Giving birth is an incredibly personal and vulnerable experience. However, some people treat it like a show and think that personal boundaries don’t apply when a woman is pregnant or giving birth.
The priority in a delivery room should be the person giving birth and the baby, not anyone else’s feelings.
Redditor expectingbutnotthis encountered this very issue with her husband. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for “rudely” telling my husband I decide who is in the delivery room?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So for context I (28F) am currently pregnant with my partner (31M) and am a first time mom. My hospital recently changed their policy and are now allowing two ‘support people’ in the delivery room.”
“My mother in law (MIL) made comments early on that she wanted to be there for the birth, and this woman is not subtle. At the time I felt protected by covid protocols, but set that expectation straight. I explicitly stated that ANYTIME I give birth it will be a private medical experience that only includes my husband and medical team.”
“I thought that it was clear it wasn’t a debate because it’s my body and I have the autonomy to decide who sees it in any context. Additionally, I do not have a good relationship with my MIL. She just recently started initiating positive interactions after years of me trying, and its absolutely because she’s an ‘IT’S my grandbaby’ person.”
OP’s husband wanted to stand up for his mom.
“Recently my husband told me we needed to have a discussion. He starts off by saying he mentioned the support person protocol change to his mother.”
“I tried not to react but immediately I blurted out asking him why he would do that. He goes onto say he knows his mother ‘really wants to be in the room to see the baby’s first breath.’ I replied logically, ‘if your mom sees their first breath she will also see me pushing and will be looking down at my vagina.'”
“I actually had to explain why I refuse to give birth in front of his mother. I then told him that there are only two priorities in the delivery room and neither of them are his mother or her feelings.”
“The ‘discussion’ continued back and forth.”
OP’s feelings were hurt.
“Finally I started crying, I told him that labor and birth will be most painful and vulnerable experience of my life and that I need him to protect me. I told him that anyone who refuses to protect their pregnant partner failed them and is just deadweight in the delivery room.”
“My husband told me I am ‘rude,’ (other negative things too) left our apartment, and when he came back he wasn’t speaking to me. This is where I think I could be TA.”
“I told him giving me the silent treatment -because I won’t let his mother spectate as my most intimate area rips open- was very immature and made me worry if he has the emotional intelligence to support me in the delivery room.”
“I think my husband took my hint, but I didn’t explicitly say that I can decide he won’t be allowed in there either. I will say I would be devastated if I had to do that and never thought this would EVER be a problem during my pregnancy.”
OP added some extra info.
“Info: I did cuss when talking about ‘f*cking ripping’ but that was it. I also wasn’t yelling, but I was sobbing loudly enough during it that my neighbor next door knocked to check on me after he left.”