It’s normal to be irritated and worried when belongings go missing.
Especially when certain belongings are of financial and/or sentimental value.
When the frustrating search begins and ends with nothing but a home turned upside down, that’s when people can start to get frantic.
And when people get frantic they get emotional and can be accusatory.
That’s why it’s imperative when faced with a situation like this, people stay calm and think before they speak.
Certain actions against others can never be taken back.
Case in point…
Redditor Extra-Perception-79 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for saying ‘enough’ to my wife’s ‘baseless accusations?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (M[ale] 31) have been married to my wife (Sara, F[emale] 29) for almost 2 years now.”
“Things have been pretty smooth so far, and we haven’t had any real arguments until recently.”
“Earlier this week, my younger sister (Amber, F27) came to visit.”
“During her visit, Sara discovered that one of her necklaces was missing.”
“Sara and I searched most of the house, but we couldn’t find it anywhere.”
“It was at this stage that Sara loosely suggested Amber might have taken it.”
“I told her that Amber would never do anything like that, and the conversation ended there.”
“Yesterday morning, the day Amber was leaving, Sara told me she wanted to search Amber’s room before she left.”
“I asked her not to and assured her that there was no way Amber would have taken it.”
“Sara didn’t sound convinced but didn’t say too much, and I had to run to work.”
“Later that day, when I was driving Amber to the train station, I noticed she seemed upset and was much less chatty than usual, so I asked her what was wrong.”
“She was hesitant to answer, but I persisted.”
“She eventually revealed that while I was at work, Sara had requested to search her room for the necklace.”
“Amber reluctantly agreed.”
“After the search yielded no results, Sara proceeded to ask Amber to search her bags.”
“Not wanting to argue, Amber complied, but nothing was found.”
“I was livid by this and apologized to Amber multiple times.”
“I assured her that I would address the situation with Sara.”
“Amber asked me not to, as she didn’t want future interactions with Sara to be awkward.”
“I reassured her that Sara’s behavior was unacceptable and that she needn’t worry.”
“After dropping off Amber and returning home, I confronted Sara about the incident.”
“She claimed she ‘needed to be sure’ and that Amber had been ‘acting suspiciously’ and ‘was being superficially nice.'”
“I told her that her actions were completely unwarranted and a major breach of Amber’s privacy.”
“Sara insisted that she was only trying to protect her belongings and said that she didn’t believe her actions were disrespectful.”
“She continued to argue that Amber’s behavior had been suspicious, but I interrupted her, stating ‘enough.'”
“I firmly expressed that her accusations were baseless and that she had made my own sister uncomfortable in my house.”
“We argued some more before I finally told her that I didn’t want to hear anything more about the necklace unless it was an apology towards Amber.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Did she demand to search everything in Amber’s room or just ask her?”
“Like ‘Hey I lost my necklace do you mind if I check in here? Did you happen to see it anywhere?'”
“Searching her bag was absolutely ridiculous.”
“The fact that your wife continued to defend her actions after not finding anything is actually the problem here.”
“A sincere apology would have gone a long way or maybe even claiming temporary insanity.”
“But to continue to accuse Amber of acting suspicious?!?”
“What does that even mean?? NTA.” ~ Alarming_Reply_6286
“If I were staying at anyone’s house and this happened (to ask to search the room) would have absolutely made me feel like they didn’t trust me.”
“They 100% believe that I straight-up am stealing from them, and exactly what they think and feel about me.”
“All of that is bad enough on its own but then your wife doubled down on her having taken the necklace and telling her that she NEEDED to check her bags ‘just to be sure.'”
“Has your wife always hated your sister??”
“Has she given Amber a sincere apology?”
“You say in your post that you told your wife several times that your sister wouldn’t do something like that, so I am assuming your sister isn’t a klepto right?”
“She doesn’t have a history of stealing things from people?”
“Sit your wife down and have a neutral conversation with her.”
“Swap their roles around for her.”
“Put her in your sister’s place.”
“How would she like it if after you visited her before you guys leave Amber decides to search the room you have been staying in (whether anything is missing or not) and then moves on to needing to check your wife’s bags ‘just in case.'”
“Would she feel good about it?”
“Would she like it if people basically searched her to make sure she isn’t trying to abscond with the family silver?”
“You’re NTA but your wife sure is.”
“She has done irreparable damage to her relationship with your sister AND therefore has also damaged your relationship with your sister.”
“If I were you I would be very careful of letting g her do anymore.” ~ TheBlueLady39
“NTA- Your wife has problems and I would address this before having any family over again.” ~ tayl8raven
“She’s showing signs of a serious mental issue is what she’s doing.”
“Her behavior was completely paranoid.”
“Not just the assumed guilt, but the ‘acting suspiciously’ and ‘superficially nice.'”
“It’s all over the top and strange enough that I’d really wonder what’s going on with her.”
“This seems to raise questions.” ~ errantknight1
“NTA. Not sure what Sara meant by ‘suspicious behavior’ so without those details I’m going to say there was no reason for her to assume Amber took it.”
“To jump to that conclusion about a guest in your house, let alone a family member, is wild.”
“Things get misplaced all the time, especially small items like a necklace.” ~ Elenardb
“NTA. Calling someone a thief is very hurtful and is a serious accusation.”
“Your wife should apologize, especially after she up and down went through your sister’s bags.”
“In what situation would she not apologize?”
“Reminds me of those videos where a person accuses another person of stealing their phone and then they find it at the bottom of their purse.” ~ Legitimate_Bison3756
“Most definitely NTA – your wife owes a HUGE apology to your sister.”
“What she did is not ok and can damage the relationship you have with your sister and your family.”
“Your wife seriously needs to take a step back and work on herself.”
“This type of behavior is not ok and can become toxic quickly.” ~ GlaDOS_22
“NTA. Your wife treated your sister very poorly and with no cause.”
“Further, she has refused to apologize for her objectively terrible behavior.”
“S**t like this can damage relationships for extended periods of time.” ~ Tacos-and-zonkeys
“NTA. Your wife is concerned with her necklace, but not with the fact that she humiliated your sister.”
“Not to mention Sara implied Amber is a thief and a liar, by demanding to search Amber’s room and personal possessions and using the excuse that Amber was ‘acting suspiciously.'”
“I would wait a few days and try to speak to your wife regarding her actions.”
“The way Sara treated Amber needs to be addressed, and Amber deserves an apology.” ~ happysunshyne
“NTA – your wife sounds paranoid.”
“Are there other things happening in her life to stress her out?”
“Did she previously have a good relationship with your sister or has it always been rocky?”
“You guys need to have a deeper discussion about this or it could drive a huge wedge in both your family and marriage.” ~ Antique_Challenge182
“NTA. I can see checking the room, especially if the rest of the house was checked, and asking Amber if maybe she saw it, but your wife went way over the line.”
“Did she at least apologize to Amber before Amber left — you want her to, so assuming she didn’t?”
“That is just over the line to not apologize.”
“Is this odd behavior from your wife?”
“Is there maybe a reason she was so paranoid to the point she thought Amber was suspicious?”
“Seems like ott so wondering if there is a reason.” ~ angel9_writes
“OP I don’t know if my own experiences have made me cynical, but is it possible your wife is trying to isolate you from your family and friends gradually?”
“Honestly, I could be totally wrong but I just thought I’ll say this because it’s similar to experiences I faced with my abusive ex.”
“I was wondering if your wife has been trying to find a way to create a rift between you and your sister and hid her necklace herself in order to do this Either way, you’re definitely NTA.”
“Unless it’s a situation where the person concerned has a history of thieving, that’s a horrible thing to accuse anyone of.” ~ Embarrassed-Panic-37
“NTA. I misplace things often and you know what my first thought is when that happens?”
“’Ah f**k I should have kept track of that better.'”
“I’ve never gone to accusing the people around me of stealing.”
“That’s not even my second or third or tenth thought, especially when the people around me have given no indication that they’ve done something wrong.”
“Your wife has some issues to work out, to say the least, and I’m sorry about what happened to your sister.” ~ robinmitchells
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
Your wife’s decisions have caused a bunch of family chaos.
It’s understandable that you’re mad and that Amber is upset.
A deeper conversation will need to be had before this gets worse.
Good luck.