Even though many will try to deny it, everyone has insecurities of one sort or another.
Though some are more open about their insecurities, often owing to bullying or shaming from others regarding something about them.
As a result, this sadly leaves them taking everything very personally.,
Redditor Hot_Lab4411 recently hired a new assistant.
Very pleased with the work she was doing, the original poster (OP) recently invited this new assistant to a business lunch.
Unfortunately, the OP was much less happy with their assistant’s behavior at this lunch, feeling the need to speak to her.
A discussion the OP’s assistant took very personally.
Worried they may have overstepped, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for speaking to my (over weight) assistant about her business lunch and making her cry?”
The OP explained why their assistant found their feedback following a business lunch anything but constructive:
“At the beginning of the year, I hired an assistant (we’ll call her Amy).”
“Amy is great at what she does and I have already given her a raise because I felt she was underpaid for what she was doing.”
“I’m working on several large deals, so I gave Amy the lead on one of them.”
“She did an excellent job.”
“I set up a lunch appointment with that client on Friday.”
“I told him I would be bringing Amy as she has been instrumental in their account.”
“He did not have a problem with this.”
“Amy was professional, knowledgeable and did an overall good job.”
‘The client and I were both impressed, with the exception of one thing.”
“The client and I both ordered burgers and fries.”
“Amy ordered a steak- well done- mashed potatoes, steamed veggies and a side of soup.”
“The client and I finished about the same time.”
“It was another 15 minutes before Amy finished.”
“Then the waitress came around and asked if we wanted dessert.”
“The client and I both said no.”
“Amy ordered cheese cake and coffee.”
“I realized that I hadn’t spoken to Amy about client lunches before, so after the meeting.”
“I explained to her that it is best to follow the client’s lead.”
“If they order simple food, we order simple food.”
“If they decline desert, we decline desert.”
“If we want something afterwards, we can pick it up later.”
“Amy did not take this well.”
“At first, she offered to pay me back.”
“I told her it was not a money issue.”
“I have no problem buying her lunch but to keep in mind it’s about business.”
“I told her I usually order wraps or burgers because they are not too messy (like spaghetti) and I can take small bites in case I’m asked a question.”
“I can also match the client’s eating speed so there is no awkward waiting on either side.”
“Then she started crying, saying it is because she’s fat (her words not mine).”
“I again told her it was about strategy.”
“I thought she had great potential and I wanted to help guide her.”
“I then told her about some of my past faux pas.”
“For example, ordering spaghetti and getting it all on my shirt, or once I ordered first and ordered a cheese burger when the client was vegetarian and highly disgusted at me.”
“She was still upset when she left. I feel like an AH for bringing this to her attention but my intentions were good.”
“I feel like she has great potential.”
“The meal did not concern me as much as how she took instruction.”
“Now I’m wondering if others think I was wrong for bringing it up at all.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for calling out Amy after their business lunch.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s feedback was not only valid but highly helpful and that Amy should not have taken it so personally:
“NTA.”
“Business lunches are weird.”
“So many unwritten rules and pitfalls.”
“As her boss, you offered advice and examples of mistakes made in the past.”
“As her boss, it’s literally your job to mentor and guide her in these situations.”
“Also, dessert has two S’s.”- Thundernutz79
“This was a completely appropriate conversation about learning workplace norms.”
“NTA.”- 3furryboys
“NTA.”
“I am also an overweight person.”
“I would never ever think of ordering steak if I worked in a client facing job and the client didn’t order something fancy first!”
“It wouldn’t even occur to me to do so.”
“I do understand that she may be feeling very sensitive about her weight, a lot of us fat people do, but not every conversation about food is an indictment.”
“If she wants to be in your field, she needs to know the strategy.”
“I also get why it didn’t occur to you to have the food strategy meeting ahead of time, but I hope that if this happens again with someone else that you will do so.”- mvms
“NTA.”
“As a plus size woman, I do not see a problem with this advice at all.”
“She sounds insecure and needs to understand it is about the timing out of respect for the client, not the food itself.”- bananaloca2002
“NTA.”
“As long as you are accurate in the depiction of your tone and for helping her learn how these lunches should go.”
“Most likely she has had bad past experiences with someone policing her food and it is a sore point for her.”- KatieHedgehog
“NTA.”
“It’s business etiquette not far shaming.”
“She’s probably sensitive on this so there might be no safe way to have the convo, but your approach is right.”- jgcrawfo
“‘Amy did not take this well. At first, she offered to pay me back. I told her it was not a money issue’.”
“There is no way you can get someone who is determined to misunderstand you, to understand you.”
“You did not comment on her weight and her theatrics speak to her and whatever she’s dealing with internally.”
“Professionally, this is a huge red flag for Amy.”
“I know it is hard to hear especially given the crying and all that, but you are NTA.”- Fit-Bumblebee-6420
“As a fat myself, NTA.”
“I think it’s important to let the client set the speed and tone, and if she will be taking clients for lunch she should know how that is done.”- tomatojalapeno
“NTA.”
“This was a business meeting, not a casual lunch with friends.”
“She needed the coaching and feedback.”- Lissypooh628
“NTA / you sound like a great boss – willing to give tips , giving a raise.”
“I’d be a bit embarrassed If I’d made a mistake like that but once you explained the reasoning behind it I’d be fine and glad of the help!”- Western_Pea_3967
“NTA.”
“Hopefully she will think about this and realize you were trying to help her.”
“I think you handled it well.”- Lynfran
“NTA.”
“What you said was completely appropriate and tactful.”
“Amy, obviously, has some insecurities about her weight and immediately became defensive because of her struggles.”
“You didn’t mention weight at all.”- NoTechnology9099
“NTA.”
“You approached it very well based on your version of the event.”
“Giving her a few pointers on proper business etiquette is beneficial to all involved – especially with you drawing previous examples of yourself to get the point across more clearly.”- Fit-Contribution-821
“NTA.”
“I’ve had to have conversations about table manners with employees.”
“Folks who want to improve and expand to more customer facing roles, will be receptive to kind correction.”- greekadjacent
“NTA.”
“You did the right thing.”
“You simply told her to follow the client’s lead.”
“If the client had ordered steak there would have been nothing wrong with what she ordered.”
“If you have an HR department I’d make them aware of this conversation just in case your assistant tries to accuse you of making this about her weight.”- keesouth
“NTA.”
“You’re the director and, as an employee, she’s under your supervision.”
“She’s obviously done well, and you’ve recognized and rewarded her.”
“Telling her about mistakes you’ve previously made was a great idea.”
“But her tears and blame are highly inappropriate.”
“She did the right then g by offering to reimburse you or the company, but you did the right thing by telling her that the client takes the lead.”
“In my first job, I had someone who continually gave me great advice about being a professional.”
“I still lean on her words 40 years later and am grateful that she found me teachable!”- Hot-Freedom-5886
As the issue at hand was food, it’s not difficult to see why Amy took the OP’s feedback so personally.
However, this was a valuable lesson she needed to learn, and a lesson the OP would have given to ANYONE, regardless of their race.
Something Amy will hopefully come to realize, and only improve her valuable status at the OP’s company.