Content Warning: Safety, Assault, Stalking, Pepper Spray
Too many people, especially women, know what it’s like to have to be mindful of their safety, protection, and routine when they go outside.
Otherwise, someone might try to take advantage of them, and they’ll have to defend themselves, cautioned the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Expert_Explorer_1009 had a regular running route and noticed a man who started to take her same path.
But during her latest run, when he followed her, talked to her, and attempted to touch her, the Original Poster (OP) panicked and used pepper spray to make him leave her alone.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for pepper-spraying a man at the park who wouldn’t leave me alone after I asked him to?”
The OP had a regular running routine that a man started to follow.
“I (21 Female) go for evening runs at my neighborhood park to de-stress.”
“A few days ago, I noticed a man (mid-40s) showing up at the same time as me. At first, I thought it was just a coincidence, but he never exercised just lingered around.”
“One day, he started following me on the trail, matching my pace without saying anything.”
“After a few minutes, he tried to strike up a conversation. I gave short answers, hoping he’d stop, but he kept pressing, asking personal questions like where I lived, if I was single, and how long I’d been coming to the park.”
“I told him clearly I wasn’t interested and asked him to give me space.”
The man continued to push the OP’s boundaries.
“He laughed it off and got even closer, invading my personal bubble.”
“I’ve had bad experiences before, and the way he ignored my boundaries triggered my anxiety.”
“When he reached out and tried to touch my shoulder, I panicked, pulled out my pepper spray, and used it.”
“He started yelling, and people nearby came to help, but I left quickly and went home.”
The OP later felt conflicted, wondering if she had overreacted.
“I told a few friends what happened. Some say I overreacted and should’ve just walked away.”
“Others say I had every right to protect myself.”
“So… was I wrong for reacting that way when he wouldn’t respect my space or listen to ‘no’?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she was NTA for using the pepper spray as a last resort.
“‘Walking away’ doesn’t work if he’s literally been following you. He was already following and matching your pace. Walk away WHERE?!”
“And it doesn’t work if he managed to grab you. NTA.” – Mmm_hummus
“She’s literally RUNNING away from this man! In no sane world would she be an AH.”
“I hope you got him really good, hun, because him trying to touch you is where it becomes borderline assaulting you! No touchy without consent. No means no. Leave me alone means leave me alone.”
“If this man kept poking a rattlesnake and got bit, would anyone have sympathy? No.” – Gimmemyspoon
“NTA. You told him you weren’t interested. You asked for space, and he tried to touch you. Your apprehension was reasonable, and so was your response.”
“Hopefully, he learned a lesson.” – Curious-One4595
“NTA, except you didn’t combine it with a swift kick to the balls, which is a shame.”
“You kept yourself safe, and you’ve given this creep a reason to think twice before he pulls this s**t with someone else.”
“So you helped yourself, and you’ve helped others. Definitely NTA.” – Plastic-Machine-9537
“NTA.”
“The guy knew exactly what he was doing. He kept escalating in the face of clear verbal and nonverbal indications that his behaviour was unwelcome, and he made physical contact. He was asking for some Mace to the face. No apologies necessary.” – whichwitchwhere
“I work in security, I do martial arts, and used to work for the army, all of those places say the best way to deal with those situations is to prevent them. Sure, you might feel bad for having to pepper spray a guy, but it’s better to feel bad than to be murdered or worse… NTA.” – Frost1203
“NTA. He’s clearly been stalking you. He then followed you onto a trail, cornered you, and tried to initiate physical contact against your consent.”
“After you had made it clear several times that you wanted nothing to do with him, to all of the guys defending this creep in the comments: want to know how you can avoid being pepper-sprayed?”
“Don’t act like a fucking serial killer, and don’t ever touch other people without their prior consent.” – rainaftermoscow
“NTA. No touchy touchy, no sprayie sprayie.”
“I hate people touching me, and if I don’t know yo,u I WILL embarrass us both, so good luck.” – Free-Expression7137
“NTA. That’s creepy as h**l. I don’t like close talkers or being touched, and a stranger doing both, Naw, I’d do the same thing. It sounds like you made your safety a priority and listened to your gut. Good! Never second-guess yourself. Stay safe.” – Fit-Feedback-5290
“Are you serious? Of course NTA, but please think why would you be possibly in the wrong for a creep that can’t respect boundaries?!”
“I don’t know why you think you could be in the wrong at all, or would you also ask yourself if things would have been worse and he would have grabbed you (or worse) if it was your fault? Hopefully not, so change the route you’re taking.” – Inside_Reply8929
“I used to run, but into the city, and then walk to work. It wasn’t always the safest area, but I had pepper spray. Anytime I had to bring it out, it was with the intent to use, not threaten. People ran when I pulled it out when they harassed me, never to bother me again.”
“I’m glad I didn’t have to spray, but I would have, because my life and safety are worth it. So are yours, OP. NTA.” – CuriousPenguinSocks
Others were angry on the OP’s behalf for being pressured to be “polite” and “considerate.”
“You only think you’re an a**hole because you’re a woman… We were raised to be polite. F**k politeness, pepper spray and all. You should be able to exist without being approached, followed, or questioned, period. NTA.” – lindzvench
“NTA. ‘Some say I overreacted and should’ve just walked away,’ which you’ve tried before to no avail. Did your ‘friends’ tell you how often and where you have to let creepy, potentially dangerous strangers touch you, before enough is enough?” – Very-last-boyscout
“Clearly, women can’t have nice things like safety or the ability to not be harassed while simply existing outside. Clearly, we need to be protected by big, strong men who don’t care about us as people, only want to use and hurt us. But we’re also supposed to cordial, so we don’t hurt the aggressor’s feelings?! Pfft.”
“She said NO. He ignored her and got even closer, and he was going to touch her!! He deserved to be pepper-sprayed.”
“No woman is ever wrong for putting her safety first. The big men who say they want to protect us only want to own us. We are not property.” – unexpectedcougar
“NTA. Ask them how far he is allowed to go before you defend yourself. You did try walking away, and he followed and then tried to put his hands on you. This bulls**t mentality your friends have is why girls end up dead.” – TheRealRedParadox
“It seems like there are a lot of bad friends out there. The first f**ker that tells me pepper-spraying this dude was an overreaction immediately becomes a former friend. It says a lot about a person who thinks OP is wrong for doing that. A lot of bad things.”
“NTA.” – Rabbit-Lost
“NTA. You were being stalked and harassed. I’m so sorry that happened and I’m sorry some of your friends are dumb. You were trying to walk away, and then he touched you. You shouldn’t second-guess yourself or apologize.” – cassowary32
“I’d get better friends and a different running route. Also, switch it up from time to time so people can’t memorize your route.” – EffectiveSet4534
“NTA. Far too many people fear overreacting instead of defending themselves. Some don’t live to regret it.”
“You did exactly what you needed to do when you felt threatened. He overstepped his boundaries and threatened yours.”
‘Those ‘friends’ who say you overreacted clearly don’t understand the situation, nor do they care to understand it. They can go pound sand.”
“You protected yourself.” – Precipice_01
“OP, you are NTA and you need to file a police report PRONTO.”
“On one side, you want to get your statement in before this individual has a chance to claim you used your spray in a non-self-defense capacity.”
“Second, you may not have been the only person he has done this to, and this will hopefully put him in the spotlight.” – 530_Oldschoolgeek
“For all I care, it should’ve been bear spray.”
“Since you’re down to full on pepper spray his face, which I greatly admire, next time run to a place where there are other people then stop near them, turn to look at him and say out Loudly ‘STOP talking to me you’re too OLD,’ it’s not pepper spray, but it will effectively shattering his ego in front of everyone putting him in his place.”
“Alternatively, stop at a nearby group of people, go to them, and say, ‘Please help, this guy is stalking me and harassing me.'”
“The main priority is securing yourself, finding safety if it’s possible (safe people), and then Speak UP.”
“You are not the a**hole; you did great.” – Playful_Ganach_3781
Though the OP felt conflicted about using the pepper spray, the subReddit was grateful that she kept herself safe and defended herself when the man made her uncomfortable.
The fact that he was using the same path and wanted to know more about her immediately was enough of a red flag, but the fact that he invaded her space and attempted to touch her was much worse.