Parents of newborns have A LOT to worry about.
There are a million things a day that have to be taken care of.
And when parents aren’t tending to their new baby, they’re trying to grab a wink of sleep.
But that doesn’t always stop people from asking for things that don’t relate to their child.
Is it impossible for new parents to find a little extra time every day to assist others?
Redditor throwawayaita278902 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to ask my partner if he’ll drive my friend to work when I go on maternity leave?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am currently 7 months pregnant and I give my friend a ride to work.”
“I’ve been doing this the last year because they lived 3 minutes away from me when I was in my old apartment, and I continued to do the favor when I moved in with my partner.”
“I’m going on maternity leave next month and my friend has no idea how she is getting to and from work.”
“She’s been trying to figure it out since I found out I was pregnant but she cannot drive.”
“There are no driving schools nearby.”
“The closest one is 2 hours away, and they have no family to help them.”
“I said I wish I could help more, but giving her rides while I’m on maternity leave and driving with a newborn at 6 am just isn’t happening.”
“Today she suggested I ask my partner (my baby’s father) if he would drive her, and I said no I’m not asking.”
“We have to be at work at 6:30 and my partner has to be at work at 7:30, and we live 10/15 minutes from my friend and our job is 20 minutes away from his job.”
“And I’m not making my partner wake up earlier than he normally does to get ready for work and drive my friend to work because she can’t find a ride.”
“She made a joke saying that he should because it’s his fault that I have to go out of work because he got me pregnant and as a friend, she would appreciate the favor.”
“I said I wish we could help but I’m not asking him.”
“She’s upset with me because I won’t even ask, but I already know my partner will say yes because he has people-pleaser tendencies so I’m making the decision for him.”
“Then she brought up how she wouldn’t have taken the job that I helped her get if she knew we wouldn’t be able to carpool anymore.”
“She figured it out when I couldn’t give her rides due to illness or appointments.”
“But now I feel like she’s trying to guilt me and keeps insisting I just ask and won’t drop it.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“It’s so nice to read about someone who protects their partner from being taken advantage of.”
“Absolutely NTA.” ~ DevotedRed
“Also, he’s going to be a f**king dad to a newborn.”
“He should be on paternity leave himself because fitting anything else in will be very hard.”
“He will not have any time for extra anything, no way, no chance.”
“He will be needing help, just like OP.” ~ DogmaticNuance
“Ride shares are great for the occasional trip, not twice a day, every day. It’s far too expensive for that.”
“If I got an Uber to/from work every day, I’d be paying about $80 a day.”
“That’s over $1000 a month just to get to and from work.”
“Public transport (which isn’t even an option for everyone) is less than 170 a month.”
“That said, it’s still not OP’s problem or responsibility to find her coworker a ride.”
“It’s an unfortunate situation for the coworker but perhaps she could ask someone else at work.” ~ Xavius20
“Exactly that!”
“My first thought was that he will need that extra time to sleep, or prepare from being tired because he also is having a newborn!”
“And the ‘friend’ to try and manipulate OP with that “’if I knew you wouldn’t carpool anymore bla bla bla’ WTF!”
“Since when is she so entitled and since when do we make decisions based on someone else’s help?”
“OP, you and your husband are going to start a new chapter that will require all your time and attention so do whatever is best for your family! Clearly NTA!” ~ Deidei27rock
“Exactly! I would understand the frustration if she just started this job and now her transportation fell through… but she’s been getting free rides for a year. A YEAR!”
“There are entire employment contracts that only last a year, and when they end, you just get another job.”
“Plus her friend is in a great position to find another job.”
“She has lots of notice, another year of work experience for her resume, and a very legit reason for leaving (transportation as opposed to poor performance/fit, etc).”
“Plus she should have started exploring other options months ago when OP moved, as she’s been going out of her way to pick her up since.”
“Entitled is the perfect word!” ~ classyrock
“She’s not smart enough to figure out for herself that OP driving her to work with a newborn wouldn’t be an option?”
“Her failure to plan doesn’t make an emergency for OP.”
“She’s a grown woman who shouldn’t expect her friend to be her long-term solution.” ~ cyn507
“Your friend is wildly entitled.”
“If your partner has an extra hour to spend, it’s not going to be driving her.”
“It’s going to be spent caring for his pregnant wife and then his newborn.”
“You don’t have to engage in this conversation anymore.”
“Just tell her that she is responsible for finding her own ride, that you have given her ample notice, and that this subject is closed.”
“And then ignore it from now on.”
“And maybe reconsider driving her if/when you return to work. NTA.” ~ Aylauria
“Plus the whole ‘I wouldn’t have taken the job if you couldn’t drive me’ is BS.”
“OP is NOT required to spend the next decade or more driving her ‘friend’ to and from work.”
“OP has already continued to do so even after moving away, which was above and beyond.” ~ One_Ad_704
“Your friend had more than enough time to figure things out.”
“It takes nine months to have a baby.”
“She could have taken time off work and ridden public transportation or taken a ride-share to the driving school, then got her license and rented a car.”
“There are people online who need people to carpool with them for gas money.”
“She could also ask other people at work for a ride.”
“She could also get a moped, motorcycle, or bike to rent or buy secondhand.”
“It’s not your responsibility to teach her how to be an adult.”
“Additionally, people with such entitlements will put a wedge in your relationship.”
“I’m not saying your S[ignificant] O[ther] will cheat, but she may put him in a compromising situation or try to seduce him.” ~ EcstaticMolasses6647
“Not only during maternity leave but when you return back to work you will have a lot on your plate.”
“Night feeding, morning diapers, preparing formula, and dropping baby for the caregiver.”
“You may not have an extra 15 min each way to cover her.”
“So she needs to figure out her rides or find a new job. NTA.” ~ Consistent_Ad_805
“Totally agree with this.”
“Friend is starting to sound a little entitled.”
“This would be the perfect time to let her know the arrangement isn’t working anymore, and let this co-worker be an adult and figure out how to get to work.” ~ EffectiveBag3172
“NTA. It’s true – I have to say as someone who’s worked for many years without driving, it would have never even occurred to me to ask someone from work to make it their problem to help me get in while they were out on leave.”
“Even if I was paying them for rides normally.”
“My way to and from work was my problem.”
“I’d bike, I’d bus, I’d walk, and I’d pay other drivers.”
“I’d never ask someone if it wasn’t on the way, and I’d never make it their problem if they said no.” ~ Witty_Stop_4366
“NTA. As parents of a newborn, you will have A LOT on both your plates.”
“Neither one of you should be adding to that.”
“Even if you are doing the lion’s share of the parenting while he works, having a newborn is just overwhelming and a big adjustment, and he’ll also need to be supporting you in your recovery.”
“He’s going to be exhausted and overwhelmed too.”
“He shouldn’t feel pressure to take this on as well.”
“She’s an adult.”
“It’s time for her to take responsibility for her own transportation.”
“This didn’t come out of nowhere.”
“She’s had 8 months to prepare for this situation and resolve it.”
“It’s unfortunate that she was not able to do so, but you simply will not be able to continue to be her personal Uber with a newborn at home.”
“The answer is no.” ~ CrewelSummer
“NTA, she sounds like a bit of a leech, to be honest.”
“She could do driving courses online and likely have you or someone else help with the road time while she’s on her permit.”
“This is on her for letting it go until it’s at a crisis point.”
“But maybe that could be the offer – tell her to get her permit and you or your partner can go driving with her some afternoons so she can build her hours and get a license.”
“Ultimately though it’s not your problem to solve, you’re gonna have a lot more on your plate soon enough.” ~ maj0rdisappointment
“No is a complete sentence.”
“Taxis, Uber, Lyft, and a million other ways besides you. You.”
“You get back from maternity leave.”
“I would stop giving her rides altogether.”
“Tell her either find a way to work or get another job, but I’m not driving you anymore.”
“She’s being annoying and just wants to make it easier on herself and not you.”
“Stop responding to her stupidity and just say sorry I’m done giving you a ride.”
“It’s easy, it’s fast and she doesn’t deserve it. NTA.” ~ Even_Enthusiasm7223
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
This is her issue to figure out.
You have to worry about your family.
Focus on you.
Good luck.