiration. But how dare you dress like you normally do, which was how I was able to use you for inspiration?'"
"Also, are you a world-renowned psychic with a name like Xavier or Grey?"
"Because if you're not, how were you to know what her hairstyle would be?"
"I'm also not a renowned psychic, but I'm willing to be that what the bridesmaids said was 'uh huh, sure, lots of stress' to shut her up before walking away, rolling their eyes."- axw3555
"I have a big beard and moustache."
"Imagine if my friend got married, told all his groomsmen to check out my pictures because he wanted their beards and mustaches styled like mine and then got mad at me when I showed up with my usual beard and mustache."
"NTA."-Agent9262
"This gaslight would've worked on me."
"NTA."- pottersquash
"It's crazy that people this immature are allowed to get married."
"NTA."- Lucky_Volume3819
"The bride sounds horrible."
"Having three daughters, I am concerned with the ridiculous expectations of brides on bridesmaids and now even attendees that are being posted on here."
"If any of them acted even remotely this immature and like a child, I would pull the $$ plug and tell them to grow up."
"You are obviously NTA, but the bride is a massive one."- Classic_Might_5948
"NTA."
"Wedding culture is wildly out of control."- kimness1982
"NTA."
"It's how you wear your hair."
"And if the is worried her guests are dumb enough to think you were the bride or bridesmaid, she has big problems with the people she invited."- EfficiencyForsaken96
"Is there something else going on here where she's just using this pettiness to start a fight?"
"She's asking you to not be you AND to have a crystal ball that tells you that."
"NTA."- Pleasant_desert
No bride deserves to have attention taken away from them.
Even so, this particular bride could have avoided this had she given the OP advance notice.
Then too, the fact that this bride couldn't enjoy what should be one of the happiest days of her life over a similar hairstyle makes it seem like she needs to sort out her priorities...
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.