Meeting the parents is a rite of passage in a relationship. It may not always go how you want, but so long as the couple stand strong together, it shouldn’t affect the relationship.
But some people care more about what their parents think rather than the love and comfort of their partner. This can lead to issues in the relationship.
Redditor letmebeinpeaceaita encountered this issue when her boyfriend asked her to wear makeup when meeting his parents.
But the original poster (OP) has sensitive skin and finds it taxing to wear makeup. So she asked the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) board if she was wrong to embarrass him by not wearing makeup.
“AITA for not wearing makeup to meet my boyfriend’s family?”
The story went:
“I feel like an a**hole for embarrassing my boyfriend today.
My skin is very sensitive, I’m allergic to quite a few ingredients in typical makeup, and when I do wear it, I only can wear brands such as Clinique, which is far from cheap, and I’m a college student who doesn’t have all the money to spend on such expensive makeup.
Anyway, today was the day I met my boyfriend’s parents, we’ve been dating for about 8 months now.”
“My boyfriend asked me this morning to put in some effort and do my makeup to look good for his parents.”
“I explained that I can put on some eyeliner/mascara but that my skin is feeling more sensitive than usual and would prefer to stay away from foundation and any powders. He took that personally and asked if I don’t want to make myself look presentable and put together.
“This is where I’m probably the a**hole, but I stood firm and didnt apply any other makeup to my face (just the eyes) and since we were going to be running late if we didn’t leave ASAP, he let it go and we went on our way, the drive was really awkward.”
“Though the meeting went well, when we returned he was very cold towards me, and said he’s disappointed with me and that my behaviour was that of a self-centered a**hole.”
“AITA for not wearing make-up and upsetting my boyfriend?”
On the AITA subReddit, people post stories to be judged for their actions with one of the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Despite the way OP felt about standing firm on not wearing makeup, it did not make her the jerk here.
“Girl, no. You are NTA. No room for ‘maybe’ or ‘probably’. Just no.”
“First of all, there’s a clear as day difference between putting in an effort without wearing a full face of makeup and being a slob who didn’t put any effort at all. The lack of makeup does not mean you didn’t try otherwise.”
“Even if your skin wasn’t sensitive, he has NO right to act like this. Why do you need a full face of makeup to satisfy his parents? That’s a joke. He needs a reality check.” – tinyqueenb
“If you are applying make up for anyone other than yourself, you’re doing it wrong. It is your face. You are allowed to present it in any way you see fit so long as YOU are comfortable with it.”
“Skip the make up, ditch the boyfriend, I say. This is not a person you want to tie yourself to for the long haul. NTA is not a strong enough rating for how nta you were.” – slydog4100
“NTA. Red flags all over.”
“I wasn’t even worried about what my girlfriend wore when we met my mom. That’s my girlfriend, I’m just introducing for the formality, not because I give a f*** what my parents think.” – the805daddy
“NTA. not wearing makeup doesnt make you unpresentable?? on what planet would it? your boyfriend sounds like an AH.”
“any decent boyfriend would prioritize your comfortablity and tell you were making an effort to look nice and make an effort for them. that, and he’d think you were fine as you are, makeup or no.” – ur-humble-overlord
“Holy sh**. NTA, and this guy sounds toxic honestly.”
“Makeup is 100% your choice. If you have a skin sensitivity and don’t want to wear it, he should respect that, no questions asked. He should not have pressured you in the first place. He should ABSOLUTELY not have made you feel bad about it later.”
“I would take a serious look at whether you want to be in a relationship with this guy. Right now it’s makeup, but there are thousands of future decisions you will have to make (together and individually). You deserve someone who will respect your opinion.” – Most_Poet
Other commenters couldn’t believe that OP’s boyfriend would push her so hard to wear makeup when it’s clear she was uncomfortable doing so.
They joked the boyfriend should have been the one to wear it.
“INFO. Did he put on makeup to see them? If no, it’s a sexist double standard.”
“Being clean and presentable, with appropriate clothes, is one thing. Makeup is optional.” – authoranxiety
“And how much was his father wearing? OP has every right to be offended that his parents didn’t put any effort into meeting her.” – ohno_spaghetti_o
“New rating suggestion: DT – Dump Them”
“But since that doesn’t exist, NTA.” – 0biterdicta
“Buy a blow up doll. Cover its face with makeup. Tell him to take her to meet his parents.”
“Then dump him.” – Specific_Variation_4
“There are two types of men in this world: the ones who tell you that you are beautiful without makeup, and those that ask you to put on makeup so you can be presentable to his parents.”
“Ask yourself which type of man you want to be with.” – Echo_Romeo571
While sacrifices should be made in a relationship for the sake of your partner, these need to be balanced out with the needs and comfort of both parties. Couples should communicate, which doesn’t just involve talking, but listening and empathizing as well.
Maybe OP’s boyfriend will learn to better care for his girlfriend before he loses her.