Even though it’s 2023, there are still people in the world who don’t take food allergies and sensitivities seriously.
But in all reality, depending on the severity of the allergy, there are be dangerous consequences, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor ThrowawayPeanutAll recently went out to a girls’ lunch with her friend and her friend’s future stepdaughter, who had a severe peanut allergy.
When both women forgot about the stepdaughter’s allergy, the Original Poster (OP) learned how terribly the situation could turn out.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for crying causing a wedding to be called off?”
The OP’s good friend was going to become a wife and stepmom soon.
“I am 31 (Female), I have a friend named Anna (35 Female), and her fiancé, Alex (33 Male), has a seven-year-old daughter named Frankie.”
“Frankie has a severe peanut allergy. Alex is very protective of Frankie and takes great precautions to ensure her safety.”
At least until the OP took Anna and Frankie out for a girls’ lunch, which went horribly wrong.
“One day, Anna and I decided to go to a restaurant, and we informed Alex beforehand.”
“He explicitly told us to make sure that there were no peanuts in the food.”
“Unfortunately, in the midst of ordering our meals, Anna had to pee, and she was in the bathroom when Frankie and I chose our meals.”
“I completely forgot about Frankie’s allergy when I ordered for us, and she ended up eating something with peanuts in it (Kung Pao Chicken).”
“By the time Anna came back from the bathroom, Frankie was already eating.”
“This resulted in Frankie having a severe allergic reaction and requiring immediate medical attention.”
Frankie’s father was panicked and furious.
“Upon learning about the incident, Alex understandably became angry and upset.”
“He directed his frustration toward me and Anna, stating that we should have asked about the presence of peanuts in the food.”
“Furthermore, he expressed that he no longer wanted me around Frankie if we couldn’t be more responsible.”
The situation escalated.
“I busted into tears. This argument escalated, leading to a major fight between Anna and Alex and ultimately causing their wedding to be called off.”
“Now, both friends and family are placing the blame on me, stating that Anna and I should have been more cautious and that I ruined the wedding because I’m an id**t who doesn’t listen.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were furious with the OP for “forgetting” something that was so important.
“She thinks it was her crying (31-year-old woman who cries when faced with consequences?) that caused the wedding to be called off.”
“Not the fact that her friend was too careless to prevent her idiocy from almost killing the child.”
“OP, you are 31. If you think you can shake off any responsibility with ‘I just forget’ and ‘I’m not good at listening’, you might need to be accompanied by an adult to navigate daily tasks.”
“YTA. You could have killed that child.” – Pepper-Tea
“Jesus, OP was ordering and ‘forgot’ about the peanut allergy. No one forgets about a peanut allergy, it’s the most known and most threatening allergy.”
“I’m a grown-a** adult and go for food with other grown-a** adults. When we arrive, I list off any allergies. That’s nothing you can act, like, ‘Whoops, I forgot about that,’ about here.” – lil_red_irish
“YTA. I mean, you two LITERALLY could have been the cause of the little girl dying. The dad is 100% right to cancel the wedding if his kid isn’t safe around his fiancee.”
“But… was it that you really forgot? Or did you want to test the limits? Or did you sort of wish that Anna wouldn’t marry him?”
“You said, ‘He directed his frustration toward me and Anna.’ WHO ELSE do you think should have been the target? His daughter?!”
“You two were the adults he gave the reminder to. Your friend has been with him for a while, you both KNEW FOR A WHILE about her allergy. He reminded you.”
“After a while… the more I think about it… It sort of sounds weird that you ‘just forgot’…” – Rohini_rambles
“‘Just forgot’ can also be code for ‘didn’t care to remember,’ and that’s the vibe I’m getting.”
“I’d NEVER forgive myself if I caused a seven-year-old to have an allergic reaction, especially if I was specifically told about it beforehand.” – BondingBonds
“ESH. How can you forget to ask the waitstaff about allergens when ordering when you just were reminded in the car? I have to honestly think the stepmom is an id**t.”
“My niece had life-threatening allergies, and we went through a whole song and dance with every restaurant.”
“In the 2000’s it wasn’t yet known that latex gloves in a restaurant generally wouldn’t provoke a reaction in allergic people. So we had to ask if they used them in the kitchen.”
“Well, most kitchens used a variety of gloves and had no idea if they were latex, nitrile, or polyurethane. Sometimes the chef would bring boxes for us to look at. It was quite a circus.” – IndividualUmpire969
Others found the bride equally at fault for not checking her stepdaughter’s food.
“ESH. You should have paid more attention to Frankie’s safety, but you weren’t the only or even primary one.”
“Anna, being the one in the relationship with Alex, should have been more aware of Frankie’s allergy, no? Anna is the one more to blame here, and you are not at fault for the breakup of their wedding plans.” – ParsimoniousFood
“ESH, you most of all. Well, everyone but the kid.”
“You f**ked up, majorly, and all you care about is how you are getting yelled at. Not the poor kid that could have died.”
“Your friend should not have outsourced ordering to you. Nor should she have defended your irresponsible behavior.”
“A seven-year-old kid is old enough to be taught what a peanut looks like and that they must carefully inspect food if they eat out. Dad absolutely should have taught her that survival skill, because obviously not all adults can be trusted.” – MeanestGoose
“ESH, except Alex and Frankie, Anna is the AH in this situation as she was the one marrying Alex and should have been on top of Frankie’s allergy.”
“YTA for crying because it was literally a life or death situation for Frankie and Alex did not overreact.”
“Frankie is more important than you in this situation and Anna should have backed off and agreed with Alex until things calmed down.”
“If you two can’t keep his daughter safe, what else do you expect him to do?” – Ok_Image6174
“ESH. You aren’t ultimately responsible for the peanuts, as you’re not that kid’s parent, but this also isn’t a time for you to play the victim.”
“Anna f**ked up majorly. They absolutely SHOULDN’T be getting married if she can’t remember to be concerned about peanuts.” – MotherOfPuppos
“I think OP and Anna are both a**holes. They went to a Chinese restaurant with a kid who has a peanut allergy.”
“Stepmom Anna disappears to the bathroom telling OP to just ‘order something’ for the kid (which totally blows my mind). Even though OP was the one who ordered it, Anna is at least as guilty as OP.”
“At a minimum, Anna should have taken responsibility to choose a meal for Frankie and to remind OP to mention the peanut allergy. Really, though, Anna should have waited to go to the bathroom until after she ordered.”
“OP is also an a**hole for the title. The wedding was not called off because you cried! The wedding was called off because the stepmom-to-be and her good friend nearly killed the daughter of the groom-to-be! Anna’s attitude towards the incident also seems to play a major role here.” – TheOpinionIShare
Some questioned what they were thinking when taking Frankie to a Chinese restaurant.
“Maybe I’m just restaurant ignorant, but I don’t think I’ve ever been to a place that serves kung pao chicken that isn’t a Chinese food type of place. Like, I’m not going to the local generic restaurant in the area and having kung pao chicken as a menu option.”
“That style of food uses peanut and peanut oil in A LOT of their dishes. So to me, it doesn’t even seem a matter of the specific dish that was ordered for the child, but rather that OP and Anna would take the child to a Chinese food restaurant.”
“A peanut allergy is SO sensitive and severe generally that cross-contamination is a big concern.”
“Even ordering a dish that doesn’t explicitly have peanut in it, in a restaurant whose kitchen uses a lot of peanut product, is a big risk simply for the likelihood of inadvertent cross-contamination within the kitchen.” – tenakee_me_
“A safe (with peanut allergies) assumption with many Asian restaurants would be everything is potentially tainted. There’s peanut oil, peanuts, and peanut butter all in use at many places.”
“My nephew has a peanut allergy, and I always err on the side of caution.” – AffectionateSector77
“I have a friend with a sesame allergy. It’s just easier for us to stick to something like Italian if we eat out.”
“Somebody as ignorant about allergies as OP shouldn’t be taking somebody with a peanut allergy out to eat at all.” – Ok-Penalty7568
“YTA. My kids have allergies, and we call every restaurant before we go. They’re teens/young adults, so they call for themselves too. We say, ‘Someone in our party is allergic to fish/shellfish. Can you accommodate us at your restaurant?'”
“We went to one today and all my child could have is their pizza but that was fine with them. We pretty much pick out what they’re eating before we leave the house. An allergic reaction is real and minutes count.” – procrastinatorsuprem
But some pointed out that the wedding being called off wasn’t the OP’s fault, at least.
“Mixed judgment: YTA for forgetting, but NTA for causing their wedding to be called off.”
“It wasn’t you. It wasn’t like you don’t believe in allergies or thought it’d toughen him up or something stupid; you just forgot, which isn’t great, but it happens. For it to blow up like this says there were bigger underlying issues at play and this just brought them forward. If it wasn’t this, it would’ve been something else.”
“You’re just a convenient target, likely because neither side wants to admit to those bigger underlying issues.” – BetweenWeebAndOtaku
“Partial YTA… YTA (and your friend) for letting the kid have food with peanuts in it, but NTA for their wedding being called off.”
“It’s likely there were other relationship issues that led to its demise and this was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.” – skanktopia
“YTA for forgetting the allergy (the kid could have DIED, how could you forget that?!), but NTA as far as the wedding being called off.”
“The argument may have been the breaking point, but it seems highly unlikely this was the only stress on the relationship. Big breakups don’t come out of nowhere or from a single incident.” – B0xyPandora
“I really doubt your tears were the reason. Likely it was because Anna said something unforgivably mean or stupid when she was defending you from her rightfully angry partner.”
“When someone tells you they have a life-threatening allergy or some other dietary restriction that causes them actual health consequences, you need to remember that. For your friends and family, it’s just showing that you care.”
“And for CHILDREN? It’s life and death important. And he literally reminded you right before you left. I can understand crying because you felt guilty, but please do better in the future.”
“NTA for the wedding getting called off, but you definitely are for immediately forgetting about a child’s life-threatening allergy and ordering her something with that in it. Of all the things on the kid’s menu, you had to pick peanuts… How…” – SmadaSagua
The subReddit was totally appalled by the OP’s and her friend’s negligence, especially at the expense of a seven-year-old child.
They could agree that the OP wasn’t at fault for the wedding being called off, but then again, that was by far the least concern here.