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Redditor Returns Handbag Gifted By Husband So Rude Sales Assistant Won’t Get The Commission

two women looking at a red bag
Tom Werner/Getty Images

I’ve worked for commissions before when selling appliances. My retail skills were always highly praised by my employer, so I don’t think I behaved any differently when commissions were on the line.

But I definitely had coworkers that judged a lot of books by their covers. For example, my two coworkers ignored the older man in worn Dickie’s work clothes.

Turns out he owned numerous high-end elderly housing complexes and was replacing all the washers and dryers. My coworkers had regrets and I had more than one substantial commission check—he’d only buy the many appliances he needed from me after that.

A woman who experienced poor customer service turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Wildkoala9009 asked:

“AITA for returning the bag my husband bought me because I didn’t want the rude sales assistant to get commission?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“I’ve never experienced a sales assistant being so rude to me before, so maybe I overreacted here, but last week I was looking for a birthday gift.”

“There was only one free sales assistant and I could tell she didn’t want me to approach her as she was intentionally avoiding eye contact and walking away when I was close.”

“I waited 10 minutes in the hopes that another sales assistant would be free, but they weren’t and it was getting late, so I approached the original sales assistant.”

“She pretty much brushed me off without helping me, so I went back to browsing on my own as my husband was going to meet me there.”

“When my husband arrived her entire demeanour changed and she suddenly wanted to do her job.”

“I was looking at a bag that I would’ve bought for myself if it wasn’t for the rude sales assistant.”

“My husband asked me if I wanted to get it, but I said no as the rude sales assistant would’ve been the one to benefit from the commission as by this point she had come over and was offering to help us.”

“A few days later my husband surprised me with the exact same bag. I asked him if he got it from the same place and if it was the same sales assistant who had helped him.”

“It was, so I told him I wanted to return it. He knows she was rude and dismissive when I tried to ask her for help, but he still didn’t want me to return the bag as he said I would be missing out because of a random stranger.”

“To him the commission isn’t a big deal, but I don’t think she should benefit after how rude she was. If he had bought the bag with a different sales assistant I would’ve kept it but since he didn’t, I returned it.”

“Now he’s upset because I returned his gift.”

“AITA?”

The OP summed up their situation.

“I returned the bag my husband bought me.”

“The reason I returned it was so the sales assistant wouldn’t get commission from the sale and not because I didn’t like the bag.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided there were no a**holes here (NAH) between the OP and their husband.

“NAH. I don’t think your husband is an a**hole for not getting why you are annoyed and want to return. He in theory did something nice, he got you a bag you wanted.”

“But I don’t think you are an a**holoe for wanting to return it. Because even if you previously wanted the bag, you don’t now.”

“To me it wouldn’t just be about the commission (though that would be part of it), but after having a horrible interaction with the sales associate the whole bag would be tainted.”

“I wouldn’t be able to look at it without thinking of the interaction and the stress it caused me and feeling a little bit sad or annoyed, especially when I knew she got the commission.”

“Your husband wanted to get you a lovely gift. Unfortunately that bag from that person is no longer a lovely gift, but he wasn’t to know, so I feel like neither of you are a**holes.” ~ CheerilyTerrified

“NAH, except the sales assistant. Talk to the manager and repurchase the gift from another assistant (if they deserve the commission).”

“Make sure the manager knows how the assistant treated a customer. She was way out of line.”

“But if you repurchase it from someone else, problem solved. Then your husband can’t complain.” ~ Careless_Channel_641

“NAH I guess, but pick your battles. I’m not sure why you would be so worked up over this.”

“Working retail sucks so ya, that lady probably hates her job. Your husband did nothing wrong, why punish him for it?” ~ MAXMEEKO

“NAH. Instead of returning the bag, reach out to the GM of the store and explain your experience and disappointment with the conduct of the salesperson.” ~ Humble_Pen_7216

“If you didn’t want to deal with that sales associate, ask her (or walk the store and ask another associate) for a different associate that isn’t her. Even better, ask for a supervisor and report her sh*tty work ethic.”

“You might even get a discount for the trouble. And if you had asked in front of her for a different associate, she would probably learn a lesson faster from having her commission go to someone else right in front of her face rather than letting her effectively win in this situation and just not getting the thing that makes you happy.”

“Also, you’re giving too much thought and energy to this person (who definitely deserves to miss out on commission or at least have her bad behavior addressed) and letting it ruin a bag you like and a nice, thoughtful gesture from your husband.”

“She won’t think of you again, I guarantee it; and the fact that she dismissed you and didnt try to make a sale shows she cares less about the commission than you do (and you don’t even work there).”

“I would get the bag being ‘tainted’ if she was aggressive with you, insulted you verbally, claimed dishonor on your mother, father, and your cow, etc… But there was none of that, she just brushed you off…you really think that in a year you’ll be thinking about this experience with this handbag and that associate?”

“Doubt it. Next year you’ll have a new handbag and be swapping this one out.”

“NAH, but you should work on not letting people get to you so much; it’s spoiling other experiences for you (and those around you).” ~ Kelsusaurus

A significant number went with the OP was not the a**hole (NTA), but many didn’t specify if that meant OP’s husband was.

“NTA. I would go back to the establishment. Find a different sales associate and return the bag. Then immediately buy the bag from the new sales associate.”

“Old associate loses a commission and new friendly associate gets a commission. You have the bag you want and petty revenge.”

“Everyone is a winner except the rude associate.” ~ Nanabanafofana

“NTA—I would have done the same thing on principle. My husband knows me very well, and had we experienced this together (like you did), he would have gone back and made sure it was a different salesperson.”

“I myself worked in retail for many years as a sales clerk and as a store manager. That behavior is unacceptable and one of the reasons many folks dislike shopping in-store rather than online.”

“I went into a store with my sister in 2019, who is larger, and she was at the front of the store looking at dresses. I was in the back of the store, where I listened to the 2 salespeople disparage my sister for being fat and saying that she shouldn’t be in the store.”

“I placed my items on the counter, told them they were disgusting, and then walked out with MY SISTER—so they could see I was with her.”

“I also gave them a TERRIBLE online review for fat shaming AND have never spent a penny there SINCE, ON PRINCIPLE.” ~ banjadev

“NTA. That associate deserves to lose the sale. Speak to the store manager ASAP.”

“My mom and my mother-in-law (MIL) became good friends after my husband and I got engaged. My mom flew from Alabama to Arizona just to meet her when she visited from the UK, and they paired up and left me and my husband in the dust.”

“One day, they went out shopping together and were looking at expensive purses, my MIL a bit away from my mom. The salesperson thought my mom couldn’t afford the purses and refused to help her.”

“But then my MIL came over. The moment the salesperson heard her British accent, she was all over her.”

“My MIL, though, had seen the whole thing go down, informed the lady that she and my mom were together and they turned their backs on the lady and walked out.”

“That idiot salesperson missed out on two guaranteed large purchases that day.”

“My mom and MIL stayed good friends until my MIL passed away four years ago. A photo of them during that trip was used on her funeral program.” ~ savvyliterate

The OP got an assortment of advice, but most people agreed the return was justified.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.