Some people have big dreams for their big weddings.
There are so many details, big and small, to think about.
All of this process takes… MONEY.
Weddings are expensive.
The bigger the wedding, the smaller the bank account.
So that’s why it hurts when parents take back their initial offers to take care of it.
Redditor Ill_Weird_8322 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to go to my sister’s wedding because I never got my dream wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“All while growing my parents would talk up my and my sister’s weddings.”
“They said that their wedding was by far one of the best days of their lives, and they wanted to be able to give that to their kids.”
“So all this time while growing up, they had binders and savings accounts purely to plan our dream, no matter the cost, we could enact our visions.”
“Fast forward to last year when me and my now wife got engaged, and I went to my parents to begin planning the wedding.”
“They sat me down and explained that COVID and the economy in recent years have disrupted business quite badly, and things weren’t looking great, and they wouldn’t be able to afford it. “
“I was heartbroken, but I understood, and we instead had a low-key affair.”
“Fast forward to yesterday, after my little sister got engaged, my family and my wife, and my sister’s fiancé went out to celebrate, and the topic of the wedding came up, and my mum pulled out the binder and started talking up her wedding.”
“Talking about all the extravagant things they would do.”
“I didn’t say anything, but I slowly kinda realised that it didn’t really make sense that they could afford her wedding and not mine.”
“When we got home, I confronted my mum, and she kinda dodged it and went, ‘Maybe it’s for the best you had a more intimate wedding considering the circumstances.'”
“I asked what that meant, and she shrugged me off.”
“When my sister approached me to ask if I’d like to be her M[aid] o[f] H[onor], I flat out told her that I wasn’t going to her wedding and explained why.”
“She got upset and told me that I was making her day about me and to grow up.”
“And honestly, at this point, I do really feel like a d**k, and now she refuses to speak to me.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“It’s giving homophobia and using COVID as an excuse.” ~ hxroldtheyrelesbians
“Sorry you had to find out this way, but your whole family are bigots.”
“Your parents didn’t fully approve of your marriage; that’s why they wouldn’t follow through with the life-long planning they had hyped up to you.”
“And your sister refused to be your M[aid]-O[f]-H[onor] because she also did not approve of you having a wife.”
“NTA solely because I think you’re gonna have a lot of unpacking to do here.” ~ literacyshmiteracy
“NTA, OP, and you should edit your original post to include that your sister wouldn’t be in your wedding party because she was ‘uncomfortable.'” ~ Allaboutbird
“Yeah, before that, I was thinking it wasn’t the sister’s fault they didn’t pay for OP’s wedding, but if she refused to be in the wedding party, that makes a huge difference.” ~ holymacaroley
“NTA. OP’s parents promised this and reneged due to their homophobia.”
“How your sister can feel good about this is insane.”
“I’d never have a lavish all-out wedding when my sibling got sh*t because she was a lesbian.”
“This is on sister, too, in my opinion.” ~ draynaccarato
“Yeah, agree.”
“Not sure if sister is homophobic or just a bit self-centered (not enough detail and a lot of commenters assuming sister is unproblematic), but honestly, she can’t be that surprised – unless this is the first time favoritism has been called out.”
“Being in a wedding anyway is not a summons, and if OP wants new boundaries, that is their right. NTA.” ~ SwooshSwooshJedi
“NTA, even if they were seemingly ok with your relationship as a concept, getting married made it concrete that you are a lesbian, forever and ever.”
“That’s why they didn’t fund it.”
“‘Considering the circumstances’ means that your mother didn’t want to fund a wedding that her friends and family disagreed with.” ~ IAmTAAlways
“Your parents are bigots and didn’t want to pay for a gay wedding.”
“They are definitely a**holes, but don’t take it out on your sister.” ~ LibraryDiligent8266
“I fear that any y t a s are missing the homophobic, bigoted point.”
“Fully NTA that your parents refused to give you your dream wedding, and shame on your sister for glossing over that part just because SHE’S getting hers.” ~ PreviousPin597
“NTA. I would say that you shouldn’t take it out on your sister for your parents’ a**hole behavior, but your edit to say she refused to be your maid of honor means she’s just as homophobic as they are, and they can all suck it.”
“It would help, though, if you could confirm that you are a same sex couple, as I’m only inferring at the moment.”
“If this isn’t about homophobia, then they are still a**holes, but for some other reason.”
“Either way, they don’t sound like the kind of family I would choose to keep around.”
“How do they treat your wife?” ~ 21stcenturycatlady
“Since the mother has threatened inheritance, I think OP should consider calling the bluff and tell her mother that she will play nice and deal with their homophobic feelings as long as the inheritance is proportional to how much they spend on the sister’s wedding compared to hers.”
“In writing.”
“Since she brought it up.” ~ GoodPiexox
“NTA. I disagree with all the comments saying your sister has done nothing wrong.”
“I’m sure your sister knew VERY well why your parents didn’t pay for your wedding.”
“I also bet that she knew when they denied you that your fund would be transferred to her when the time came.”
“Your sister never advocated for you.”
“She selfishly benefited from the homophobia.”
“Your whole family sucks, and I am SO sorry!”
“You don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”
“Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for prioritizing your mental wellbeing.” ~ cementfeatheredbird_
“NTA. Don’t people read to the end?”
“It says her sis refused to be her Maid of Honor because she wasn’t comfortable, which strongly implies OP was treated differently because her family (and her sister) are homophobic and Covid was just an excuse.” ~ DesperateCarpet4526
“NTA. You should update your main post to reflect that your sister wouldn’t participate in your wedding.”
“I mean, your main beef is indeed with your parents, but I don’t see any support coming from your sister over the fact that you got shafted, so she could at least be a little bit more understanding of your hurt.” ~ NoExplanation7119
“NTA. Your sister refused to be in your bridal party, with the excuse of being ‘uncomfortable.'”
“I personally feel like you might be under-reacting, actually.” ~ bluebelle_babe
“Name and shame.”
“Your parents let homophobia dictate their decision about your wedding.”
“Unless your sister is very young and oblivious, she must have known what was happening.”
“She should have been more sensitive to your feelings after your parents’ bigoted behavior.”
“Send a message to the family text, or a group email, specifically stating that they are homophobic.”
“Don’t let them get away with ‘polite’ prejudice.”
“Next time you and your wife go to a family event, be as flagrantly sapphic as you want. NTA.” ~ misfitpomegranate
“Reading between the lines because you don’t outright say it, but is this because you think they’re being homophobic?”
“If yes, the NTA, because it definitely seems like that’s the case, I’m just not sure why you wouldn’t include that in the post.” ~ wheres_the_revolt
“NTA – If it were just a matter of your parents playing favorites, I would say it’d be nice not to take out your frustration on your sister.”
“In that scenario, I think the people saying that they’d expect your sister to decline all wedding funding in solidarity would be being unrealistic.”
“However, as many people have pointed out, it seems pretty clear that this is all happening because your parents are homophobic.”
“And unfortunately, it sounds like your sister is too.”
“You are on 100% solid ground declining to participate.”
“Every time that your parents or sister try to guilt you about this, you have every right to directly tell them that because they’re clearly not comfortable with your identity and your relationship, you’re not comfortable doing anything for them.” ~ Inevitable-Spirit491
“NTA. I do think you should have talked to your sister before outright refusing, but her response telling you to grow up instead of being mad at what your parents did on your behalf says a lot.”
“Maybe it’s more of an ESH situation, but the parents are clearly the biggest a**holes here.” ~ CloverLeafe
OP came back with an Update…
“People are telling me to add that my sister refused to be my Maid of Honor because she didn’t feel comfortable, as it’s important to the context.”
“For those wondering, I have now flat-out asked my mum if it’s because I’m gay that I didn’t get the wedding.”
“She told me not to play the ‘gay card’ and that if I’m not adult enough to understand that they simply couldn’t at the time, then maybe they shouldn’t leave the family business to me.”
“My sister also said she felt uncomfortable with the idea of managing my big day with me already upset.”
Reddit is with you, OP.
It’s so sad you didn’t get your dream wedding.
You’re family’s behavior is heartbreaking.
Don’t let that stop you from cherishing your big day.
Good luck.