Planning a trip, whether big or small, takes time and effort.
That is why for many people, having all the information for said trip is imperative.
Having the right amount of planning helps with the comfort of the time away.
When certain details are left out or overlooked the stress reaction is real.
Redditor InformationFar9065 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for leaving my partner’s family reunion without warning after he (33 M[ale]) failed to tell me (33 F[emale]) we were having professional family photos taken?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Context: As you can imagine, this is not the first time he’s failed to tell me pertinent information about the activity at hand.”
“We’ve had countless conversations about discussing the details ahead of time.”
“When similar situations have happened, he has completely failed to take accountability and instead blames me for being inflexible, controlling, etc.”
“Background: About 6 weeks ago, I had a major life change back home (different state) that has required me to travel 4 weekends in a row.”
“This past Monday, I flew back from my home state and then traveled 4 hours round trip to a neighboring city on Thursday and Friday for a work training.”
“When I arrived back on Friday, there was a safety situation at the office that required me to remain at work until 9 pm to have the locks changed.”
“Essentially, I was absolutely exhausted by Friday night.”
“Situation: My partner was able to leave Thursday evening for his family reunion (at the lake) and we agreed that I would meet him there on Saturday.”
“On Saturday, I made the 2-hour drive and arrived at the reunion around 1:30 pm.”
“About an hour into being there, I hear one of his cousins say that she has to ‘get out and go get ready for dinner.'”
“I look to my partner and ask, ‘We’re going to dinner tonight?'”
“Another cousin hears me and elaborates that we are also having professional family photos taken at dinner.”
“Because we are at the lake, I have only packed athleisure wear and swimsuit cover-ups.”
“I have no makeup, no hair tools, and nothing to wear.”
“I also have long, curly hair- even a ‘wash and go’ style takes planning because my hair stays wet for hours.”
“His sister tries to reassure me but literally NO ONE wants to be unprepared for professional photos with their in-laws at a family reunion.”
“I am simply unable to recover.”
“I let him know that I have only packed 1 dress (that is very, very obviously a swimsuit cover-up), and he, in a group conversation with his family, attempts to encourage me to wear that cover-up for the pictures.”
“I leave the dock and walk back to where we are staying.”
“After taking a shower and sorting through my thoughts, I ultimately decide that I will not be attending dinner or pictures.”
“At 4:30 pm, his mom knocks on the door and lets him know it is time to leave to make it on time for 5:00 pm pictures.”
“I let him know I will not be going and he immediately gets upset with me and insinuates I am being unreasonable.”
“At that moment I privately decide I will be leaving the reunion altogether once he goes to dinner.”
“I wait for him to leave, pack my stuff, and drive back home.”
“He is very upset with me and sends a text saying, ‘I am really hurt you left.'”
“We have not spoken since and are in a standoff about the whole thing.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, am I the a**hole for leaving my partner’s family reunion after he failed to prepare me for professional family photos?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA – but was there not an email or text thread you were a part of here?”
“But yeah, I can’t blame you for being pissed.” ~ jrm1102
“And where does it end?”
“Does she need to be in all his friend’s group chats?”
“His hobby participants group chats?”
“His workplace social group chats?”
“OP wants to be respected by her partner to have him understand why it’s necessary to pass on relevant and important information to her promptly.”
“And understand why it’s hurtful when he doesn’t.”
“That is the real issue.” ~ Professional_Ruin953
“Obviously, they would only have to include her in conversations that concerned her.”
“OP and her partner have been together for four years.”
“There is no reason why she can’t be included in conversations about events to which she was invited.” ~ Juanitaplatano
“By no means should OP become responsible for his family obligations.”
“Her S[ignificant] O[ther] should simply continue to deal with the natural consequences of his lack of preparation and communication.”
“Advice like yours is how women end up in keeping with no appreciation or acknowledgment for their labor for yet another generation.” ~ poopja
“I had to do this.”
“My S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] called me on 2 different occasions because we either missed a get-together or did not RSVP in time and couldn’t go.”
“She was pretty upset both times.”
“That’s when I finally told her ‘You tell your brother who forgets things and they never make it to me.'”
“‘Either you put me on these text threads or I won’t get any invites and you get to be upset at us missing your kids’ events.'”
“It has not been a problem since as I get either added to threads or individual texts to make sure I got the information.”
“Saved a lot of heartache.” ~ Bethdoeslife
“That’s not always possible.”
“My husband’s family has a big group chat that I’m in for plans for holidays and the like.”
“However, after the initial announcement, almost all the other details only end up in the sibling group chat which I’m not a part of and my husband often forgets to relay that information.”
“Since his siblings are always chatting in the group text anyway, it’s just what happens.”
“I wouldn’t want to be in that text group anyway since it’s just the siblings.”
“So even though I’m in the big text group, not all info ends up in it.”
“OP’s boyfriend needs to take responsibility for not relaying pertinent information to OP.”
“I hope he learns to communicate better in the future, but in my experience, I find asking for pertinent info repeatedly helps (even if I’m busy & stressed out).” ~ Capable_Push4119
“He’s mad at you for reacting to the situation he caused.”
“4 years in, he has experienced you getting ready for different events.”
“Attentive partners would know what you’d wear for photos and how you’d pack for going to the lake.”
“A good partner would pass along info regardless, but he had to be particularly inconsiderate and thoughtless to not think of reminding you, especially with all the hectic work stuff.”
“Did he pick nicer clothes for the photos?”
“When doing that why wouldn’t he have reminded you to do so?” ~ notthedefaultname
“Right? It sounds like he never apologized, never offered to go into town to get something, didn’t show care about her insanely busy week and having to do a long drive tired.”
“It sounds like she should have skipped the lake house altogether and had a quiet weekend alone.”
“OP is NTA but needs to set some boundaries for her own well-being.” ~ invisiblizm
“Honestly, OP, he sounds like a tool.”
“Maybe it’s a rare thing.”
“I hope for your sake it is, but I have a spouse who can sometimes forget to communicate pertinent details and he’s been on the spot for having to go and buy me a whole new outfit, makeup, hair stuff.”
“My stuff is pricy.”
“He honestly didn’t do THAT particular ‘forgot to communicate’ dance again.”
“I’m sorry this happened. NTA.” ~ ConditionNo7451
“NTA. His lack of communication is the issue here.”
“You responded in the best way you could to his mistakes.”
“If you’d made yourself even more uncomfortable and gotten photographed in a swimsuit coverup while the rest of the family was dressed up, you’d have to look at that damn photo for years to come.”
“It also doesn’t sound like the sister or cousins were offering any help with make-up, hair, or a borrowed dress.”
“Let’s hope they at least let him know that he blew it because he certainly did.” ~ HowlPen
“NTA. Your partner repeatedly failed to communicate crucial details about the reunion, despite previous conversations about this issue.”
“When your partner returns, have a calm conversation about the situation.”
“Explain how his lack of communication made you feel and why you decided to leave.” ~ luminous_jette
“NTA, I hope his family doesn’t blame you for any of this, he dropped the ball.” ~ WhyCommentQueasy
OP came back with some information…
“ETA: We have been together almost 4 years.”
“We are not married but our lives are fully integrated (mortgage, family, friends, investments, etc).”
“He has a lovely family and I have a good relationship with all of them.”
“I packed essentials for the trip, like sunscreen/shampoo/soap.”
“If dinner and photos were not taking place, no one there would have worn makeup or styled their hair.”
“It seems everyone has a different take on what Lake Weekend means, but for us, it means laid back and dressed down.”
“Emphasis on casual.”
“To everyone who has at least acknowledged my frustration, thank you.”
“For the rest, there is no winning with a lot of the feedback.”
“My options are either that I am a drama queen for leaving and therefore pretentious, self-absorbed, and overly concerned about my appearance OR that I should have packed make-up, hair tools, and a photoshoot-worthy outfit without knowing any of the plans to SWIM AT THE LAKE.”
“You can see how this is impossible right?”
“I didn’t leave because I was worried about looking perfect in the pictures, I left because I did not feel respected by my partner.”
“Expecting someone to take formal family photos in a swimsuit cover-up while everyone else is in their Sunday best is unrealistic.”
Well, OP, it seems like Reddit is with you.
All you’re asking for is all the information.
Nobody likes to be blindsided and left unprepared.
The basic communication skills between you both may need some work.