There’s a really fine line between joking around and being a jerk when those jokes involve mocking each other.
I won’t say people can never mock each—my Sisters and I poke fun at each other all the time. But we’re siblings with a bond we don’t share with anyone else.
If an outsider tried making the same jokes, they’d have three angry women to contend with. It’s all about the relationship between the people.
A person who felt insjlted rather than amused by a friend’s jabs turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Fit-Cress4507 asked:
“AITA for telling my friend that most women would not marry him & mocking his minimum-wage job?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I am a short guy, around 5’4 to 5’5. In my thirties. My friend Ian is around 6’1.”
“I’d met him some time back at an event & although he’s really good-looking, he works as a waiter at a restaurant. On the other hand I make quite a lot to put it mildly.”
“Ian has a girlfriend, Julia. We were hanging out at his place yesterday along with some of his other friends.”
“I am a teetotaler & absolutely loathe alcohol, but the others were getting drunk and began to make ‘jokes’. One of the jokes was about how short I was, and am still single.”
“Ian said ‘Dude, I am not surprised that you are still single, you are really short and most women would pass on you immediately’. The others laughed, including Julia.”
“I was momentarily startled, but then snapped ‘At least I don’t struggle to make ends meet and work a minimum-wage job’. I added ‘Most women won’t consider you marriage material, by the way’.”
Ian got extremely mad & began to argue with me, and so did the others. We had a huge verbal sparring. I asked them to f**k off & in the end left the place.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“Perhaps I shouldn’t have mocked the fact that he’s poor which puts me in the wrong here.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The majority of Redditors voted the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Drunk or not, he started it, so he definitely deserved such a reply. Alcohol brings out what’s hidden within you, so Ian definitely meant what he said about you.”
“It sounds like you both shouldn’t hang out with each other, as it seems like your friends are manipulative and hypocritical. It will only get more toxic for you in the long run.” ~ RecordingFun1642
“It may sound immature, but ‘Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it’ is a rule many people should remember. If you’re teasing somebody (especially about something they can’t control), they just might tease you back, and it may be about something you’re sensitive about.”
“Also, he’s just straight up wrong—many short men get a lot of interest from women. Sure, there are some women who won’t date a short man, just like there are men who won’t date women who aren’t model perfect.”
“But the only time I’ve seen short men who can’t find a girlfriend, they’re usually incredibly focused on their height, and if they just chilled out and approached women normally, they’d be completely fine.”
“I have no idea if OP has had issues finding a date, but he’s probably going to do a lot better if he stops hanging out with guys like this who are digging into his (potential) insecurities.” ~ haleorshine
“NTA. You hit them with the line that always works, ‘I may be short, but you’re still broke’. Smug a**holes like them always hate that sh*t because the truth hurts.”
“Good riddance to all of them I hope you find a better class of friends because they weren’t it.” ~ Know_1_7777777
“NTA. Don’t dish out what you can’t take in. I’m also short, 5’ 7”. That caused me some confidence issues when I was in high school, but I quickly found that height is important to some women, but not to many.”
“My wife is a few inches shorter than I am, and it works out great for us. You hit below the belt, but you weren’t wrong, and he crossed that line first.”
“If this was an isolated incident, maybe you both can apologize and be friends again. But if he has a pattern of disrespecting you, consider if you even want him as a friend.” ~ WilsIrish
“Petty? Sure. NTA however. Thats a legit FAFO moment. Good for you.” ~ EntrepreneurAmazing3
“NTA and do yourself a favour. These people are not your friends. You’re the sh*t end of the stick for this group and the verbal punching bag.”
“I’m sure they are fine when it’s one on one right? But the second it’s the pack, you’re the odd one out.”
“I had a group of friends like this. Cut them all off immediately once I finished school. Been 13 years since I last saw any of them.”
“If this is a pattern that you see regularly, then just leave and don’t come back.” ~ grilled_pc
“NTA. Let’s see shorter guy with a stable job or tall guy working minimum wage that likes to get drunk and belligerent. What a tough choice.” ~ Top_Detective9184
“NTA. That dude is not your friend.”
“There are lots of women out there who will date short guys. Just be confident and kind. That’s all most women want.” ~ LookAwayPlease510
“NTA. He was drunk and made what he thought was a joke at your expense. You soberly and viciously laid bare his insecurities in front of his girlfriend.”
“The very definition of f*ck around and find out (FAFO).” ~ pokederp56
But many thought everyone sucked (ESH).
“ESH—the ‘although he’s good looking, he’s a waiter’ says it all.” ~ Low-Inevitable-7
“Obviously you’re an a**hole. But beyond that, your insult kinda rings hollow when you’re single and he’s not. Really bad look. ESH.” ~ AlfredoDG133
“You’re both idiots. Him for mocking your height, and you for stating that his financial situation makes him unworthy.”
“Also, while I don‘t condone drunkenness, the fact that you stated that you’re ‘a teetotaler and absolutely loathe alcohol’ reeked of superiority.”
“To be honest, I would rather be married to someone who is honest, ethical, has morals…. Basically, someone decent that I could trust with my life.
“I have no interest in someone wealthy, and arrogant. It’s a real turn off, and maybe that’s why you’re single.” ~ Dontblink-S3
“You’re an a**hole because you clearly have a holier-than-thou view on service workers, but Ian is also an a-hole. ESH.” ~ calgrump
“ESH. Ian’s a d*ck, but it sounds like you’re single for reasons other than your height.” ~ Nobody7713
“ESH, but mostly Ian. He can dish it out but he can’t take it. While your response wasn’t the most mature, he definitely had it coming.”
“Remember that drinking alcohol drops inhibitions, so the drunk Ian showed you who he really is. Might be time to reevaluate that ‘friendship’.”
“And of course you know he’s wrong—plenty of guys who are not tall have fantastic long-lasting relationships and marriages.” ~ PhoenixRisingToday
“ESH. Your friend for commenting on your height, and you for doing the same on their financial situation.”
“Bear in mind that you probably won’t get any taller, but they could get into a better financial situation at some point in the future…” ~ Adventurous_Byte
“ESH. ‘You’re short’ ‘oh yeah? Well, you’re poor’. What kind of kindergarten bullsh*t is this?” ~ terrorkat
“ESH. Ian clearly has negative opinions about you, and voiced them while drunk. Can’t imagine what else he thinks about you, and may have kept to himself.”
“On the flip side, what a nasty thing to say to Ian? Like yes, he deserved it because he came at you first, but wow, shows how you feel about your other friends in similar jobs.”
“If I were another waiter, or similarly paid, in your friend group I’d be put off by that comment. Waiters can make BANK, especially in upscale restaurants.”
“You two should not be friends, you clearly dislike each other.” ~ pettypotata
“ESH. An eye for an eye? I don’t think you were as big of an AH as he was, but that doesn’t really make your actions right either.” ~ Honest-Sector-4558
“ESH. You’re shallow and you hang around shallow people. Short and poor men get married every day.” ~ OkSecretary1231
“Man, ESH. Like all of you, or at least the both of you.”
“He’s T-A for the short crack, any way you slice it.”
“You’re T-A for disparaging his earnings.”
“And you’re both massively T-A for perpetuating these awful stereotypes that all or most women value height and/or income so highly as to completely pass on guys just for being shorter or not making enough.”
“THAT BEING SAID, I mean, he has a girlfriend, and you don’t, so…” ~ Three-Pegged-Hare
“ESH. This sounds like you all just graduated grade school, not that you’re in your thirties. Time to grow up.” ~ MatterLopsided8231
“ESH: Ian shouldn’t dish it out if he can’t take it.”
“That said, your post is conspicuously lacking of any mention of how you didn’t really mean what you said, but were just grasping for a comeback against some ballbusting that went below the belt.”
“Anyone who sincerely believes that wealth goes hand in hand with being worthy of love is an a**hole.” ~ Pedantic_Inc
While some thought anything is fair game when someone mocks your physical appearance, others thought attacking someone’s income was equally vile.
But pretty much everyone agreed. With friends like these, who needs enemies?