Being a bridesmaid can be a very meaningful experience.
Some people wait years to be asked to be part of a loved one’s bridal party.
It can be a huge bonding moment.
So when someone who is thrilled to be a bridesmaid is then dropped from the line-up, a lot of hurt feelings start flying.
Redditor Simple-Camel-20 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my pregnant sister I don’t think she can physically handle being my bridesmaid on my wedding day?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m (25 F[emale]) getting married, and my sister (31 F) was supposed to be one of my bridesmaids.”
“She’s 7 months pregnant and I don’t think she can handle it.”
“She’s dripping sweat and flushed even if it’s just a little hot or if she does anything, like a little activity.”
“She gets exhausted easily.”
“She looks uncomfortable standing or walking.”
“I love her, and I wanted her as a bridesmaid, but I don’t want to have to worry about her.”
“I spoke to her and I told her I don’t think she can physically handle being my bridesmaid.”
“Even though she was dripping and out of breath from our little walk, she told me she could handle it.”
“She accused me of treating her unfairly just because she’s pregnant.”
“I held firm and told her she can’t be a bridesmaid.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP WAS the A**hole.
“Are you planning some sort of obstacle course for your wedding?” ~ UsedAd7162
“This seems weird.”
“I was 7 months pregnant with S[ensory] P[rocessing] D[isorder], so I had a walker and crutches for stairs.”
“Whenever the bride didn’t need active help, I sat down.”
“My sister wanted me as her aide, so she arranged things so I could do it.”
“Being able to immediately sit if required on the walker meant all duties could be performed.”
“It’s not like a bridesmaid has to do very much that’s physically demanding.”
“I’ve been both a grooms attendant and a bridesmaid at multiple weddings, and there were never any jobs at the reception aside from giving a speech.”
“My sister’s wedding was more formal than most.”
“High orthodox.” ~ AnnoyedOwlbear
“Bridesmaid, not maid of honor.”
“The duties you’re talking about are the maid of honor.”
“She’s pregnant; if OP actually loves her and wants her there, she can easily make some minor, reasonable accommodations.”
“God, I hope none of you people making excuses ‘loves’ anyone with a real disability.”
“So inconvenient for you.” ~ ArthurDentsRobeTie
“OP says her sister is uncomfortable just standing still.”
“Typically, the bridesmaids would be standing next to the bride for the entire ceremony, which can sometimes be pretty long.”
“It may be in a hot, stuffy church or outside in the baking sun.”
“And she won’t even be able to sit down for a moment to catch her breath.”
“If she does go sit down for a minute and then come back up, that would be super disruptive to the ceremony, not to mention then everyone (bride included) will be focused on the sister’s well-being and not the ceremony.”
“Maybe she could still be a bridesmaid and just not stand?”
“Like she wears the matching dress and goes to all the events, she just has the option of sitting during the ceremony.”
“I do think it’s extreme to remove her altogether.”
“But it doesn’t take an obstacle course to make a 7-month pregnant woman feel out of breath or even dizzy.” ~ treehuggerfroglover
“YTA. It’s your sister.”
“How much work does it really take to be your bridesmaid?”
“Are they required to perform manual labor for you all day?”
“I’m sure a pregnant woman can stand through the ceremony, and if not, hey, let her sit.”
“Because again- it’s your sister.” ~ MisunderstoodPeg
“To add to this, a week before my sister’s wedding, I was hospitalised with an infection, and I was on crutches for her wedding, where I was to be a bridesmaid.”
“I was able to get down the aisle without the crutches, but then had them handed back to me while I was standing near the altar.”
“If I hadn’t been able to walk down the aisle, it would have been ‘Oh no, well I guess we’ll get you a chair and we’ll meet you up front.'”
“It didn’t ruin anything.”
“Makes a cute story.”
“YTA OP.” ~ Sweeper1985
“At a family member’s wedding, one of the bridesmaids was just barely postpartum, so they arranged it so she’d stand as little as possible, and she was holding her baby with a giant flower headband instead of a bouquet.”
“The best man was the newborn’s father, so it was understood that if the timing didn’t work out and they missed the wedding, oh well, it happened, and the party would still be balanced.”
“If you want to make it work, you can.” ~ Errvalunia
“Get her a chair if needed.”
“I had a broken foot at a wedding I was in.”
“They put a chair where we were standing so I could sit.”
“And shockingly, the wedding was not ruined by this.” ~ SummitJunkie7
“My cousin was one of my bridesmaids and was 8 months pregnant at my wedding.”
“I was worried about it being too much or uncomfortable.”
“When she told me she was pregnant and asked about it, I said I would be thrilled if she still wanted to be my bridesmaid.”
“If it would be too much or if she found she was getting too uncomfortable leading up to the day, then she could absolutely step down, but I’d leave it up to her.”
“If she did want to be a bridesmaid, I didn’t care what she wore, and if she did wear the dress, she could change at any time main thing was for her to be comfortable on the day.”
“She found the dress in a size that would fit and wore it to the church and photos, and then changed into something more comfortable, and everyone was happy.”
“Can’t imagine saying she couldn’t be in the wedding because she was pregnant.” ~ mahnamahna123
“Right? I had no bridesmaids and – would you believe – I was still able to get married because bridesmaids aren’t necessary!”
“OP’s sister could literally sit on her @ss the whole time, be in a couple of photos, and it would be no different than her not being in the wedding party except that the relationship is preserved.” ~ katoolah
“As someone who had been a bridesmaid multiple times, yes. Bridesmaids are constantly expected to do tasks not only leading up to the wedding day but on the wedding day itself.”
“They’ve somehow become unpaid labor for brides.”
“OP only needs to refrain from asking her sister to do extra things on the wedding day, and maybe get her a small battery-operated handheld fan if she’s so concerned about sweating and redness.”
“And maybe make sure she gets an updo to help keep the back of the neck cool to also help her regulate her temperature since pregnancy throws all that off.” ~ duchess_of_fire
“YTA, what you should have said was ‘How can I make sure you are comfortable and safe on the day?’”
“All she’s got to do is stand there and look nice.”
“All you had to do was make sure she had a chair nearby and maybe a change of shoes.”
“But you dumped her.”
“That’s pretty lousy of you.” ~ MoreCleverUserName
“She doesn’t even need to stand!”
“OP could hover her a chair or stool.” ~ riotousgrowlz
“Thank you!!!”
“Like, why could this not have been more delicately handled?!”
“Did OP just not want a ‘big sweaty pregnant’ bridesmaid ruining her aesthetic?”
“I was a bridesmaid in two weddings at 7 months, one on a beach walking in sand, and my friends paired me with groomsmen to make sure I had a strong arm if I needed support, offered whatever I needed to feel comfy because they love me and wanted me up there, and wanted to honor our friendships in that way.”
“It doesn’t take much to be kind, OP.”
“Could have let her walk and offered for her to sit instead of standing, anything. YTA.” ~ ScholarLongjumping15
“This is EXACTLY what I think it is!”
“OP is a tremendous AH.” ~ TeriBarrons
“YTA- let her decide what she can and can’t handle.”
“I was a bridesmaid in a wedding 3 weeks before my due date, and it was fine.”
“It seems like something is missing from your story that you’re so eager to kick her out of your wedding party.” ~ crazy_river_otter
“YTA. You just don’t want a sweaty, fat bridesmaid who’ll pull focus from you.”
“Don’t try to put it in her unless she specifically told you she can’t handle it.” ~ Tough-Combination-37
“YTA for deciding for her.”
“I think you are just worried about the optics not being picture perfect.” ~ tymopa
“YTA. Why not make accommodations for her?”
“If she can’t stand for the ceremony, then… offer to get her a chair?”
“You could get chairs for everyone in the wedding party so she’s not singled out, or have them all sit in the front row of the audience.”
“You can ask your photographer for ideas for group shots that include seated people.”
“You have options here.” ~ trying-to-be-nicer
“YTA. She can’t walk down the short aisle and then sit during the ceremony?”
“I had a bridesmaid who was 8.5 months pregnant at my wedding.”
“I gave her the choice of remaining a bridesmaid, being an usher, or being a guest.”
“I made sure she knew I wanted her a part of my day.”
“What I didn’t do was kick her to the curb.” ~ Disastrous-Nail-640
“YTA, most definitely.”
“All she needs to do is show up and stand or sit next to you if necessary.”
“That’s, of course, in the case in which you want her there because she’s important to you and not for some made-up tradition to make you feel like the most important person in the universe.” ~ 3600MilesAway
Reddit is not supportive of your decisions, OP.
Your sister must be heartbroken.
There have to be ways to compromise.
Reddit was chock-full of ideas.
Maybe start by having a heart-to-heart and listening to feelings.
Good Luck.