Dad Angers Wife By Forcing Her To Memorize His Phone Number Like Kids After Emergency

I still remember my family's phone number from my childhood and the number for a family friend.

A lot of Boomers and Gen X do. It gets a lot more spotty with Millennials depending on whether they grew up with a landline or cellphone.

In landline days, you either knew a phone number from dialing it repeatedly or you looked it up in the phone book.

But now, you hit one button in your contacts and the phone does the rest. If you don't know thd number, you Google it then tap it and again, the phone does the rest.

We rarely "dial" or type in phone numbers, so we don't memorize them through frequent use. Today you can call someone every day—or multiple times a day—and never know their phone number.

A husband and father who wants his family to have a few nimber memorized in cas of an emergency turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Nosayaita asked:

"AITA For using a 'kids teaching technique' on my wife?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"My wife (36, female) and I (38, male) have been married for 12 years and have 3 kids (10, 8, & 5)."

"None of our kids have phones yet, so about 6 months ago we had a talk with all 3 of them to talk about what they should do if they ever get lost, in danger, need help, etc..."

"One of the things we talked about was them knowing both mine and my wife's phone numbers."

"I even made some flashcards with our numbers in addition to their grandparent's numbers so that they could memorize them. We kind of turned it into a game to help them learn and it worked great."

"During that time, it came up that my wife doesn't know my phone number by heart. In fact, she doesn't have any phone numbers memorized anymore."

"I told her that she should at least have mine and someone else's (like her mom) memorized in case she can't use her phone and she needs to get a hold of someone."

"She told me I was overreacting and that it isn't a big deal."

"She then asked if I have her number memorized and I railed it off to her without hesitation. Along with my mom's, dad's, and my younger brother's."

"Well, a couple weeks ago, she was at a work event about an hour from where we live. She somehow managed to lock her purse in her car."

"Her purse had her car keys and her phone inside. So, she had no way to get home and no way to call me."

"Thankfully, a coworker of hers was willing to drive her home. But then we had to pile all 3 kids into the car and drive an hour to get her car and then drive back home."

"Of course, one thing that came up during that drive was that my wife had no way to contact me because she doesn't know my number."

"If she had my number memorized, I could have brought her keys to her and saved her coworker the inconvenience. She got very defensive about it which I'm sure was because of embarrassment."

"But I used the situation as an example and told her that if it was an emergency instead, then it would be a much bigger problem. She eventually agreed that she would try to memorize some phone numbers."

"Naturally, since we already had flashcards at home for this very reason, I figured it would be a good way to help her learn. I got the kids involved as well just to reinforce that memorization for them."

"Problem was that my wife couldn't memorize the numbers. My kids knew them all by heart, even the 5-year-old."

"My wife got frustrated and embarrassed."

"She said she would just write numbers on a piece of paper and put it in her purse. I had to remind her that idea would do absolutely no good if she locked her purse in the car again or lost it."

"She got upset with me and told me that no one memorizes numbers anymore and that even if it was an emergency, she would figure something out."

"I told her that's not good enough for me. I told her I don't care how frustrating or embarrassing it is for her, but she needs to memorize at least my number and someone else's."

"My wife has a masters degree in biology. She's had to memorize numerous formulas, chemical compounds, Latin scientific names, etc..."

"Not to mention that we are both of an age where we had all of our friends' phone numbers memorized during our teenage years."

"She told me I am being a big jerk about this and making it into a huge deal when it doesn't need to be."

The OP summed up their situation.

"My wife locked her keys and phone in her car and doesn't have my phone number memorized. She had to get a ride home from a coworker."

"We have flashcards already made to help our kids memorize our numbers and I used them on my wife to help her. But she couldn't do it and got frustrated and embarrassed."

"I told her she needs to do this, but she got upset with me and thinks I'm being a jerk."

"I think I might be an a**hole for using flashcards to help my wife remember my phone number."

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

"NTA but I'm wondering if your wife has some learning disability affecting her ability to memorize numbers. I agree with all your points, I've had to use my husband's phone number in many such situations."

"But also, I've had to use my husband's phone number in SO many other situations, I'd have to work to NOT memorize it—just registering my kid for school this year required putting his number on 3 separate forms."

"Signing up for summer camp, music lessons, doctor's office; they ALL want his number too. If I go pick up his meds at the pharmacy, I have to give them the last 4 of his phone number." ~ Salty-Initiative-242

"This is the kind of dynamic you get when one person is technically right, but the other person doesn't want to do it."

"Should your wife memorize your number? Yes. Does she want to now that is a part of you being 'right' and her being wrong? No."

"You should drop it. Yes, you are right but also she is a grown woman who is making decisions for herself."

"That said, you don't have to be available to immediately drive her back to her car. You, also a grown person, get to make decisions for yourself."

"You can (a) have her make your phone number her pin number to her phone which is how I taught my young son to memorize my phone number or (b) drop it."

"You won't stop being right even if you don't bring it up. And when the next thing happens, you will both know she didn't do what she should have done." ~ invah

"Flashcards ain't a 'kids learning technique'. They are a regular learning technique that plenty of fully functional adults use every day."

"Learning and memorization doesn't come easy to everyone, so I get it, but as an adult parent, sometimes you gotta do painful and annoying sh*t for the benefit of the family."

"I'd suggest finding other learning techniques and maybe giving your wife some private space to learn without fear of being judged or compared."

"You're absolutely right that your wife should memorize some numbers, but you gotta help navigate the best path to help with her learning, rather than just emphasizing how important it is and adding pressure."

"NTA, but you will become one if you don't come at this from the angle of empathetic support and meet her where she's at." ~ honeybunchesofpwn

"NTA. Not an unreasonable request, especially for a parent, it's just a security measure." ~ BusyLight32

"NTA. Flash cards are not a 'kids technique', whatever that means. I use flash cards." ~ spencerchubb

"NTA. At all. It's exceptionally irresponsible for someone with kids to have no emergency contact numbers memorized."

"You're absolutely right to do everything possible to help her accomplish this."

"Also... I'm wondering if your wife needs to get a medical evaluation. It seems very odd that a young, healthy adult would be incapable of memorizing a 10 digit number." ~ Reddit

"NTA. In the past I knew maybe 25/30 numbers because I dialed them quite often ( yes really dialed, I am that old."

"Now with smartphones, using contacts, WhatsApp , Team and speed dials I lost the repetition of using the phone numbers."

"I have a new private number for 2 years, I have to look it up because I don't have to remember it any more."

"Luckily I know my wife's number, but it has been the same for 15 years."

"And the emergency number, but that is also an App in my phone now."

"On vacation I have several paper lists with important info like kids numbers, insurance numbers etc. For if I lose my phone (heaven forbid)."

"There are very small tubes you can keep a small paper with info on a neck chain or bracelet. Or give your wife a beautiful watch/ bracelet with your number inscribed on the underside."

"Or write it in the inside soles of all her shoes."

"Or suggest a tattoo." ~ TatraPoodle

While it's important to be able to contact family in an emergency, this couple seems more focused on who's wrong.

For the sake of their children, they should find a way to work this out.