Helping out our friends and family can be a dangerous prospect.
Of course, we always want to help our friends when they need it, simply because it seems like the right thing to do.
However, helping out a friend once might lead them to believe that they can consistently expect help from us, even when we aren’t capable of providing it.
Sometimes when friends ask for help, we learn far too late that they didn’t need our help as much as they let on.
Redditor babewcute’s roommate recently asked for their help, claiming they were in a sticky situation.
Wanting to be a good friend and roommate, the original poster (OP) was happy to oblige.
However, the OP later discovered that their roommate had not been completely honest with them, and they immediately revoked their help.
After being told by some of their friends that they overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to help my friend pay rent after she spent her money on concert tickets?”
The OP explained why they revoked their promise to help their roommate:
“Currently, I live in an apartment with my friend, and we split everything 50/50 — rent, utilities, etc.”
“It’s not a fancy apartment, but we make it work.”
“I am a student with a part-time job, and my friend works full-time.”
“Last week, rent was due.”
“The day before, she told me she couldn’t cover her half because her paycheck was short and asked if I could spot her until the next one.”
“I was kinda stressed but agreed to help her since it’s a one-time thing.”
“However, the next day I saw her Instagram story.”
“She was at a huge concert for one of her favorite artists.”
“I asked her about it, and she admitted she bought the tickets a month ago, and said she couldn’t pass up the chance and didn’t think her finances would be this tight by now.”
“I was furious and told her it wasn’t fair to make me cover rent while she’s out spending on luxuries.”
“She told me I was being harsh and that her experiences matter too, and I would’ve done the same.”
“I told her I wouldn’t because I actually budget for my responsibilities.”
“And I don’t overspend.”
“Now we haven’t talked in a few days because she thinks I’m being selfish and cold.”
“Some my friends say i should be more understanding because mental health matters and music is her escape.”
“I don’t want to be heartless, but I also don’t want to be someone’s safety net when they make poor choices.”
“AITA for refusing to cover her rent?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to cover their share of their roommate’s rent.
Everyone agreed that the issue was not so much that their roommate spent money on a concert, but instead that she lied to the OP, with some pointing out her tending to her “mental health” ended up negatively affecting the OP’s mental health.
“NTA.”
“She’s defensive because she got caught!”
“She’s mad at you because you called her out for spending money she didn’t have.”
“She needs to learn the old rule: keep half of your rent/mortgage payment amount from your 1st paycheck and put it aside.”
“Then, when you get paid again, add that half to half of your current paycheck and there you go: there’s your rent money.”
“Everything left over is for utilities, food, car insurance, gas, and whatever other bills you have.”
“If there’s anything left over after paying everything, THAT’S your spending money.”
“She should never spend money for entertainment or extras until her obligations have been met.”
“Even then, she should put a few dollars away in case of emergencies.”
“I hope she pays you back plus a little extra for interest.”
“Have her sign a little note in case you have to take her to a small claims court or something.”
“Write down something like this: ‘I, so-and-so promise to repay (your name) the amount of _____ .'”
“Then sign it first then have her sign it.”
“Put the date on it, too.”- LoveBeach8
“NTA.”
“She knew rent was coming up but still chose to blow her money on a concert, expecting you to clean up her mess.”
“That ain’t an experience that’s simply irresponsibility you ain’t her parent or her bank she gotta learn to prioritize.”- Younggod9
“NTA.”
“She took advantage of you and lied by omission.”
“If one of those friends cares about her mental health so much they should pay for her concert ticket.”- tinap3056
“NTA.”
“She prioritized a concert over rent.”
“That’s not a mental health thing.”
“That’s poor planning.”
“You’re not her safety net and not selfish.”- manylightg
“NTA.”
“Her escapes don’t have to cost the rent money.”
“She is irresponsible and wants you to bail her out.”- Odd_Task8211
“Mental health matters?”
“Yeah, so does OP’s mental health.”
“Her roommate is causing her financial stress, and that’s unfair.”
“Know what else matters?”
“Having a roof over your head.”
“If the roommate continues to neglect necessities and prioritize trivial things like concerts, she’ll be homeless.”
“I wonder what her mental health will be like then.”
“NTA.”
“I’d move or find a new roommate.”
“Don’t ever lend your roommate again.”
“Not even a penny.”- Katiew84
“NTA.”
“It’s not the messing up for me, it’s the lying.”
“She could have confessed that she was stupid with her money and she needs help and will pay you back, and you could’ve made your choice from there.”
“Instead she lied about the reason, and when confronted won’t even admit to making a mistake.”- exorcius
“Answering your question in the last line: no, absolutely 100% not.”
“What actually happened here is that she manipulated you into giving her a loan by lying — basically, if you do this to a person in the lending business, this is a fraud, clear and simple.”
“If all of this interaction were properly documented, in a lawsuit you roomie/friend would be toast in a second.”
“IOW, what she did was wrong, so wrong that we actually created laws around this kind of thing.”
“NTA.”
“Stand your ground here; if you capitulate to her manipulation, you will just be setting yourself up for more abuse in the future.”
“Don’t f*ck around with your finances, that sh*t can stay with you for a long long time.”- Sea_no_evil
“Oh, for crying out loud.”
“Your friends are stupid.”
“You pay your bills before you go play.”
“That’s what adults do.”
“You need a new roommate.”
“She basically has you covering her rent so she can go party.”
“NTA, but stand up for yourself.”- ivylass
“NTA.”
“You save money for luxuries; you don’t go into debt for them.”
“Yes, mental health matters, and yours is more important to you than hers.”
“Her dumping her debt onto you is certainly not good for YOUR mental health.”- Gigglemage
“NTA, attending a concert has nothing to do with mental health.”
“Nothing, don’t let ppl gaslight u into thinking that it does.”
“If she spent the money on counseling services or prescription medication, then she is taking care of her mental health.”
“Spending her rent money on a concert ticket was straight up irresponsible and selfish.”
“What if you did the same and neither of u had the tent money?”
“She could have streamed her favorite band and escaped through music.”- That_Cash_7469
“NTA.”
“It’s not about the concert.”
“it’s about trust.”
“You helped her thinking it was a real need, not a budgeting mistake.”
“Everyone deserves fun and mental health breaks, but not at the expense of someone else’s kindness.”
“If she needs support, honesty should come first.”- Available-Offer634
“NTA.”
“A trip around the world would help my mental health, but I don’t take one because I can’t afford it.”
“She’s using you to pay her rent while she blows her money on concerts she can’t afford.”
“You probably shouldn’t sign another lease with her.”- WatercoLorCurtain
“NTA.”
“Soooo…..you know any friends with a designer handbag or shoes?”
“Something that’s valued at about half the rent and friend would let you borrow for a day?”
“Cause Petty Me says to show up with it the day before rent is due and tell roommate she was right.”
“Luxuries do matter!”
“Shopping is your mental health escape, so you bought this amazing bag!”
“Oh, and she doesn’t mind covering rent, right?”
“Cause she of all people understands how important making yourself happy is.”
“Oh, and tell the ‘friends’ that when they pay your rent, they can decide if you’re being harsh.”
“But since you’re the one risking eviction and being homeless because of someone else’s bad decisions, kindly piss off.”- Sugar_Mama76
The OP’s roommate isn’t wrong to believe that everyone deserves to splurge on themselves for their mental health every now and then.
However, those splurges shouldn’t be made if it will prevent people from paying their rent and bills.
Nor should other people help cover those splurges.
Even so, the OP’s roommate likely would have saved herself a whole lot of trouble had she simply been honest in the first place.