Over the past century, the concepts and expectations of marriage have undergone significant changes.
Men would go out and make the money; they were often the sole provider for the household.
Women would stay home and take care of the house, the kids, and the needs of their husbands.
In this day and age, that “traditional” concept is often frowned upon, as women have come a long way in their roles outside the home.
This can be a struggle for many to accept.
A young woman found herself in a personal dilemma regarding her friend’s boyfriend’s behavior at dinner, so she turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Redditor yftdddtf asked:
“AITAH for telling a friend’s boyfriend that he can’t have a traditional wife because he’s not a traditional man?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I, 25 F[emale] was hanging with some friends and their S[ignificant] O[thers] last week.”
“To make a long story short, my friend’s B[oy]F[riend] kept talking about how women no longer want to be traditional wives, and that’s why many of them are single.”
“I responded that in 2025, women don’t feel like they need a man in order to provide the lives that they want for themselves.”
“He kept going on about what women used to do and how they were all about taking care of their husbands and household without complaining.”
“I let it go on for a while, but I got tired of hearing his rant and told him that he can’t have a traditional wife when my friend goes 50/50 on all the bills with him and works more hours than he does.”
“I continued with the act that he isn’t a traditional husband and can’t provide for his household like he’s supposed to, so that my friend can stay home and do those ‘traditional duties.’”
“I may have become the a**hole when I told him that it sounds like he wants another mommy and not a wife.”
“It became silent, and he told me that my way of thinking proved his point.”
“The conversation pivoted elsewhere, and I thought that was it, but I got a message from my friend saying that her boyfriend was upset at me for what I said, and that I embarrassed him.”
“He wants me to apologize, but I don’t think that I should have to, as I was responding to his rant about traditional women.”
“My friend said she doesn’t think I’m wrong but doesn’t think I’m right either, and I should’ve just let him talk because he had a few drinks.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITAH?”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
“NTA. The audacity of going on and on about trad wives and splitting things 50/50 with his girlfriend. LOL.” ~ ProfessorDistinct835
“I have a friend of a friend who inherently believes in ‘trad wives,’ but he is most definitely not a trad husband.”
“His wife works full-time and has a similar income to him.”
“However, she was also responsible for doing all the cooking, cleaning, and childcare.”
“He recently got laid off from work, and I asked my friend if he was doing more around the house now since he’s not working, and my friend said, ‘I don’t think so. He’s just dirt biking way more now.”’
“So this guy is out having fun unemployed while his wife works full time AND manages the household and kids.”
“I feel so bad for his wife, but I don’t think she will leave him because she has the misogyny ingrained in her HARD.” ~ PennilessPirate
“LMAO NTA, you hurt his feelings because you spoke the truth.” ~ Individual-Foxlike
“Traditionally, apparently, he meant a wife who will work and pay half the bills, plus cook, clean, and wash the skidmarks out of his shorts.”
“It isn’t women who are being left alone, it’s loser baby men like him. NTA.” ~ fiestafan73
“Yep, this.”
“So many of us older people don’t have faith in the younger generations.”
“I read this thinking, ‘She’s completely right!’ and glad to see her put him in his place.”
“Like others on here, both my grandmothers worked because in one case, the money wasn’t there, in the other case, my grandfather ran off into a bottle.”
“OP, you’re NTA, you’re a HERO!”
“Keep up the good work! (from a GenX feminist and her GenX feminist husband).” ~ ShinyLizard
“Tell him you’re sorry he’s still a baby on the teat and that he proved your point by making his mommy stand up to you for him.”
“NTA, but you’re surrounded by them.”
“No one should have let him get more than a couple of sentences into that bullsh*t.” ~ Fit_Strike8584
“OP, I’d seriously reconsider my friendship with that person and with those people in general.”
“None of my friends have partners like this (they wouldn’t put up with such nonsense).” ~ hahayeahimfinehaha
“Truly, this idea of a ‘traditional’ 1950s style wife is built around the idea that ‘women belong in the home.'”
“If she has a job, and even more so if she works more hours than he, no amount of uncompensated domestic labor will make her a traditional wife.”
“It just makes her an indentured servant.”
“NTA. You’re exactly right.” ~ H0liday_
“NTA, I mean she did explain why women no longer want to be traditional wives and be single rather than live with a man who wants a traditional wife that also supports him financially.”
“So he was right about that.”
“What upset him was that she gave a valid reason why, and that reflected badly on him.”
“He doesn’t deserve an apology.”
“The one here I’d worry about is the friend – I’d like to ask her why he needs his feelings soothed just because he was drinking, but I expect she had him blow up on her once home.” ~ Timely_Egg_6827
“NTA. Tell him a traditional man wouldn’t be so soft and have his feelings hurt or be embarrassed.”
“He needs to man up and grow a set and stop thinking it’s 1950.” ~ bobp929
“I like how younger women are calling guys out on the reality of life.”
“Those of us older gals worked 50-hour-plus weeks and did just about everything around the house to take care of our families, and it got us nothing but lazy spouses.”
“This trad wife fantasy is just that—a fantasy.”
“Unless a man can make enough money to support the entire family, he needs to respect his wife’s many contributions AND contribute to running the household.”
“Most men just want to watch TV, play video games, or chill out with their friends after work.”
‘They have no concept of how much it takes to run a household.”
“I don’t blame you for speaking up! 👏.” ~ VariationOwn2131
“You have as much right to your opinion as he does.”
“You have as much right to express it as he does.”
“You even have as much right to a couple of drinks as he does.”
“Women who don’t have salaried jobs can be all about taking care of their husbands and households.”
“Women who have jobs need an equal partner.”
“Both models of a marriage are valid, assuming both are happy with it.”
“But if she carries more than 50% of the load, he’s not her equal, he’s her inferior.”
“If he can’t take it, he shouldn’t dish it out.”
“He should be embarrassed; he embarrassed himself.” ~ ditchdiggergirl
“NTA – many women didn’t complain because it was met with a slap to the face, nor could women have their own bank accounts or car loans without a struggle if they didn’t have a husband.”
“This guy is a C L O W N, and your friend should watch out for this loser she’s dating.” ~ Decent-Historian-207
“Right? They didn’t complain because they literally did not have the rights or ability to work, vote, open a bank account, or own property, whether it was through laws or societal standards.”
“Many businesses simply wouldn’t hire women, and many banks would refuse to finance a mortgage to a woman.”
“Being a housewife was the only choice.” ~ spongebobsworsthole
“NTA, but the mommy comment was a miss.”
“It allowed him to bypass the actual, important point.”
“Which is that if you want a traditional wife, you gotta be able to financially provide for one.”
“You said that, too, but he got to brush it off by focusing on the mommy insult.”
“Make the winning point and stop.” ~ Witty-Stock-4913
“Oh no, poor man, baby got his feelings hurt when you pointed out his flawed logic?”
“Too bad, so sad.”
“Don’t you dare apologize.”
“A real man can handle criticism and say you know what, I was wrong.”
“He’s immature and has been red-pilled.”
“Your friend is settling because she’s afraid that being alone is worse than being with an a**hole.”
“Let her learn her lesson by herself.”
“Distance yourself.” ~ MNConcerto
OP returned with an Update…
“I called my friend to try and understand why her boyfriend was ’embarrassed’ and why she was trying to be Switzerland in the situation.”
“She explained that I’m her friend, and although she doesn’t disagree with what I said, she feels like she needs to have her man’s back as well.”
“I told her that she doesn’t have my back by asking me to apologize to him and not standing up for me, or at the very least telling him that what he was saying was idiotic.”
“We talked for about an hour, and I actually feel like it didn’t get anywhere.”
“I told her that I would not apologize and that he can’t come around me anymore, and she was very upset with that statement.”
“I feel like I lost a close friend, and that hurts a lot, but I will not be disrespected.”
Reddit is with you, OP.
He said his piece, you said yours.
Your friend has gotten herself into a predicament, and it is not your concern.
Chin up.