When we, or someone near and dear to us, find ourselves in trouble or in a difficult spot, a common inclination is to look for someone to blame.
Of course, more often than not, this is pulling at strings as there is usually no one to blame but the person responsible.
Even so, many will still go to great lengths to find someone else to blame for indirectly causing them to do something they regret.
The nephew of Redditor Hanfolo made an unexpected visit to a football viewing party they were hosting.
During this party, the original poster (OP) heard their nephew use a phrase over and over again when describing one of the players.
After learning what the phrase meant, the OP kicked their nephew out of their house.
Only to learn that their nephew got in even more trouble on the way home.
Wondering if they were responsible for this, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for kicking my nephew and his friends out of my house for using ‘coded’ language that turned out to be very offensive and demeaning? What about the results of him leaving?”
The OP explained how they found themselves blamed for some trouble their nephew found himself in:
“On Sunday, I hosted a big game party.”
“My nephew (16) just sort of dropped by with three friends and I was ok to let them stay.”
“They immediately started called the quarterback ‘zesty.”
“They said it so much that I asked them what I meant. They giggled and said that it means he’s really popular on social media.”
“They must have said it 1000 times, and they were really annoying, but I was trying to chalk it up to teenage boys trying to show off for my 20-something girlfriends.”
“They started calling each other zesty, and I knew something was up, so I looked it up and was shocked to find out it essentially is a Gen Z way of saying a very derogatory word for gay.”
“I told him he had to stop.”
“He argued with me and said I was stupid and can’t get definitions off the internet.”
“I couldn’t take it, so I told him he had to leave.”
“He argued with me all the way out.”
“What I didn’t know would happen is he would be so focused on the argument he crashed his car into a parked car.”
“My brother is blaming me, saying that I not only accused him of being a bigot but that I should have called the situation down instead of getting him all riled up to cause the accident.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for kicking their nephew out of their house and was in no way responsible for their nephew backing into a parked car.
Everyone agreed that the OP had every right to kick their nephew out of their house for using homophobic language, and if anyone other than the OP’s nephew was to blame for the car accident, it was the OP’s brother who let him use the car in the first place.
“NTA.”
“The damn fool crashed the car entirely on his own, likely more distracted by goofing around with friends (that he may not have been able to legally drive with).”
“But sure blame OP.”
“Anything to deflect actual responsibility for the child, right?”
“Brother is an AH and probably where the kid gets their attitude from.”- ABeerAndABook
“NTA but your brother is raising one.”
“That’s entirely on him as a driver.”
“If he can’t focus on driving because he’s too emotional, he’s not ready to drive.”
“Your nephew owns that.”
“Your brother needs to stop making excuses for his kid.”- The_Bad_Agent
“NTA.”
“lol.”
“Part of growing up is learning how to control yourself.”- He_Who_Is_Person
“I hope the kid has to pay for the damages and gets his driving privileges taken away.”
“I’m sure that parked car he hit jumped right out in front of him(s).”
“The kid dropped by-uninvited to your party-with friends!”
“And then they repeatedly called the quarterback bad names (nobody cares if you had to look it up to find out the latest slang derogatory term for gay).”
“And then he got mad.”
“Yeaaa, no, NTA for kicking him out.”
“You, OP, are NTA.”- YouthNAsia63
“NTA.”
“Lmao, your nephew being a sh*t driver, and it seems person too, is in no way your fault.”
“Your brother is an idiot for thinking this is in any way your fault.”
“Ignore his foolishness.”- BulbasaurRanch
“NTA.”
“Good on you for setting him straight.”
“The fact that he crashed his car is 100% on him.”
“Tell your brother he’s being ridiculous and should teach his son to stop being homophobic.”-clever_girl33
“NTA most definitely.”
“He’s in YOUR house.”
“You told him to stop.”
“He doubled down and called you stupid.”
“That’s an automatic GTFO right there.”
“Well, that sounds like a ‘him’ problem.”
“You didn’t cause the accident.”
“Your brother can kick rocks.”- d4everman
“NTA.”
“In fact, I would double down and tell your brother that until your nephew apologizes, he’s no longer welcome in your house.”- BreedingRPThrowaway
“NTA.”
“And your idiot nephew should look where he’s driving.”
“Millions and millions of bigots can drive successfully.”- fuzzy_mic
“NTA.”
“Your house; your rules.”
“Also, how are you responsible for them acting stupid after they left?”
“Honestly, some people will do anything to avoid accountability.”- Tx_Drewdad
“NTA.”
“Sounds like he was trying for edgy.”
“Stupid games, stupid prizes.”- PicklesMcpickle
“NTA.”
“If he can’t regulate his emotions, he shouldn’t be driving.”
“Let alone being homophobic.”
“Your brother is enabling his son’s terrible, reckless, and dangerous behavior.”
“If he doesn’t want to be called a bigot, then don’t be one.”- Cursd818
“While I have never heard ‘zesty’ being used derogative the fact that they lied does imply that they were using it negatively.”
“I’d say NTA but maybe have a talk with him/get his parents to talk with him.”- SatanicFranky666
“NTA.”
“This is the law of natural consequences.”
“You misbehave, you dig in with your knuckleheaded teen buddies and don’t apologize, and act entitled at someone else’s party, you get asked to leave.”
“He’s safe/no one is hurt.”
“Nothing else matters.”
“And if his friends were in the car, that fact alone statistically is going to lead to way more accidents for distracting a new driver than almost anything else.”
“That is on your brother, as is raising a kid who takes ownership and consequences of his own choices.”
“They both owe you apologies.”- Antelope_31
“NTA.”
“Sounds like your nephew needs to improve his driving skills.”
“That is not on you.”
“Maybe instead of blaming you, your brother should step up as a parent and teach his son he’s responsible for his own actions and he shouldn’t be saying derogatory names about others.”-Odd_Yogurtcloset2891
“NTA.”
“Calling out a homophobe is always the correct response, and crashing his car is on him.”
“Your brother can go pound sand.”- SmurfBiscuits
“NTA.”
“Your house, your rules.”
“Teenagers sometimes do stupid things which come with consequences, simple as that.”
“Also, not going to lie, it was kind of rude for him to just drop by without warning.”
“I love my family, but I also request that they let me know when they plan on dropping by, in case of anything you know.”
“As for him crashing into a parked car lol Nope.”
“That is not your fault in ANY way, and honestly, that is such a pathetic excuse for him to use.”
“If he can’t control his emotions to the point that he ‘can’t focus’ on driving, that sounds like there’s a bigger issue your brother needs to address with HIS son.”
“He’s trying to paint your nephew as the victim, and that’s even more pathetic.”- SebbyMorningstar
“NTA.”
“They’ve given him the car, they’ve made the decision he’s safe to drive.”
“If he’s not responsible enough to take five minutes to calm down before he gets behind the wheel of a car, he’s not responsible enough to be behind the wheel at ALL but that’s not your call, it’s theirs and they can’t be blaming you for it.”
“Also, good on you for calling him out.”
“I’m sorry you’re being given a tough time over his misbehavior instead of the other way round!”-Queen_Cupcaaake
If anyone needs to reflect on their behavior and life choices in this situation, it would seem to be the OP’s brother.
As they don’t seem to have a problem with their son causally crashing a party, the OP was throwing and then going on to use derogatory slurs as a way to impress women.
As many pointed out, if the OP’s nephew’s emotions were so fragile he couldn’t notice a parked car, then he probably shouldn’t have been out driving alone in the first place.
Another poor decision on the OP’s brother’s part.