Parents and teachers have been doing a lot of clashing these last few years.
Who knew children’s school assignments could become so divisive?
It’s amazing that any educating even gets done.
But very passionate parents can’t help but speak their mind.
Redditor StopLookingAtMyColon wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“A[ll]-I[n]-O[ne] Teacher said my daughter’s report is ‘immoral’?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So my 9-year-old daughter has an assignment every year where they embody a historical figure of significance.”
“She looks forward to this every year, and she really gets into picking her figure out and learning about them.”
“They’re supposed to pick three people, then the teacher chooses which of the three they can do.”
“This year, my daughter chose Freddie Mercury, Prince, and Anne of Cleves.”
“Today, the teacher messaged me saying that Freddie Mercury and Prince aren’t acceptable because they weren’t ‘moral’ people.”
“And Anne of Cleves isn’t acceptable because she didn’t make enough of an impact on the world.”
“For reference, last year my daughter was Frida Kahlo, and the year before she was Josephine Baker.”
“I prepared a big, long response about how morality is subjective, every human is complex and not wholly moral or immoral, my family doesn’t believe in judging other people’s morality, and that choosing a ‘moral’ person wasn’t even a condition as part of the assignment.”
“But then my husband came home and found me seething, and he thinks I’m overreacting and this isn’t a fight worth fighting.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… am I overreacting? Or should I stand my ground?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NAH, you’re not overreacting at all, that teacher is being super inconsistent here.”
“If Frida Kahlo and Josephine Baker were fine, then suddenly Freddie and Prince are ‘too immoral’… what are we doing lol.”
“I’d absolutely push back, politely but firmly, and ask for the actual written criteria, because it sounds like the teacher is just imposing their personal values instead of following the assignment.” ~ Significant_Cold8386
“Freddie Mercury donated to charity all the time… especially AIDS charities.”
“Prince also donated millions to charities.”
“What is this teacher on???” ~ Mountain-Exam8871
“N[ot] O[ver]R[eacting] – I’d die on this hill for my child.”
“This teacher would never know what’s coming.”
“All of my corporate experience of escalating to supervisors, passive-aggressive emails, etc would come out to STAND ON F**KING BUSINESS!!”
“Also, this 4th-grade teacher is taking their job way too seriously.” ~ EmpoweRED21
“NOR, this is the person who teaches and shapes your child’s future.”
“You absolutely have every right to question and challenge them when there’s something wrong or inappropriate, in this case, the teacher being a homophobic, racist POS.” ~ VixiFox
“And what lesson would it send OP’s daughter to just sit back and take it?”
“I wonder if the teacher is a male, in which case they wouldn’t even know what hit them if it were me.”
“I would possibly even consider switching one character for a female who stood up to a male who tried to dim their light and get them to follow the status quo.”
“The lesson to be learned here by the daughter in standing up for herself is far greater than what OP’s husband thinks, and honestly, if my husband reacted that way, we’d be having words too.’
“My husband would get his own report as to why he was wrong in this case.” ~ betterupsetter
“Definitely not overreacting.”
“Just be sure to keep it professional and to the point; making it into an argument or problem may have negative impacts on your child when they’re in that classroom.”
“If the teacher isn’t open to a respectful conversation with you, then it may be worth going over their head and speaking to the principal.”
“The teacher’s job is to teach, to inspire, not to dictate to others their own beliefs, be it moral or otherwise.”
“It may be the teacher’s classroom, but that excuse only goes so far; that teacher is committing, and overreaching, and their enforcement of personal moral beliefs shouldn’t be allowed.” ~Smiglldorf
“You’re not overreacting; those choices are historically significant, and ‘morality’ is a slippery, subjective standard.”
“It’s reasonable to ask the teacher to clarify or reconsider, especially since that wasn’t part of the assignment.” ~ WeddingGlittering643
“NOR. Ask the teacher in writing why exactly Freddy mercury and Prince weren’t moral people.” ~ Diligent-Draft6687
“Freddie and Prince were very moral characters.”
“They were fiercely loyal friends and gave a lot to charity behind the scenes.”
“Anne of Cleves was fascinating as she had a close relationship with Henry, and he called her ‘his beloved sister.'”
“I suspect the teacher knows nothing of history and wants some boring essay on George Washington.” ~ Adelucas
“NOR – when I was in 7th grade, at a Catholic grade school, I picked up The Exorcist from the local library.”
“Brought it home and was reading it, so I brought it to school and read during recess.”
“My teachers lost it.”
“Called my mom and dad.”
“They had to come to school again to discuss my behavior.”
“My dad didn’t say a word, which was odd, but my mom said we don’t believe in telling our kids what they can and can’t read.”
“He is smart enough to understand the book, has talked extensively with his uncle, who is a priest about exorcisms, and he is going to finish the book – either at home, school, or both.”
“They wouldn’t let me keep the book at school, but my mom standing up for me meant a ton.”
“My dad, when I got home that night, explained why he was silent – he said she was so pissed off, he knew someone had to be calm and was ready to step in to calm the situation down.” ~ mjstl2
“My son did Henry Ford, and we discovered he was a notorious anti-Semite.”
“He was also a cruel man who was terrible to his family.”
“Yet he was ‘moral’ enough for an 8th grader to spend a few weeks on.”
“Adding morality to historical figures is nonsensical.” ~ utootired
“OP, no matter how this turns out with the teacher ( would write a letter to the school board and the state superintendent of schools, depending on your state, of course), I think your daughter is amazing!”
“Please relay to her that she is my hero for her intelligence and her discernment in choosing her subjects.”
“The kid is ahead of the teacher, definitely in morality.” ~ Bit*hee62
OP came back with an Update…
“Info: it is a private school, but it’s not religious.”
“This teacher is brand new and just started after Thanksgiving.”
“We live in northern Nevada.”
“It’s a school-wide assignment, so the teacher didn’t make it up.”
“Every class does it every year, it’s like a tradition.”
“They switch it up for the grades, like kindergarten draws a picture of their person while 8th grade does a several-page report.”
“[UPDATE] I’m not sure why the post got locked.”
“But thanks everyone for your support and input!”
“There is a resolution, but it’s pretty anti-climactic.”
“I emailed the teacher back, here’s what I said: ‘I’m sorry, but the assignment was a historical figure of significance.'”
“‘Morality is subjective.'”
“‘And if you think Anne of Cleves didn’t make a big enough contribution to history, maybe hearing a report about her is just what you need!'”
“‘I’d like to ask you to reconsider and choose from the list ____ provided.'”
“‘She thought about each figure long and hard, and she’s very excited to share about them with her classmates.’”
“I also emailed the principal with my concerns.”
“Here’s that email: ‘Hi Mrs. _____ Today Mrs. _____ messaged me that she didn’t approve of any of _____’s choices for Chautauqua for reasons that I feel are inappropriate.'”
“‘She said that Freddie Mercury and Prince were both not ‘moral people.’”
“‘I find this problematic for several reasons:'”
“‘It’s not a teacher’s responsibility to judge or encourage a student to judge a person’s morality.'”
“‘I try hard to teach my children not to pass judgment on people, so it bothers me that her teacher is encouraging her to do just that.'”
“‘A person’s vices aren’t something that would be in a third grader’s assignment to begin with.'”
“‘She specifically told _____ that both of them are ‘rockstars’ who used drugs and had ‘loose morals’ which is actually not even true.'”
“‘Prince was vehemently against drug and alcohol use and was very religious.'”
“‘But regardless, it’s wildly inappropriate to assume _____’s report would include a section about how Freddie Mercury liked to party and his drug of choice. Please.'”
“‘The objective of the assignment is to showcase people of influence, not morality.'”
“‘With ____’s last choice, Anne of Cleves, she told ____ that she wasn’t well known enough.'”
“‘I would argue that’s a perfect reason why ____ should do a report on her: to highlight her influence.'”
“‘I messaged her back and asked her to reconsider, because ____ was pretty disappointed when she came home.'”
“‘But beyond making her unhappy, I still thought I should tell you my concerns. Thank you, ______’”
“So the big finale: the teacher messaged me back with this: ‘I have talked with Administration about Chautauqua. We have decided that students may choose any of their choices.'”
“‘Please let me know which character you have decided on as soon as possible.’”
“So yeah. I’m glad this is the resolution because I’m not usually one to rock the boat.”
“Oh, and I also had a talk with my daughter about how sometimes teachers can be wrong and that it’s okay to question the rules if we don’t agree with them.”
“We also talked about what ‘loose morals’ means, that people who have different beliefs are not bad or good people, that drug use doesn’t shape a person’s entire character, and that she did nothing wrong.”
“We also discussed possibly choosing a different person just in case.”
It’s great to hear that there was a resolution, OP.
You stood your ground, and it paid off.
Reddit was on your side no matter what.
All three choices sound like fun.
Tell your daughter to have a great time.