We all want to be comfortable.
Not just in the feeling of safety that comes from a welcoming space, but also in how we dress.
So, what happens when you are made to feel uncomfortable in an otherwise welcoming space for the clothing you do – or do not – wear?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Origianl Poster (OP) Queasy_Bite_3194 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for not wearing a bra in my uncle’s house?”
OP began with a brief background.
“I’m a (18F) and I normally only wear bras when I go out, because its uncomfortable, itchy and yk, you gotta let the girls breathe a lil.”
Then got right to the problem at hand.
“Yesterday I went to my uncles house for a stay over.”
“Once I arrived to the house, I took off my bra as usual and just started to get comfortable.”
“At dinner time, I noticed my uncle and male cousin acting a bit weird around me, and my aunt and female cousin were giving me looks I couldn’t tell what for.”
“After dinner, my female cousin pulled me aside and asked me why I wasn’t wearing a bra.”
“I told her because we are in the house.”
“She told me that my uncle and her brother was in the house too.”
“I got confused and told her so what, I also have a dad and brother at my house, they never cared if I wore a bra or not in the house. she got annoyed and told me to wear it and that I can take it off before sleep and to put it back on once I wake up.”
“I refused and told her I was not going to spend the whole day in my bra. she told me she and her mom does and that I’m being dramatic.”
“I said no again, walked out her room and basically spent the whole night in the guest room where I was gonna sleep.”
“Now its morning as I’m writing this, I’m not wearing a bra and both my cousin and aunt gave me annoyed looks and a forced good morning when I said good morning to them.”
OP was left to wonder,
“Now I feel a little guilty. Should I just wear the bra? AITA for not?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some commiserated with personal stories.
“Nta.”
“I haven’t worn a bra in four years. one day in high school i noticed my friend wasn’t wearing one and I said hey, why are u wearing a bra and she said 🤷🏻♂️ you don’t have to.”
“And I was like woah.”
“Ur right. I don’t have to.”
“They’re uncomfortable and I hate them. u should not be forced to wear a bra for anyone else u should wear it when and if you want to wear it” ~ Pure-Purpose9248
“Same.”
“I was so used to wearing bras everywhere, even to bed until my ex-bf told me he though it was odd.”
‘”My sister never wears bras around the home’ and I started doing it just to try and it was such a relief 😭”
“Mind you, now when I go home, my mom gives me shit for not wearing a bra around my dad.”
“Ffs.” ~ dwthesavage
“One time my sister was hemming a dress for me and under it I had bra and panties on.”
“When she finished pinning it I took it off and only route back to my room was past dad.”
“So I went to room. She was horrified I did that. I was like, uh its dad. I don’t think he even looked up.”
“I couldn’t understand what her problem was.” ~ Minimum_Ad_4120
“Same, but I’m right at six years braless.”
“I’ve been a SAHM for almost 12 years, so I really didn’t go out much aside from errands revolving around my house/kids/husband.”
“So I got really comfortable always being in the house and not feeling like I needed to wear a bra 24/7.”
“Then, when I was done breastfeeding my youngest, and knew I wasn’t having any more kids, I stopped wearing a bra completely, and that was almost 6 years ago now.”
“Even before I stopped wearing a bra permanently, I was only wearing a breastfeeding bra, as they are so much more comfortable than typical bras.”
“I’ll never go back to wearing one, for any reason.”
“I went back into the workforce several months ago for the first time in almost 12 years, and don’t even wear a bra to work.”
“Luckily, my boss isn’t an a**hole and doesn’t give 2 sh*ts what I wear, as long as I’m not walking around naked or in sweats.”
“As I like to say frequently, FREE THE TITTIES!” ~ Nixie39
Others were concerned.
“I was wondering, what if she doesn’t ever wear bras?”
“Is her aunt going to make her wear one of hers?? And why are they all staring at her boobs?? With a hoodie on…”
“I’d be creeped out that my uncle was sexualizing me. Gross.” ~ sweetie76010
“NTA.”
“Why are your family members paying such close attention to your boobs?”
“I stopped wearing bras years ago and almost no one comments aside from the occasional a**hole.”
“It’s not like you’re running around naked. Tell your family it’s weird they pay so much attention to your underwear situation.” ~ MissBitch25
“OP even edited to add that she was wearing a hoodie at the time.”
“Definitely NTA and it’s super weird that everyone noticed.”
“The only time I’ve ever noticed somebody not wearing a bra is when it’s cold out and it’s obvious (even then I never care).”
“I’m not the bra police, people are allowed to be comfortable.” ~ steals_fluffy_dogs
For many, it was a matter of choice.
“NTA I agree that should be your own choice if you wear a bra or not.”
“I used to hate them as well and only wore sports bras.”
“Imagine my surprise when I found super comfortable bras in Indonesia.”
“Wireless, without any lace and they are sooo comfy and fit super well.”
“I am so sad I didn’t buy more than two.”
“I have looked online and even though the brand is sold almost everywhere the specific bra seems to only be sold in Indonesia.”
“It’s a bit far to fly to Bali from Sweden just to by some bras but if I was stupid rich I would totally do it. Here I can only find bras with wire and lace or bralettes that give no support.”
“I still go without bras at home all the time and often while out and about as well, but I love having my Indonesian bras for work.” ~ Mizrani
“NTA.”
“Americans will act all high and mighty because they don’t force women to wear a veil and then say shit like this lmao If I went into someone’s house and they forced me to wear a veil because I am a woman I wouldn’t do it, and it is not nearly as uncomfortable as a bra.” ~ 2andahalfbraincell
Though, some saw both sides.
“While I’m in agreement with you that women shouldn’t need to wear bras, I’m also of the mind that you are in their space, so you go by their rules.”
“I have Muslim relatives and when at their homes, my shoulders are covered and I dress modestly so as not to insult them and to be a good guest.”
“Manners connote respect.”
“I have statues of nudes in my home and I put them in the closet when they visit because I want them to be comfortable in my home when they visit.”
“I do not send their children pajamas with piggys … basic accommodation and respect.”
“Given their house rules, I probably wouldn’t visit often if I were OP and she felt uncomfortable at their home.”
“It clearly went against the household norm.” ~ lovebombme2u
“When in Rome, do as the Roman’s do.”
“If you’re at someone’s house, and you know certain things make them uncomfortable, you do what you can to accommodate.”
“Whether it’s dressing modestly, wearing a bra if asked; or just don’t go.”
“I wouldn’t wear shorts and a tank top to court or the Vatican, even though that’s my go outfit at home.”
“I don’t have to agree with other people’s cultural mores to respect them.” ~ dorianrose
OP did return to give some clarification.
“Edit, just so yall know: my breasts arent big. and yesterday the guys only saw me for like an hour while we were eating and I greeted them.”
“Nor did they bounce like, at all. and also, I was wearing a black oversized hoodie, they weren’t visible, my nipples weren’t hard.”
“Literally only thing was that they were moving freely.”
Welcoming spaces are just that, spaces that are open and accepting of who we are as people.
The choice in how we clothe our bodies is fundamentally part of what makes us who we are.
Be kind, but be you.