Content Warning: Cancer Diagnosis, Cancer Prognosis
When two people commit to each other, either in marriage or a long-term relationship, it’s generally assumed that they will stick together through thick and thin.
But “in sickness and in health” comes with conditions in many relationships, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Infinite-Assist1659 faced multiple dire medical diagnoses, and their prognosis was unfortunate, given how their cancer had spread.
Instead of being supportive and staying by their side, the Original Poster (OP) was heartbroken that their long-term girlfriend broke up with them and demanded they move out immediately.
They asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for being upset that my partner went on holiday after I was diagnosed with terminal cancer?”
The OP was facing a terrible cancer diagnosis.
“Late last year, I was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and taken into hospital for urgent surgery.”
“There were serious post-surgical complications, I needed emergency follow-up surgery, and I ended up in the hospital for a month.”
“Two months later, I’m still in a great deal of pain and have daily nurse visits to change dressings.”
“I’ve now been told the cancer has spread to my liver and is incurable.”
“Tomorrow, I have to decide whether to undergo aggressive chemotherapy, knowing it may extend my life but at a significant cost to my quality of life.”
The OP’s partner responded selfishly to the news and needed “me time” to process.
“The day I was told the cancer had spread, my partner of six years said she needed to ‘get away and get some sun’ for her own mental health before my treatment began.”
“I asked her not to go. I was in tears, but she was determined. Three days later, she flew to the other side of the world for two weeks.”
“Although I was very unhappy about it, I accepted it, helped book the flights, and even drove her to the airport (though I probably shouldn’t have).”
“While she was on the plane, she phoned me and said she might need to go away again in March, potentially during my chemotherapy, because she wouldn’t be able to see family on this trip. She added ‘depending on your health,’ but that didn’t feel very reassuring and upset me a lot.”
The OP’s children were there for them in a way their partner was not.
“Because I’m still physically limited, my adult children have had to take time off work and move in to help me around the house and care for her dog. I still can’t walk far or bend down to deal with poo (his, not mine).”
“They told her they were disappointed she left at a time when I needed her most.”
“I shared their thoughts with her, and I also told her how upsetting the idea of another trip during my treatment was.”
“Since then, things have escalated badly. She has accused me of trying to ruin her time away; turning everyone against her; being delusional and blaming my pain medication; not ‘having her back’; and ‘slagging her off’ to friends, including some I haven’t even spoken to.”
But then the OP’s partner did something they didn’t see coming.
“She says all her friends support her choices and that I’m being unreasonable.”
“This has now ended with her saying she no longer wants to be in a relationship because I have ‘let her down,’ and she ‘doesn’t want to put herself through my chemo.'”
“She said I need to be out of the house by the time she returns in five days. It is her house, I know I could challenge this, but I don’t have the strength, and, honestly, I need to leave for my own mental and physical health.”
“Am I overreacting by being upset that she went away at this time, by not apologizing for my children being disappointed, and by feeling hurt that she was planning another trip during my treatment for terminal cancer?”
“I know the answer, but I really need to vent.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some cut to the chase and told the OP to seek out a lawyer immediately.Â
“Please, please, please see a lawyer, and get your will in order. Your partner is NOT willing to care for you while your children are.”
“She also can’t evict you with only a five-day notice.” – dncrmom
“Get a good lawyer, and make sure there is no way she will get anything. She doesn’t deserve it. What a horrible thing to do.”
“I could never do something like that. The last time I had a loved one in the hospital, I stayed with them for nearly six weeks in the hospital with them.” – CRAZY_G_C
“Review and double-check your life insurance policies, and make sure that everything you own will be passed to your children and not her. Being together so long, married or not, can muddy that.” – YesterdaySimilar2069
“My dad took off shortly after my mom dealt with breast cancer. He moved 3,000 miles away and shacked up with a lawyer who figured out how to get him out of child support.”
“My mom survived many more years (two more than he did). The oncologist told my mom (back in 1988) that he sees it all the time. The partner can’t deal with the health thing and checks out. They believe they’re doing it for their own mental health.”
“I am so sorry you are dealing with this. You certainly deserve a better partner.” – MisuseOfPork
“Honey, make sure to protect your TRUE family from this b***h! Get your Last Will and Testament sorted out now, make sure that any treatment starts AFTER you do this, and that you have your test results included in the documentation on file!”
“And no, you are NOT overreacting!” – Odd-Contribution1390
Others hurt on the OP’s behalf and hoped they would have a good life without their girlfriend.
“I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through, OP. She wasn’t your ‘partner’; partners stick around in sickness and in health.”
“Please find a way to make the best of the time you have left, with your kids, and anything else you’ve ever wanted to do. God bless you and keep you. NOR.” – OrderExtreme574
“As soon as my doctor became concerned about cancer, my admittedly self-absorbed and toxic ex-wife suddenly lost all ability to remember I exist. I think she said she forgot about it like five times in one month, and would just kind of wait around for me to do things for her.”
“She never supported me; I don’t know why I thought it would ever change.”
“Take what I learned now, and stop wasting your time, OP. You’re better than that.” – SunnyBubblesForever
“Not overreacting.”
“But don’t be foolish. How can you handle moving out right now? Tell her, ‘That’s all fine re: the break-up, it’s not unexpected after you bailed. But let’s be clear: I won’t be out in five days to assuage your guilt; that’s not realistic. You’ll have to deal with me living here while I make arrangements.'”
“She already disrespected you, OP. Don’t let her bully you, too.” – Dense_Resource
“NOR. Your partner is clearly unwilling and incapable of being there for you ‘in sickness,’ and is only thinking of herself. I’m so sorry that the person you thought you could rely on has kicked you to the curb. I hope you have somewhere else to go where you’ll be safe and supported.”
“Please notice who IS showing up for you, and put your energy there. Make sure you change any insurance policies and other benefits so that your kids are your beneficiaries, not your former partner.” – MiddleAged_BogWitch
“NOR. I would be done, OP. You’re in a battle and that means you need to feel safe, secure, and supported no matter what choice you make about treatment. She has demonstrated the exact opposite of all that would create a comforting environment for you.”
“She sounds like a selfish f**king a**hole, and so are her friends (or she’s a liar on top of all of her other AH traits and her friends don’t know the truth).”
“I would get your stuff out and never speak to her again. Your feelings are 100% valid. I’m very sorry, OP. Do what you need to do that will bring you peace and comfort. Spend time with your children and make memories, but please cut this woman out of your life for your own good.”
“Also, make sure you film the house after you pack up so she can’t make claims that you damaged her property, get all important docs out, make sure your mail is forwarded, change passwords, remove her from any shared accounts, change life insurance, open new accounts, etc.”
“She cannot be trusted with anything. She seems the type to play victim about all of this, and then will shift into ‘grief,’ so she can keep being the center of attention/victim. She’s a gross person.” – Waste_Ad_6467
“NOR. I have cancer, and one thing you find out when you have cancer is that a lot of people suck and will bail on you.”
“Your partner is not going to support you, and she’s ending the relationship. And she’s doing that because you have terminal cancer.”
“If you genuinely think you’re overreacting for being upset about that, that’s scary to me because it’s such a giant disconnect with reality. It’s not possible to overreact. You have incurable cancer, and your partner fled the country and is kicking you out of the house and ending the relationship.” – EtonRd
The subReddit hurt for the OP and hoped they would do the best with the time they had left, if they couldn’t steal a little more.
Perhaps after getting away from such a selfish partner who made their chemotherapy about her mental health, maybe they’d find themselves in better spirits and able to fight just a little bit harder.