It's hard to upstage a bride at her own wedding.
As chances are, no one will have a more striking dress, nor will anyone likely be giving much thought to anyone else that day, with the slight exception of the groom.
Unfortunately, that doesn't stop some thoughtless people from making an effort to upstage the bride.
Nor does it mean that the bride won't feel like she is being upstaged, even when that truly isn't the case.
Redditor whatawitchx recently attended the wedding of a good friend of hers.
Upon arrival the original poster (OP) was struck by the fact that the bride and bridesmaids all wore a similar hairstyle to the one she had chosen for herself.
Unfortunately, the bride was struck by this coincidence, and made no effort to hide her displeasure regarding this discovery.
Wondering if she had done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I the A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for wearing a 70's bump to my friends wedding?"
The OP explained how her going to a friend's wedding turned into a bad hair day for everyone:
"So I went to my friends wedding, not in the wedding party but a guest."
"I was never informed on what her dress looked like or any hair ideas."
"I typically wear my hair in a 60s-70s do whenever I go out or dress nice."
"It's just a thing I've always enjoyed doing."
"My friends know this about me and often send me TikToks of inspiration since I love doing funky things with my hair and makeup. Including this bride."
"Anyway, I show up in my usual do, bump in my hair and a dark green dress to fit in to her fall colors (bridesmaids dresses are like mustard yellow btw so I in no way fit in)."
"I was so excited bc I noticed that the bridesmaids also had bumps in their hair. not the same (my hair was down and theirs were pinned up)."
"The bride though, had her hair down with a bump."
"I am absolutely ecstatic!"
"My friends in the bridal party are also so excited and they mentioned that the bride told everyone to look at my insta for inspiration and Pinterest pictures to give the hairstylist (slay)."
"Anyway, the bride was not happy."
"I mean happy to my face but decided to text me 3 weeks after her wedding to tell me I'm an awful friend for having the 'same hairstyle' as her and that she was worried people thought I was trying to fit in?"
"What."
"The bride and her bridesmaids are all my friends but I was not a bridesmaid because she decided she wanted childhood friends (4) with her and we met in college."
"I never said anything and honestly didn't really care about all that."
"Well, apparently the bride got the bridesmaids to say I'm the bad guy and that I caused her so much stress."
"I told them I was genuinely confused why she was stressed if she used MY pictures as inspiration and yet expected me to not do my hair the way I like to do it?"
"Especially since no one told me lol."
"Anyway, AITA here?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for wearing her usual hairstyle to her friend's wedding.
Everyone agreed that since the bride not only used the OP's social media as inspiration for her and her bridesmaids' hairstyle, but also neglected to tell this to the OP, then she had absolutely nothing to be angry about:
"LOLOL."
"I loved that you were the inspo picture and got mad when you looked like...well....you."
"Amazing and NTA."- LowBalance4404
"NTA."
"She literally used you for inspiration and then got mad when y'all had the same hairstyle?"
"That's wild, and she's being irrational."- mtn-cat
"NTA."
"She used you for inspiration, then got upset that you looked like you always do."-Automatic_Serve7901
"NTA - this says it all."
"'I told them I was genuinely confused why she was stressed if she used MY pictures as inspiration and yet expected me to not do my hair the way I like to do it?'"
"She literally thought that because it was her day, that she owned your look."
"LMFAO!"
"Now that's some next level Bride-monster-from-Tokyo sh*t."- slap-a-frap
"NTA."
"If she had reached out and said, 'This is how I'm wearing my hair, I know this is in your wheelhouse, so would you mind doing something different so I can feel unique?'"
"You would have said sure, no problem!"
"But you're not psychic!"
"The bride is being ridiculous."-__The_Kraken__
"NTA of course."
"What did the bride say when you explained all of this?"
"How were you to possibly have known the direction SHE gave her bridesmaids, and she should have had a clue you would wear your hair this way, given you kind of always do?"
"I'm just wondering how she is backing up her anger at you with anything that makes actual sense."
"I'd love for her to point out what, exactly, you did wrong?"- LiveKindly01
"NTA."
"You wore your usual. I had curls in my hair for my wedding, I wasn't gonna feel threatened by everyone at the party with curls."- ZelaAmaryills
"NTA."
"Your friend is too immature to be married, hope it works out somehow."- CellistOk5452
"NTA."
"She knows how you like to do your hair, and even used your pictures as inspiration for her own wedding party's hairstyle."- Knightseason
"NTA."
"Why do so many people have such sh*tty friends that invite them to weddings?"- laztheinfamous
"NTA."
"Long story, but at a long-time friend's wedding, I wore a neutral with a pop of the wedding color in my shoes, because I also like to 'go' without spot-on matching."
"And I matched the bridesmaids exactly."
"They started down the aisle, and I was horrified!"
"We all had a good laugh, and the bride pulled me onto the dance floor for the wedding party dance."
"We still laugh about it to this day!"
"Sorry your friend isn't as lighthearted about it, but maybe she'll come around?"- theimperfexionist
"NTA, how were you supposed to know what hairstyle they were going to have?"
"And even if you did know, it sounds like it's your style, so not copying them."- redditstorylady
"NTA."
"Don't look to your pics as inspiration and be surprised you have the same style."- Lynnettey
"She based the hairstyles off your Insta and is mad you showed up looking like yourself?"
"Is she on drugs?"
"NTA."- mytoesarechilly
"NTA."
"And honestly, it feels like she was manufacturing a reason to be mad at you/get others mad at you."- lumoslomas
"NTA."
"Especially since she used your Insta and Pinterest for Inspiration!"- QL58
"NTA, but can you explain this bump?"- johjo_has_opinions
"NTA."
"It's hilarious, honestly."
"'I used you as inspiration. But how dare you dress like you normally do, which was how I was able to use you for inspiration?'"
"Also, are you a world-renowned psychic with a name like Xavier or Grey?"
"Because if you're not, how were you to know what her hairstyle would be?"
"I'm also not a renowned psychic, but I'm willing to be that what the bridesmaids said was 'uh huh, sure, lots of stress' to shut her up before walking away, rolling their eyes."- axw3555
"I have a big beard and moustache."
"Imagine if my friend got married, told all his groomsmen to check out my pictures because he wanted their beards and mustaches styled like mine and then got mad at me when I showed up with my usual beard and mustache."
"NTA."-Agent9262
"This gaslight would've worked on me."
"NTA."- pottersquash
"It's crazy that people this immature are allowed to get married."
"NTA."- Lucky_Volume3819
"The bride sounds horrible."
"Having three daughters, I am concerned with the ridiculous expectations of brides on bridesmaids and now even attendees that are being posted on here."
"If any of them acted even remotely this immature and like a child, I would pull the $$ plug and tell them to grow up."
"You are obviously NTA, but the bride is a massive one."- Classic_Might_5948
"NTA."
"Wedding culture is wildly out of control."- kimness1982
"NTA."
"It's how you wear your hair."
"And if the is worried her guests are dumb enough to think you were the bride or bridesmaid, she has big problems with the people she invited."- EfficiencyForsaken96
"Is there something else going on here where she's just using this pettiness to start a fight?"
"She's asking you to not be you AND to have a crystal ball that tells you that."
"NTA."- Pleasant_desert
No bride deserves to have attention taken away from them.
Even so, this particular bride could have avoided this had she given the OP advance notice.
Then too, the fact that this bride couldn't enjoy what should be one of the happiest days of her life over a similar hairstyle makes it seem like she needs to sort out her priorities...
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.