Wedding invitations can be an incredibly sticky subject, especially when the happy couple has selected a small, intimate location in which seating will be limited.
In situations like this, it’s reasonable that the happy couple would invite the most meaningful people in their lives and not new acquaintances, but sometimes, people cannot accept that, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Impressive_Be was looking forward to marrying their fiancée in an intimate setting, including their closest family and friends.
But the Original Poster (OP)’s single father was insistent about receiving a plus-one invitation, even if it meant rushing him to pop the question to make his date more valid.
He asked the sub:
“Am I the a**hole for not wanting to invite my dad’s new fiancée to our wedding?”
The OP and their future wife were being mindful about their wedding plans.
“I’m getting married in a few months in a very intimate setting with fewer than 75 guests.”
“Both our sets of parents are divorced and single.”
“At the start of our wedding planning, we agreed that none of the parents would have a plus-one since none of them were in a relationship at the time.”
That was fine to everyone, until the OP’s dad started dating someone new.
“About four months ago, after our guest list was finalized and save-the-dates were mailed, my dad started dating someone.”
“The day we met his new girlfriend, he asked if she could attend as his plus-one and offered us $50 (which is only a fraction of the cost per person).”
“Keep in mind, this is the third serious girlfriend we’ve met within the last year.”
“We told him, ‘At this time, we aren’t sure if we can accommodate her, since RSVPs haven’t been confirmed yet.'”
“A few weeks later, he asked again, and we gave him the same answer.”
The OP’s dad continued to push the issue.
”Things were quiet for a while, so we assumed he was respecting our decision.”
“However, a few weeks ago, his girlfriend texted my fiancée, asking what color she should wear to the wedding.”
“We were shocked! We sent a polite reply, reiterating that we still didn’t know if she could attend because the guest list remained unconfirmed.”
“She never replied, but my dad texted me days later, saying he ‘didn’t want to create drama, but he really wants her there.'”
“We repeated the same stance, and he simply said, ‘Ok.'”
Then the OP’s dad did something no one expected to try to lock in that plus-one invitation.
”Then, about a week later, he sent me a photo of her hand with an engagement ring and the message, ‘I did a thing.'”
“They have been together for a maximum of four months, and if they do marry, this will be his third marriage.”
“Am I wrong for still not wanting a near-stranger at our intimate wedding?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were tough on the OP and urged them to give a direct answer.
“YTA for not just giving him a straight answer.” – Krystle_memes_
“OP said, ‘Things were quiet, so I thought they were respecting our decision,’ but OP never gave dad their decision!”
“Obviously, they’re hoping dear old dad will just get the hint, but the problem is, he has, and he’s upped the stakes by making her his fiancée so that OP can’t say, ‘Well, she’s not a serious partner.'”
“OP, you caused this situation by not being honest. You need to tell your dad in no uncertain terms that she is not welcome and be ready for dad to throw a fit or be hurt.” – BookQueen13
“YTA for not telling people stuff STRAIGHT.”
“If someone says, ‘I need to check with the guest list and venue,’ that is all fine and well, but if you say that, you usually do that and get back with the people asking within a few days. And MONTHS ago, you could usually squeeze in one person more, and with that amount of people (dunno, 75 is really not that ultimate), there will be people that can’t come, so that his plus-one will be able to attend.”
“That is why you tell people no if you want them not to come. You tell them no and the reason, and not hope they get the vibe from a non-answer.” – daskleinemi
“‘We need to check the guest list because we haven’t started receiving replies’ is what you say in the moment.”
“After that, you confront dear ol’ Dad when he’s alone, stating: ‘Thanks, Dad, for making things awkward with a stranger. I know you’re dating her, but asking for an invite in front of her is passive-aggressive and really disrespectful to Mom, who’s coming solo. The answer is no. You get to explain why to her.'”
“At this point, your best bet is to allow her to come, and find a really hot guy to escort your Mom and pay lavish yet tasteful attention to her during the reception. Someone who’ll be a gentleman and not rise to any bait or barbs your Dad may have. Because the ask for the invite and the ring on her finger really feels like oneupsmanship on his part.” – That_Ol_Cat
“NTA for not wanting her there, but YTA for failing to communicate that.”
“What you told her and your dad amounted to ‘maybe,’ not a hard no, so of course, they kept asking.”
“OP, you left the door open. That’s on you. Ask your dad to pay the full price for his fiancée if you aren’t going to do the hard thing and say no, and let your mom bring someone.” – 123randomname456
Others agreed that the OP needed to be direct, but also called them NTA for wanting to stick to their original plan.
“NTA. No plus one for parents. End of it.” – ImaginationTop5390
“No plus-one for the single parents was the rule from the beginning of the planning. OP and their significant other have likely been planning the budget for more than four months and can’t gift (or front, if that matters) money to an unknown gf guest just because daddy said so. What’s he gonna do? Not attend, or bring her as an awkward wedding crasher?”
“Not fair that your mom might not have enough time to fall in love and have a relationship in time for the wedding, and now she has to watch her petty ex-husband slob all over this woman on a day that’s supposed to be looked back on fondly.”
“I’m pretty sure a lot of my pantry items are more than four months old, so in my shoes, that relationship would mean jack-shit to me, and I’d be thinking, ‘Nah,’ as well.” – Budorpunk
“Best case scenario: Your mom and dad both were not dating anyone at the time invitations were sent out, so maybe he wanted to show up your mom by showing up with a date while she was there alone… And when you refused to give a new girlfriend an invitation, he gave her a fiancée upgrade, thinking that would fix the issue.”
“Worst case scenario: Your dad is addicted to dating and to being married, but cannot actually handle the commitment, and so doesn’t STAY married. But at the moment, he’s REALLY into this girl and wanted her there to share your special day, a special moment for a loving dad, with him. And then he wanted to use your dad to pop the question at the reception while all of his closest family members, and his ex-wife (who just can’t live a meaningful life without him! look at her, single!), are present to watch.”
“NTA, OP. Big or small wedding, you ALWAYS have the choice of who you invite and how you handle plus-one invitations. Her being brand new would give nearly anyone pause. But his insistence and rushing this engagement SCREAM red flags at me, and I’m glad it at least all took place before the wedding. But be ready for her to show up, whether you say yes or not, and for her to be shocked, because your dad lied to her and said it was good to come, just like it was good to shop for that dress.”
“Again, NTA.” – TheBookishAndTheBard
“Just tell him NO!! You and your fiancée already made a rule for both sets of parents not to bring a plus-one, so stick to that rule and tell him NO.”
“It feels too plausible that your father would treat your wedding as an engagement party for him and the woman he didn’t even know five months ago.”
“The whole focus would shift away from the bride and groom, and onto dad and his flavor of the month date!!” – LesDrama611
“Slight YTA only because you were vague and danced around the answer despite knowing what you actually wanted, and now you might have to bite the bullet.”
“I totally understand not wanting a stranger at your wedding, though. When he asked, you should have said, ‘Sorry, as the invitation stated no plus-ones. We have a finalized guest list and have planned accordingly. This rule is not exclusive to you; it applies to the rest of our parents as well. We appreciate your gf’s well wishes, and we’ll plan a dinner or something so we have the chance to catch up with you and get to know her.'”
“Also, I don’t know if your dad or her are the type of people to do this, but I’d be a little worried they’d announce their engagement at your wedding too. I mean, hopefully they’re not like that, but I’ve heard horror stories.” – Dangerous_Cow_7372
It’s always difficult to tell loved ones “no,” especially in sensitive situations like weddings and inviting additional people, but the best thing for the OP to do is to be honest about what they want and stick with it.
Even if their dad’s new partner ended up being the woman he’d spend the rest of his life with, they’d only just started dating, so there’d be consequences to both of them attending or sitting this one out.