There’s no denying that weddings are expensive.
And not only for the families of those getting married.
Indeed, chances are most guests will find themselves spending hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars on travel, accommodation, a present, perhaps even a new outfit.
Those involved in the pre-wedding festivities, such as bridal showers and bachelor or bachelorette parties, find themselves spending even more.
Redditor Workinonit16 was a bit hesitant about attending the bachelorette weekend of a friend of hers.
Somewhat allaying the original poster (OP)’s fears was that she laid out her strict budget for everyone, prior to taking off.
Unfortunately, a number of unexpected expenses continued to pop up throughout the weekend, leaving the OP feeling there was only one thing to do.
Having some doubts about her decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for leaving a trip early because it got too expensive?”
The OP explained why she took an early departure from a recent bachelorette weekend:
“I (28 F[emale]) went on a bachelorette for the weekend.”
“Prior to the trip I let the group chat know that I’m on a budget and need to know the expenses in advance before I can agree.”
“We all agreed on around $500 which I thought was doable.”
“Before getting there we paid for the hotel and ride around since we were drinking.”
“Which was $300.”
“We split it so that the bride wouldn’t pay for these, which I was fine with.”
“Then when I arrived, we had our dinner planned and went to a fancy restaurant.”
“I ordered the cheapest meal, and then one of the girls took the bill and paid.”
“Then following day I asked how much the tip was to pay my portion and the girls responded to just spilt the check and i said no my meal was nothing compared to them.”
“Then they expected us to pay for the bride for everything she’s ordered the entire trip, while she was getting the most expensive meals and drinks/flights at places.”
“Then said why would you come here and not pay for everything for her.”
“I understand paying for certain things for the bride but I wasn’t expecting to pay for her entire trip.”
“Other bachelorettes I have been on didn’t do that.”
“However, if they had told me in advance, I could have planned; everyone knew but me.”
“I told the bride that the girls were rude and that I can’t afford to stay, and I’m uncomfortable.”
“She said it was fine she appreciated my time.”
“Keep in mind, I wasn’t invited to the wedding because she couldn’t afford it.”
“Then uninvited me to the bridal shower and as a friend.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for bailing on the bachelorette party.
Everyone agreed that the OP made it clear that she had to adhere to a strict budget on this trip, nor did they feel this bride deserved any of the OP’s time or money based on the way she was treating her:
“They weren’t really your friends, you were just a convenient ATM for the bridal shower.”
“NTA.”- GirlDad2023_
“NTA.”
“You went in on good faith and were upfront about your limits.”
“These girls are going to be paying 3x the cost in credit card interest for months while you move on to better things.”- RealTalkFastWalk
“NTA.”
“Been there and honestly if the flight wasn’t so expensive I would have left early too.”
“I’m disabled, so I can’t work as much as the other girls, and I also didn’t realize that even though I bought her flight and her wedding gift, the other girls were expecting me to help pay for all her meals and her portion for Ubers as well.”
“I never want to go to another bachelorette party.”- Horror-Article7752
“NTA.”
“But the main part of this story I don’t understand is why you would be invited to the bachelorette party but not be invited to the wedding?”
‘Irish here and we call it a hen party, but there’s no way in hell anyone invited to a hen party wouldn’t be on the guest list for the wedding… the two things go hand in hand.’
“Is this normal where you’re from?”- oichemhaith1
‘NTA.”
“I had this with a friend.”
“I was invited to her bachelorette party and expected to pay for myself and then contribute to the bride so she didn’t pay at all for the whole weekend which ok I kinda understand: then found out that everyone else invited to the bachelorette was invited to the entire wedding except me who is only invited to the evening do.”
“Also to note, I am not local to the wedding, so I’ve either got to find a hotel to stay at or just go, show my face for an hour or two, and drive home.”
“So yeah, pretty gutted about it to be fair, as I thought we were closer than we were and meant more to each other than that.”
“I didn’t go to the bachelorette in the end as I was a bit annoyed at being expected to pay out all this money to spend time with the bride yet clearly they don’t care that much about spending that time with you if they don’t even invite you to the main event?!”
“On the plus side, at least when I get married I know who to not bother inviting!”-Magz555
“NTA.”
“You weren’t even invited to the wedding but were expected to go to the bachelorette?”- Inevitable-Place9950
“NTA.”
“You asked what expenses would cost, and they said $500.”
“That should be all expenses.”
“To expect you to shell out hundreds more without warning is a-holish.”
“I would also have left.”
“Be glad you don’t have to repeat their performance for a shower.”- ToastetteEgg
“NTA.”
“And I absolutely applaud you for sticking to your guns!’
“It’s so hard to do, especially in group scenarios like these.”
“Learn from this scenario and be proud of yourself.”- swedej19
“NTA.”
“These people sound terrible.”
“You don’t need them in your life.”- Zefram71
“NTA.”
“Your ‘friends’ were too broke to do all the wedding sh*t they wanted to and too immature to make concessions.”
“I’m curious: how long were you friends with them?”- jajais4u
‘NTA.”
“And not all bachelorette parties are like this, but yeah, they get expensive.”
“I’ve been in a few weddings.”
“My last Bachelorette trip, the bride wanted an expensive hotel, but paid for half, and we split the rest because she wanted a huge suite and knew it was more than we could afford to split.”
“Dinner and bottle service cost us, but splitting it 5 ways wasn’t awful.”
“Bride did not expect us to pay for everything for her and didn’t guilt us either, we all offered to cover here and there like normal people, and no one guilted anyone.”
“It was a great trip.”
“I did spend like $800, which is normal-ish for a blowout weekend in Vegas.”
“Those people you went with sound awful.”
“Unless it’s your best friend or family, say no next time and save yourself the drama.”
“You could have offered to take the bride out to dinner to celebrate just the two of you instead of going with those wenches with bottomless wallets and unnecessary guilt trips.”
“Good luck OP and forget those AH’s!!”- So-Not-My-Favorite
“NTA.”
“Budgeting issues on trips like this are always rife for drama, but you did the right thing by asking about costs up front and they should have been more specific about what costs would be split, how, and exactly what was being covered for the bride.”
“It is insane that the assumption seemed to be that you’d all be covering EVERYTHING for the bride.”
“I’ve done destination bachelorette trips or milestone birthday trips where we will cover the cost for the guest of honor for the main big dinner or mayyybe something else too like the hotel if everyone is sharing rooms anyway, but certainly not every expense the entire trip.”
“And that doesn’t even touch upon the sh*ttiness of the wedding and bridal shower invites.”
“Did she uninvite you to the shower after you left the bachelorette trip as retaliation?”
“This sounds like a harsh way to discover how you’re valued in a friendship and if that friendship is worth it to you to continue to pour into.”
“For anyone with big group trips in their future, the last group trip I went on we used Splitwise and that was great to keep track of who owes who, how much, etc as you go and can settle up along the way or wait until the end or decide to put the next thing on your card, blah, blah, blah.”- No-Praline-9536
It’s pretty crummy that the ones who arranged this weekend seemed to completely ignore the OP’s strict budget.
Not as crummy as the fact that the OP was expected to shell all this money out on a bride whose wedding she wasn’t even invited to.
If the OP made one mistake, it wasn’t leaving the bachelorette weekend early, but rather that she went at all.