Be it owing to the size of the venue or budgetary restraints, all wedding guest lists need to be capped at some point.
As a result, every now and again, some people whom the happy couple would very much like to see at the wedding will have to be left off.
Knowing how much a wedding costs, most people understand.
Others, however, are less forgiving to learn they weren’t invited.
A recent Redditor was shocked that their stepdaughter of many years didn’t receive an invitation to their biological daughter’s wedding.
Upon learning this was a deliberate choice and not a mistake, the original poster (OP) was even more furious and felt there was only one possible course of action.
Worried they might have been unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not attending Bio daughters wedding because her step sister was not invited?”
The OP explained why their daughter’s wedding invite list ended up causing a rift in their relationship.
“Bio Daughter’s Dad and I’s relationship did not end on good terms.”
“And while I tried my best to keep the children out of it, he did not agree, and in an attempt to get the kids to side with him, he went on a smear campaign against me.”
“While he didn’t accomplish his goal of getting them to want to be with him, he was successful in straining my relationship with my daughter.”
“I tried therapy and every possible, but once she was old enough to refuse, she stopped participating.”
“I remarried when bio daughter was 13, and my husband had a daughter who is 2 years younger than our bio daughter. Since the beginning the girls did not get along.”
“At first, bio daughter was the one instigating, but eventually in their teens years, the ‘hate’ became mutual.”
“Both girls are now in their Mid 20s, and their relationship has not gotten any better.”
“Bio daughter is getting Married next year, and she’s having a fairly large wedding.”
“I knew since the beginning that stepdaughter was not in the wedding party, but everyone assumed she was at least invited to the ceremony.”
“While talking about the wedding, the topic of step daughter was brought up, at which point my daughter said that step daughter wasn’t invited.”
“When I asked why her reasoning was that she wants an intimate wedding.”
“This would normally be a reasonable response, except for the fact that even friends that she hadn’t seen since elementary school are invited, but her step sister is not, so I pressed her and she said the reason why she isn’t invited is that ‘she’s not family’.”
“I said if stepsister is not family, then neither is Stepdad and her half-siblings, and by proxy, I’m also not family, and so if its a family-only wedding, then there is no point in me attending.”
“She obviously got upset and started screaming and ended up leaving.”
“She told her aunts and grandparents, and everyone is saying that I’m an a**hole for refusing to attend her wedding.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No a**holes Here
The OP found little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who pretty much unanimously agreed she was the a**Hole for refusing to attend their daughter’s wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s biological daughter had every right to choose who was and wasn’t invited to her wedding. Many felt that the OP’s decision to boycott the wedding made it seem like they were prioritizing their stepdaughter, while others pointed out that if their relationship was as bad as it seemed to be, the OP’s stepdaughter probably didn’t want to go to the wedding anyway.
“YTA.”
“In a few years, you’ll be back, either on this sub or another, lamenting that your NC daughter won’t let you see her children or answer your calls.”
“This post will be the missing reason.”
“They hate each other.”
“It does not matter who started it or if they were teens.”
“They. Have. A. Mutual. Hatred. Of. Each. Other.”
“It’s unreasonable for you to assume your stepdaughter would be invited.”
“It’s also unreasonable for you to skip your daughter’s wedding.”
“Don’t blame your ex for straining your relationship with your daughter.”
“You’ve managed to kill the relationship all on your own.”- buttercupgrump
“Sorry OP, YTA.”
“There is a say in weddings: ‘guests do not invite’.”
“It’s your daughter’s right to invite who she feels confident with, and even if you disagree, it’s not your place to question this.”
“Its the ‘then there is no point in me attending’ for me.”
“If you don’t see the issue here, then there is nothing more to say.”- Different_Wonder4203
“YTA.”
“It is her wedding.”
“Why are you trying to force her to invite someone she does not like and does not have a relationship with.”
“You are alienating yourself.”- Fair-boysenberry6745
“YTA.”
“Does your stepdaughter even care to attend?”
“Why strain an already tough relationship?”
“You’re attempting to manipulate her into inviting someone that she isn’t comfortable with.”
“You’re forcing a relationship that isn’t there, and now you’ll add to the divide.”
“She will just hate your stepdaughter more and have justification to.”
“She’ll hate you too, and I wouldn’t blame her.”
“You are telling her that her feelings, her desires, and wedding are less important than your other family.”
“I wonder if this is a common pattern for you.”
“If you choose to not attend, be prepared for the consequences of your actions.”
“Remember when you don’t get invited or included in the other big events of her life that it was your fault.”- PsychologicalRoll705
“Tell me your stepdaughter’s the golden child without telling me she’s the golden child.”
“YTA.”- AA6671923
“YTA, now you are straining your relationship with your daughter.”
“They don’t like each other.”
“They will never like each other.”
“Get over it.”- aeroeagleAC
“Well you just demonstrated to her exactly why you aren’t. It’s her wedding, not yours FFS.”
“YTA.”- ReviewOk929
“YTA.”
“Weddings are for people who are special to the bride and groom, for people who would celebrate them.”
“So why would step sister be invited?!”
“The hate is mutual so step sister would not be there to genuinely celebrate the bride.”
“The bride’s friends would be.”
“Plus your ‘logic’ as to why you’re not family either is just silly.”
“You’re too old for this drama.”
“Apologize and stop making this wedding about you.”- stophittingthyself
“YTA.”
“It’s her wedding she can invite who she wants.”
“She doesn’t like her stepsister; why should she invite her?”
“If you don’t go, you’re obviously picking sides.”- PensionLegitimate706
“YTA.”
“Who died and made you the wedding guest list police?”
“You say your relationship is strained.”
“I wonder why.”
“Obviously you favor your step daugther.”
“You say their hate is mutual.”
“Why on earth should I invite someone to my wedding who hates me?”
“You can´t choose family, but you can choose who you invite to your wedding.”
“It´s well within her right to exclude someone she dislikes (and is disliked by).”
“Why do you think it´s reasonable to pressure her into inviting her stepsister with that kind of ultimatum?”
“Why would it even be important to you?”
“What is the benefit of having SD there at all?”
“Sorry, but I think your daughter will go NC soon, and she will be right.”- Happy_Train9408
“God you’re an a**hole, just break contact with her and stop being such an insufferable mother. Your life didn’t go as you wanted, you hate your ex, let your child be.”
“YTA.”- No_Revolution_6186
“YTA.”
“It’s amazing that you refer to your daughter as ‘bio daughter’ in the first place.”
“The entire tone of your post actually leads one to believe that her father’s ‘smear campaign’ wasn’t too far from the truth.”
“Your refusal to come to the wedding is you putting the final nail in the coffin that YOU built with YOUR choices.”
“Enjoy basking in the sun of the victimhood that you created for yourself.”-Soft-Attention5699
“Why should she invite someone who hates her and she hates to her wedding?”
“Would you?”
“You are favoring your stepdaughter here.”
“YTA.”- Ok-Lifeguard-9507
“YTA.”
“Congratulations on setting fire to what little relationship you had left with your daughter.”
“Stop trying to blame your ex for your bad parenting, and get ready to accept that you will have no place in her life going forward.”
“Hopefully your stepdaughter will make up for it, but I suspect she feels the same way towards you as she does to your daughter.”- Zealousideal-Song717
If the relationship between the OP’s biological daughter and stepdaughter is as bad as they claim it is, then they should have been more surprised if the stepdaughter had been invited.
Even so, telling your own daughter you’re not going to attend her wedding is not the best way to try and improve your relationship.
Leaving one to wonder if those who felt the OP’s ex-husband probably didn’t need to vilify them to their children might indeed be correct.