We’ve all had moments in life where we’ve felt inclined to be competitive.
More often than not, it’s a result of our feeling insecure about our job or our education.
Especially if someone flaunts theirs, seemingly to display superiority.
During a recent family dinner, Redditor Active_Storage_1275 casually mentioned their alma mater.
A remark that led the original poster (OP)’s sister-in-law (SIL) to point out the disparity between their college educations.
Leading the OP to comment on the disparity between their professional lives.
After being told they were “out of line” by their husband, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The a**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for asking my sister in law what she’s doing with her degree after she implied my university wasn’t prestigious enough?”
The OP explained why things got rather tense and defensive between them and their sister-in-law (SIL):
“Last night my husband, our 2-year-old daughter, and I were at my in-laws.”
“My sister-in-law and her husband and kids were there too.”
“The topic of one of their cousins’ kids going to university came up.”
“We talked about how going to a good university helps in networking.”
“I mentioned how I had gotten my first Business Analyst job because my interviewer had also gone to UofT.”
“At this point, my SIL chimed in with ‘UofT Mississauga, right? So not the actual one?'”
“My husband said politely that it’s the same thing, and she just shrugged.”
“I asked her where she went, she said she went to UofT and added St. George Campus.”
“I then asked how she’s using her degree (I knew she’s a SAHM, so that’s why Im here, that might have been an AH thing to say).”
“She said she chose to be a SAHM mom and kind of stopped talking to me.”
“My husband thinks I was out of line.”
“Admittedly, I didn’t think it through when I said it, just said what came to my mind.”
“He says her question was tactless but not malicious. I said it was rude and that’s what mattered.”
“And the premise of it was just wrong.”
“But I have been reconsidering it.”
“She has texted him about how out of line I was.”
“He’s told her it was a misunderstanding between everyone and to let it go.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community stood behind the OP and agreed that they were not the a**hole for clapping back at their SIL.
Everyone agreed that even if the OP took something of a low blow, their SIL took the first swing, and thus she deserved to get a sense of how the OP felt after her remark:
“NTA.”
“She had something to say about the campus you went to and was 100% being rude because she felt like hers was better.”
“And your question was valid :what is she doing with her degree?”
“She sounds like one of those people who like to talk about everyone but can’t stand it when someone gives it back.”- cwesson88
“Eh, NTA.”
“The UofT thing might not make sense to a lot of Redditors.”
“The St George campus is the main one, while Mississauga and Scarborough can be seen as lesser, which is what the SIL was likely implying here.”
“Yes, OP went low but really only after the SIL did first.”- Happy_Raspberry1984
“NTA if you want to be snarky, you best be prepared to get some in return.”- UnvarnishedWarehouse
“NTA.”
“I will always hate people who can dish it out but not take it.”
“She wanted to put you down and couldn’t deal with the clapback.”
“In my opinion, the rude person is only the one who started it.”
“Sure, we could all be perfect adults and be above it all, but that’s just gonna reinforce the rude behavior.”
“Your husband is like those teachers who will turn a blind eye until the bullied kid fights back.”- Lindbluete
“NTA . Not the actual one is the clincher.”
“It was passive-aggressive, and she knew what she was doing, not an innocent question.”
“If someone’s going to be rude to you, then they should expect it back. I don’t think what you said was any worse, and you’re under no obligation to just sit there and take it.”- Familiar_Benefit_776
“NTA.”
“She was rude and belittling to you simply based on the campus you went to.”
“You gave as good as you got.”
“If she can’t handle it, she shouldn’t dish it out.”
“Why is your husband not having your back?”- bookworm-1960
“You wouldn’t have responded like that if she didn’t start with the condescending words.”
“NTA.”- SourGummyDrops
“NTA that was hilarious and she’s a grown up, if she can dish it out, she can take it.”- MsAmontillado
“NTA.”
“You matched her energy.”
“No reason at all for her to try and -less than- your degree because of campus location, if she’s feeling bad about her life, she does not get to try and transfer that to you.”
“It sounds like a pretty regrettable exchange all the way around, but she fired first.”-
zaleli
“NTA.”
“She started it.”- GrapefruitFair377
“NTA.”
“She was trying to put you down, and you responded in kind.”- Super-Staff3820
“NTA, she implied OP’s degree meant less because of the location of the campus.”
“OP replied in kind.”
“People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”
“I would have said the exact same thing.”
“Brava!”- Bookish-3920
“NTA.”
“She was trying to put you down.”
“You just played her game better than she did.”- LowBalance4404
“NTA.”
“She was being mean-spirited and condescending, and the intent was to put you down and make you feel small.”
“How does your husband not see that that IS malicious?”
“People who are judgmental of others should be ready to face judgment themselves.”
“Otherwise, they should keep their mouth shut.”
“I also don’t see how she has the audacity to text you that you were out of line when she was out of line to begin with.”- TA_totellornottotell
“NTA.”
“No one in the real world cares which UofT campus you went to.”
“UofT itself is already a cool enough uni to graduate from.”
“If she can’t take it, she shouldn’t dish it.”
“Her saying ‘Not the actual one’ was 100% malicious lol because it was so unnecessary AND she went out of her way to add that.”
“Idk why your husband says otherwise.”
“But, echoing similar comments: it’s gonna be real awkward if this is unresolved.”
“Hopefully, you two can discuss this like real adults.”
“But, she might feel insecure for being a SAHM, and is clutching on to the fact that she went to the St George campus to make herself feel better/her self-esteem higher.”
“So maybe keep that in mind if you do decide to talk to her.”- purpleraccoons
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment, and sharing where things currently stood with their SIL:
“I was heartened by all the NTA votes.”
“I read a lot of the comments and really appreciated those saying I wasn’t the instigator, so I was in the clear.”
“As I read more comments and the way my SIL was being mentioned, it made me feel bad.”
“I don’t blame the comments; they were only going by the context I had provided.”
“But I took the fact that my SIL being criticized heavily was making me uneasy as a cue to mend the relationship.”
“She isn’t a bad person, she and I aren’t bffs but have always been cordial to each other.”
“The NTA verdict had given me the peace of mind that my reply wasn’t totally uncalled for.”
“So I asked my husband if she was still messaging him.”
“He said she’d just sent a final wall of text of how hurt she was and then gone quiet.”
“I asked him what he thought. He said he’d told her that her remark was thoughtless.”
“But told me that there are levels to this; my reply really cut her.”
“I told him I was willing to apologize if she did too.”
“Last night I got a call from her.”
“She said that she had realized that her comment about UTM had come across as insulting and that was not her intention.”
“She said she was really proud of me and my career and the way I juggled it with being a mother and apologized for her remark.”
“I thanked her and said my comment about her degree was out of line.”
“That she’s an awesome mother, and my remark had zero thought behind it, it was just me saying whatever I could in the moment.”
“She broke down a bit, and that honestly made me feel terrible.”
“I teared up too, and we just agreed to put this behind us.”
“Like I mentioned in my original post, my reply was instinctive.”
“I don’t think she’s wasting her degree, and I hope her comment had equally no thought behind it.”
“But I’m glad I patched it up with her.”
It’s unclear what the OP’s SIL was trying to imply with her remark about their different campuses.
But it’s easy to see why the OP interpreted it as a dig.
The OP didn’t need to sink to that level, but seeing as they both expressed their regrets on this matter, one can be grateful that all is forgiven, and this will hopefully be water under the bridge.