Some people take their hygiene more seriously than others.
Particularly when it comes to food.
While some people don’t have a second thought about letting someone take a bite of their piece of pizza or take a sip out of their drink, others wouldn’t even consider doing so.
Even with family.
The toddler of a recent Redditor began developing a habit during meals that the original poster (OP) simply couldn’t stand.
The OP was hoping she might have her husband’s support in this matter.
Unfortunately, not only did the OP’s husband support their toddler over her, he even went so far as to call the OP “selfish.”
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For not letting my husband and child drink from my cup or eat from my plate?”
The OP shared how she had quite the opposite of support from her husband when it came to teaching their toddler table manners:
“I absolutely hate people picking off my plate or using my cup.”
“Lately, my two-year-old has started trying to pick food out of my plate with his fingers.”
“He’s obsessed with my water bottle, and if I put it within reach, he takes it and drinks out of it.”
“I don’t mind sharing my food, as in putting some of it on his plate for him, but I’m just not wanting anyone putting their fingers in my food or backwashing in my water bottle.”
“My husband has now also started eating out of serving dishes or trying to use my fork.”
“He’s seen that I try to teach our son, ‘this is mama’s plate, this is your plate.'”
“We can share, but you can’t take food from my plate.”
“My husband says I’m being a germaphobe and that we are family and we should all share, but I’ve never been a sharer of utensils and as much as I love love love our family, I’ve gotten enough viruses from my son to know better.”
“I also think it’s important for a child to know boundaries, they can’t just take other people’s food, and a grown man should know he can’t drink out of a milk carton or eat from a serving dish.”
“My husband said I’m being selfish and OCD about it and asked how I can look at our son and say no to him when he wants to share.”
“Now I feel like a jerk.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to let her toddler or husband share her dining utensils.
Everyone agreed that the OP was teaching her son an important lesson, which she should also need to teach her husband:
“NTA.”
“You shouldn’t have to be teaching your husband the same lessons you’re teaching your two year old.”- Maddie24Kennedy
“NTA.”
“You’re trying to teach your child proper table manners, and your husband is undermining you.”
“Your boundaries are important and should be respected, and your kid should learn now not to take without asking.”- radditorbiker
“Once watched a family of 4 eat the same breakfast sandwich.”
“Mom was trying to eat her sandwich, kid 1 grabbed her hand and then took a slobbery bite.”
“Kid 2 felt left out, had his slobbery bite.”
“Dad had a nibble- he thought it was adorbs!”
“And mom was left with a mangled sandwich.”
“She was at kid #3’s sporting event and had limited options.”
“She threw the rest out.”
“NTA.”- frope_a_nope
“NTA.”
“Kids are disgusting.”
“I say that lovingly as I have two of my own.”
“I don’t share drinks with anyone because I got mono and spent 6 months in bed.”
“I just prefer not to share things, and I think that’s a fair boundary to have.”- 707Mendolandia
“NTA.”
“I think it’s often easier for dads to not feel the need for boundaries since they are more likely to get time away from the kids.”
“Add in breastfeeding and it’s a recipe for an overwhelmed momma.”
“Even if mom works full time and doesn’t breastfeed, she is entitled to teach her children to respect her boundaries.”
“Sure, when a baby smacks us and pulls our hair, we can’t expect to teach them immediately, but teaching age-appropriate boundaries is healthy and normal.”
“Also, mom is entitled to her own plate, water bottle, and utensils.”
“Sure, lots of parents might be fine with sharing, but that’s their choice and their boundaries.”
“Some people get sick easily, and if you’re like me, it knocks you down harder than it does others.”
“It’s not reasonable to expect others to take unnecessary risks like that.”
“I swear sometimes it’s like mothers don’t get the privilege of being a whole adult anymore, while they are expected to take care of everyone else.”
“It’s bullsh*t.”
“Anyone else remember that offhand line in A Christmas Story, ‘Mom hadn’t had a hot meal in years’.”- Tess408
“NTA.”
“Question: does your husband try to undermine you in other ways?”
“I hope that’s not the case.”- Outside-Scene8063
“NTA.”
“My youngest daughter got Mono at 5 years old.”
“We were told by her pediatrician not to share food/plates or drinks.”
“She had her own hand towel in the bathroom.”
“Nobody else got sick in the house.”
‘We had gone on vacation to Yosemite, so we think someone there probably had it sneezed and touched a handrail.”
“Best lesson we have ever learned: do not share food or drink like that and it significantly cuts down on sharing sickness.”- Unlikely_Savings_408
“You’re trying to teach your son good table manners.”
“This is a good thing for when he is with people that aren’t you/your family.”
“If we’d done that to each other, or our parents, as kids, we’d have got a sharp rap on the knuckles with a bit of cutlery from my folks.”
“It’s rude to take, it’s not rude to ask though.”
“NTA.”- Jay-Dee-British
“NTA.”
“This is a fair rule to have, especially if it makes you uncomfortable.”
“Sharing does not mean everyone must shove their fingers and utensils into other people’s food.”- CrabbiestAsp
“NTA.”
“I don’t want anyone grabbing from my plate, drinking from my glass, or eating directly from the cooking pot or serving dishes.”
“Not everyone wants your germs in everything.’
“I consider it rude and inconsiderate. Call it OCD if you like, but behaviors like this kept sickness and viruses from running rampant between my husband and four kids in our very full home.”- Chiron008
“I’m always triggered when a woman lets her children grab food from her plate or intercept the food she is lifting to her mouth.”
“I support you.”
“NTA.”- Regigiformayor
“Why do people continue to misuse the word ‘selfish’?”
“You’re willing to share the food, you just don’t want someone else sticking in their fingers, and there just isn’t anything selfish about that! NTA, teach these people some courtesy and manners!”- TheRealBabyPop
“NTA.”
“One time on thanksgiving my cousin’s kids kept wanting my aunt’s food from her place even though they had their own and had eaten and could have gotten more if they wanted or asked for it.”
“She eventually gave in but got up and got rid of the rest of the food and looked at me and said ‘I don’t eat after babies’.”
“My cousin acted all offended, but she didn’t care, and I thought the whole thing was funny, and I don’t eat after babies.”- Senior_Performer_387
“NTA.”
“When my kids were little, I’d put out a decoy cup and hide my actual drink.”
“And your husband needs to respect your wishes.”- Cynner85
“NTA and of course your husband believes you’re being the AH because he’s part of the problem!”
“He’s not the one having his food invaded and slobbered on so he’s looking at this from this perspective of not wanting to be told no or respecting your boundaries.”-GlorySeason777
“NTA.”
“Don’t let your husband guilt you into doing what HE wants you to do.”
‘You are right to teach your child manners.”
‘Too bad your husband has none himself.”
‘Be wary, as it sounds like your husband is happy to send your child mixed signals.”
‘He’s undermining you.”- hadMcDofordinner
“The fact that this is new behavior from your husband, apparently mirroring your 2-year-old’s behavior, is very concerning.”
“He knows it makes you uncomfortable (he definitely knows) and that you are trying to stop your child from doing it, yet he is actively encouraging your child, through his own contradictory actions, to ignore your request.”
“This combination of his gross actions and the messages he is sending your child is incredibly disrespectful towards you.”
“It’s like he is looking for an opportunity to make you the least important person in the family and for your child to grow up thinking it is OK to ignore your parenting and treat you like garbage.”
“I might even go so far as to call it bullying.”
“Does your husband disrespect you in other ways?”
“Is this an underlying theme in your marriage?”
“The feeling I am getting is that this appalling behaviour, as both a husband and a father, is merely what you have asked about in your post today and is not even close to being the full picture.”
“Definitely NTA, and I encourage you to apply a critical lens to your marriage and figure out what is really going on.”- BuzzyLightyear100
People can worry a tiny bit less about the spreading of germs within their own household.
That being said, as children are known for carrying and spreading germs, it is essential to teach them proper table and hygiene etiquette.
Something the OP’s husband should realize sooner rather than later is that it needs to begin at home.