Money can be a glorious thing to have.
It can also be the root of all evil.
That’s why so many people are trepidatious about lending it out to loved ones.
Many families and relationships have been torn apart because of unpaid loans.
Redditor Strict-Obligation412 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA: broke sister won’t pay back rich brother?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Two years ago, I lent my sister $3,000 to be repaid when our $30k inheritance from our grandmother came in.”
“It was supposed to come in within months, but it took two years due to numerous reasons.”
“During those two years, my sister and her husband went into debt to have a six-figure wedding.”
“Shortly after, it appears both of them started having issues with their incomes and have also been struggling with their debt.”
“Her husband owns a few restaurants, apparently they aren’t doing well enough to support their lifestyle.”
“Just a complete and utter financial disaster.”
“I patiently waited for the inheritance to finally come in, and then my sister messages me saying she is not going to pay me until she fixes her situation.”
“They are selling their share of a business, and I’ll get paid then.”
“After some months of waiting, I message her…”
“Hey, do you have an update on repaying me?”
“I was supposed to get paid back after the inheritance came.”
“My loan to you was just 10% of the inheritance.”
“What did you do with the inheritance funds?”
“I asked her what she did with the inheritance funds because unless it was used to pay down debt immediately, I don’t see any justification for not paying me.”
“I heard she has invested a portion of it in the market.”
“I strongly feel that paying me back takes precedence over investing (gambling?) it in the market.”
“Her response in full…”
“Do you sit in [location] and think hmmmm… Let me ask my sister for 3k?”
“What did you do with the inheritance funds?”
“Like what are you going on about?”
“It’s called, we are actively trying to fix our situation.”
“So no I am not paying you 3k until I do.”
“And that is my final answer.”
“If you would like to complain more when your net worth is SIGNIFICANTLY more than mine, then fine.”
“I have explained very clearly that [husband] does not have a salary.”
“If you message me again about this until I tell you that we’re good, do not expect me to speak to you again.”
“I have been more stressed out than I’ve ever been in my life.”
“And I will not have my multi-millionaire brother be on my a** about 3k.”
“Get some f**king empathy!!”
“My response back to her…”
“True or not true you invested some of it in crypto?”
“How much net worth do you need to your name before you pay me back the 3k?”
“U literally got a 30k cash infusion!”
“You couldn’t survive with 27k?”
“You think because I have money and you don’t, you can avoid paying me back on time.”
“It changes the ethics equation for you.”
“When I lent you the 3k to survive UNTIL the 30k came in.”
“Then it came in and you had enough spare money to clown around in crypto.”
“Nope, that’s not ethical.”
“You clear the debt.”
“It’s about trust.”
“A 3K payment is going to sting regardless.”
“It’s only 6 months of a horse payment.”
“It is unhealthy to have this debt hanging over our relationship.”
“So settle it, and move forward.”
“So my position here is pretty clear.”
“The debt was 3k.”
“We received a 30k inheritance from our sweet grandmother.”
“If things aren’t dire enough that they have money to invest in the market from that 30k, then that is money that should be paid to me first.”
“End of story.”
“My current financial standing is irrelevant here and is just an excuse to not do what is right.”
“Some people have asked whether I have proof of original agreement.”
“Yes, I do, over text.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, AITA? Do I need more empathy?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Your sister owes you the money.”
“Plain and simple.”
“The bank I got my mortgage from has a valuation in the billions, but that doesn’t excuse me from paying them back.” ~ AgnarCrackenhammer
“Anytime you loan a friend or family money, if you love them as a friend or family you must do so expecting to never be paid back and ask yourself what will happen when you aren’t.”
“Because anyone with decent credit can get a traditional loan from a bank.”
“It’s what they do.”
“I am bad with money but I don’t borrow it from anyone.” ~ cattlehuyuk2323
“OP is NTA, maybe a bit naive, because I do agree with you.”
“You have to think about what happens if they don’t pay you back.”
“If ‘lending’ the money would put you in a bad position, don’t give them the money.”
“If you’ll be okay then it’s your call.”
“I like the saying ‘It all comes out in the wash.'”
“For example when I was doing well I was able to help my sister, when she’s doing better she’s helped me.”
“I don’t keep a tally because help with moving, pets, and being sisters, doesn’t have a price.” ~ CarmenCage
“All of this.”
“For years, my B[other]-I[n]-L[aw] was living at home with only a part-time job.”
“My husband gave him money a few times.”
“Every time he just gave the money not expecting it back.”
“It was probably 10 years of BIL living in his childhood bedroom scraping by on a part-time job.”
“Never saw a dime back.”
“But also we never expected to.”
“Until he finally got a good job.”
“Met a good woman.”
“Got his s**t together.”
“Entirely unprompted gave all the money owed back.
“OP, you’ll either get it back or you won’t. Let it go.”
“But don’t lend anything else ever again.” ~ On_my_last_spoon
“NTA. However, the lending game is big business.”
“She actually wanted a gift.”
“So, why not gift her the money?”
“And then know that never ever again will you lend money to anyone unless you are willing to never get it back.”
“I once lent a friend $500.”
“He was broke and needed to get his car fixed.”
“For my peace of mind, I relinquished the debt.”
“I didn’t tell him that.”
“I simply did it for myself.”
“In my own mind, I said I am gifting because I will never see this money again.”
“When I said let me think about it when he asked, I thought… hmmm can I afford to never see it again… Yes.”
“Will I ever lend him money again… no.”
“He’s a louse.”
“So, simply relinquish the debt and know it’s done.”
“Never mention again and when she asks again simply say- thank you for the opportunity however the deal doesn’t really work for me, I am going to pass.” ~ Few-Afternoon-6276
“NTA, you loaned her funds under the agreement you’d be paid back with inheritance funds.”
“The fact she has not and arbitrarily changed the agreement does not mean you lack empathy it means she is terrible with money and you should get that money back ASAP before she spends any more on her ‘situation.'”
“Empathy is irrelevant when it comes to money, unfortunately.” ~ Spoopyowo
“NAH. Perhaps I’m daft, but there’s nothing in that statement that makes me think they have money invested.”
“Frankly, she sounds broke and debt to their eyeballs.”
“Who knows, but all you have is you heard she has money in the market; that is just so starkly different from what she is saying.”
“Maybe she is lying.”
“Your financial standing is irrelevant here, but here’s is very relevant, and even if they are in the pit by their own failures, if they are in the pit they are in the pit.”
“It’s not that you should have more empathy, just just need more than hearsay than what she is saying which is basically, can’t get blood from a turnip.”
“Heck, you might want to consider suing her cause if businesses are near collapse bankruptcy is coming and you want to get in line.” ~ pottersquash
“The problem is that she and her husband went into debt to pay for a six-figure wedding after OP lent her the money.”
“At that point, they should have scaled back the bar package, cut an appetizer round, or had cheaper centerpieces to save the $3K so she could pay OP back.”
“She could have asked for either total or partial debt forgiveness as her wedding present.”
“She chose not to do that.”
“She chose not to pay him back when she said she would.”
“She chose not to set up a payment plan with him.”
“Who knows what she invested in and if it’s a pipe dream with a bogus promise of a payout (my gut instinct). NTA.” ~ MPBoomBoom22
“NTA. She won’t repay you, consider the 3K the payment for seeing her true character.”
“I’d consider cutting her off permanently.” ~ EnthusiasticPanic
“NTA. They had a 6 figure wedding. Enough said.” ~ Thermicthermos
“NTA. You can choose to forgive the debt as a ‘donation’ if that’s what you want to do, or wait if you want to, but her failing to fulfill her promise to repay you is her issue.”
“It also sounds like you’ve learned a sad and valuable lesson; do not ever front/lend money without the expectation that you may never get it back.” ~ JohnStalvern
“Yes, if OP really is a multi-millionaire, then I’d just write this off.”
“She never intended to pay this money back and never will (unless he takes legal action).”
“I think if I were OP, I’d keep the relationship going if it was generally a reasonable relationship but just never ‘loan’ money again.”
“The sister has shot herself in the foot here.”
“If she’d paid the money back, she may have been able to go back to the well again in the future. NTA.” ~ Classroom_Visual
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
It is perfectly normal to request your funds back.
Clearly, it was a bad choice to give her the money at all.
But you were trying to help family, so your heart was in the right place.
Maybe some legal action will make her pay attention.
Good luck.