When two adults with children from previous relationships start dating, the hope is that everything will work out, and their families will be able to come together into a beautiful, blended unit.
But sometimes, these arrangements don’t work out that way. Their stepchildren might have much different relationships than they were hoping for, not because they hate each other but because they like each other a little “too much,” pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Harrillyns had been dating his girlfriend for about a year and a half, and when they met each other’s parents, they realized their single mom and dad were dating each other coincidentally, as well.
But when their parents moved their relationship along faster and got engaged, the Original Poster (OP) and his girlfriend were weirded out by the amount of pressure their parents put on them to break up before they were legally stepsiblings.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to break up with my girlfriend because my dad got engaged to her mom?”
The OP and his father accidentally dated women from the same family.
“I (17 Male) started dating my girlfriend Noa (17 Female) 18 months ago.”
“A few months after we started dating, we found out my dad and her mom had started dating after we did. We hadn’t done the meet the parent/kid stuff yet, and when we did, it’s how we found out.”
“My dad and Noa’s mom were angry when they realized Noa and I were dating. They told us we needed to end it because the two of them were serious about their relationship.”
“We told them we weren’t breaking up for them. I told my dad I loved Noa and wouldn’t break up with her for any dumb reason.”
The parents continued to push the issue against the OP and his girlfriend.
“My dad and Noa’s mom tried to make things awkward for us. They started calling us siblings and introducing us to others as stepsiblings.”
“They even talked about trying IVF to have a baby together.”
“But Noa and I kept dating. We made them uncomfortable every time we kissed or held hands.”
“Then the awkwardness for my dad and Noa’s mom went up when they found out we were each other’s first time.”
“They didn’t move in together as soon as they wanted because they didn’t want us living together. But then they decided the societal pressure to break up would increase if we ‘lived as siblings.’ It didn’t.”
“So then they got engaged, but we’re still together.”
The parents didn’t want the OP and his girlfriend to date once they were stepsiblings.
“My dad and her mom are more persistent now because they don’t want us to be dating at their wedding, and they want to get married before summer next year.”
“They try to make us feel weird about being together, but I don’t. She’s not my sister, she’s not my sibling, and even if my dad marries her mom, she won’t be my family like they think.”
“To get back at them, Noa pretended we were going to elope once we’re both 18, which is a few months away, since we share a birthday month.”
“My dad didn’t freak out, but her mom did, and she called us sick and disgusting, and she told us their relationship should take priority over ours.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some advised that the OP and his girlfriend set the record straight on social media.
“NTA, but I think you and your girlfriend should post online for family to see something about your one-and-a-half-year anniversary.”
“Post a lot about how long you’ve been dating. Always reference the timeline so when friends and family see this, they will begin to do the maths that your relationship is older than your parents’ relationship.”
“That way, your parents will be considered the weird ones for dating their children’s respective parents.” – Secret_Double_9239
“The parents should just own that they started dating after the OP and Noa did. They coincidentally met elsewhere, and anyway, kids dating and then their single parents dating is less weird than the reverse. Sitcoms do it sometimes to ‘tie up the loose ends’ after their main couple gets together: it means they only need to write one set of parental reactions to the shenanigans.”
“The main problem is likely that the parents don’t want to see their seventeen-year-olds’ relationship as valid, because they want to keep seeing them as kids. This is a common problem for 17-21 year olds, it just usually manifests in emotional distance for that time while the parents adjust, rather than with a big confrontation.” – TJ_Rowe
“It would be nice to throw in that they eloped at 18 and there’s a baby on the way. It would totally mess with the parents’ relationship and their future wedding. But I’m petty.” – S9_noworries
“This battle is going to be won by who controls the narrative, and presuming you younger folks have social media savvy, it’s time for you to do a full-court PR campaign.” – -tacostacostacos-
“Each time they introduce you two as siblings or stepsiblings, you two should put your arms around each other and tell the person, ‘This is the love of my life and we’re about to celebrate our two-year anniversary soon.’ It will mortify your parents and probably get them to stop saying it.” – Happy742
“You carry on with what you are doing and enjoy your relationship. Just a word of advice from an old person: Don’t let them split you up if it’s working, but don’t stay together if it’s not.”
“If you two really are in love and stay that way, congratulations, and don’t let your parents’ feeling awkward sour it. It was an odd coincidence that will ease with time if they just let it.”
“Don’t stay together just because ‘they’ll win.’ It’s your lives, and it’s too important for your future. Stay together by all means, but people change and grow and mature.”
“Sometimes your paths diverge, and that’s OK. There are many relationships that start in high school that last the distance, but there are many that don’t.”
“Take your parents out of the equation when you make your life decisions.”
“I wish you luck in the future, whatever happens in your relationship.” – EPotterGraham
Others encouraged the OP to continue to not view this as weird and let the parents get used to it.
“This battle is going to be won by whoever can give less f**ks. There is no battle if you’re willing to simply say, ‘Okay cool,’ and ignore the opinion of people who make it weird.”
“What’s really weird are the people who think it’s weird to date the kid of the person your parent is dating (or vice versa). It’s not. It’s just a hilarious coincidence.”
“Sure, there is a potential for awkwardness if one of them break up and meet at family gatherings. But who cares?” – lpmiller
“You are both 17, so it’s not like the two of you grew up together and were RAISED as siblings. It would be different if you had spent several years since childhood as stepsiblings. But now, lol, nah, you’re good. It’s just a funny coincidence.” – ducks_are_dragons
“NTA. They’re the ones making it weird, for f**k’s sake.”
“And I bet they will be shocked when you both turn 18, go to college or whatever, and go low-contact or no-contact with them. When they wake up one day and neither of their children speak to either of them, it will be their own fault.” – iknowsomethings2
“I once worked at a place with Randy, his wife Sue, and another couple, Cody and Sara. They kept everything professional, but one day, Sara called Sue ‘mom.'”
“I start asking questions, and Randy is Cody’s dad, and Sue is Sara’s mom. Randy and Sue started dating, and their children met, fell in love, and now they have this lovely but odd family.”
“That could be the OP’s future if the parents would just calm down.” – loose_translation
“Stepsiblings aren’t siblings in any legal sense. It’s a term created to describe a relationship in a blended family. There are no bars to relationships or marriage, and there have been many cases where parents get together with their kids’ partners’ parent.”
“Most times, it’s just a fun fact, but sometimes the parents try to make it weird, as they are doing here.”
‘All they are doing is pushing you two closer together. There is nothing like “us against the world” to keep people together.” – Adelucas
The subReddit totally sided with the OP and encouraged him to honor his relationship if it was what he and his girilfriend wanted.
Though they were still young and their feelings might eventually change, there was no reason that the two of them had to stop dating just because their parents were engaged.
While their parents would share a marriage certificate, the two of them would be no more related than they had ever been before.