We’ve likely all had at least one friend in our lives who we loved and would do anything for, only to be hurt when we realized that they didn’t share those feelings at all.
That realization especially hurts when we realize they’ve used our feelings of friendship for their gain, like acquiring an extra person for their wedding party, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor FarRecognition3309 had been friends for a while with a woman who used to be one of her clients, and she was originally very excited to be a part of her new friend’s special day.
But when her friend was not there for her during a dark period in her life, the Original Poster (OP) no longer wanted to be a part of the wedding day, or possibly the friendship.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting if I choose to back out of my ‘best friend’s’ wedding after how she treated me during the worst week of my life?”
The OP was excited for her friend’s upcoming wedding.
“I (35 Female) am supposed to be in my friend Sarah’s (31 Female) wedding, and I’m seriously considering backing out. I want to know if I’m overreacting and what you would do in my shoes.”
“Sarah and I have been friends for about a year and a half. She was originally a client of mine, but we became close after bonding over going through breakups at the same time.”
“A few months later, she started dating someone new, and they are now engaged.”
“After my breakup, I stayed close friends with my ex. We were friends before dating, and our dogs were basically raised together, so we still talked and got the dogs together about once a month.”
The OP went through a very dark period.
“At the end of this past summer, two major events collided. The day Sarah got engaged, my ex was found dead in his home.”
“I didn’t find out until the next morning, so I spent that day celebrating her engagement with her via phone (she was away). The following morning, his boss called me because he didn’t show up to work, and I was listed as his emergency contact.”
“I went to his house, where a wellness check had been called the night before, and learned he had passed away. I then had to notify his friends and family, and it was easily one of the worst days of my life.”
“During this time, I was boarding dogs for clients, including Sarah’s dog. Her dog has some known health issues and was scheduled for a routine treatment at her vet.”
“Five days before my ex’s funeral, I dropped Sarah’s dog off at the vet for her treatment. After the treatment, she went home with Sarah.”
“Within 24 hours of being back in Sarah’s care, the dog began acting strangely. Sarah took her to the vet, where it was discovered that the clinic had neglected to give her a prescribed medication during the 48 hours she was in their care. They also found a blockage that required surgery.”
“Thankfully, the dog made a full recovery. It was later determined that the blockage occurred after she returned home and likely came from eating a seed pod in Sarah’s yard.”
Instead of being there for the OP, Sarah made the situation much, much worse.
“Here’s where things blew up. Sarah is extremely reactive and unfiltered.”
“While I was literally at my ex’s funeral, she called me scream-crying and accusing me of causing a blockage in her dog.”
“At that point, her dog had not been in my care for five days. Knowing exactly where I was and what I was dealing with, she still chose to call me and place blame.”
“I left the funeral early to review all of my security camera footage from the days leading up to the vet visit, just to be absolutely certain. There was nothing, no opportunity for her dog to ingest anything while in my care.”
“For additional context, her dog has previously had her stomach pumped four times under Sarah’s supervision for eating foreign objects.”
“Sarah later made a million excuses for why her reaction was justified. What she did not do was offer a genuine apology, not even once, and it was confirmed that this incident was not my fault and happened after the dog returned home.”
“This also isn’t an isolated issue. When Sarah acts out, she tends to gloss over it and expects people to move on without accountability.”
The OP felt pretty over the wedding plans and the friendship.
“It’s been four months, and I haven’t forgotten or forgiven. I’ve realized I don’t really want to continue this friendship.”
“We don’t have much in common anymore, and despite living 15 minutes apart, I haven’t seen her since my ex died.”
“Her wedding is still eight months away. Dresses haven’t been ordered yet. If I stay in the wedding, I’m looking at spending thousands of dollars and months of emotional labor for someone I no longer want a relationship with. If I back out, I know she will have an extreme reaction, which is the main reason I’ve delayed making a decision.”
“Would I be overreacting if I chose to back out of her wedding now rather than stay out of guilt and fear of her reaction?”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some encouraged the OP to step away from this wedding and this friendship.
“First, I’m sorry for your loss.”
“NOR. Cut your connection with Sarah now before you accrue financial costs.”
“Additionally, do not keep her as a client. She cannot be trusted not to cause further issues for you.” – sog96
“Cut off contact. Confirm to her that you’re out of the wedding before any money has been spent on dresses, etc.”
“Don’t keep her as a client, either. She sounds quite unhinged and is very quick to blame others for her behaviors, and is obviously a selfish narcissistic arse (phoning you when she did) to boot.”
“Cut your losses with this jerk and move on.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m so sorry your ex passed suddenly. Be kind to yourself, and I hope you have genuine, real friends to help you through your grief.” – Pink-Trifle
“She can only be trusted to overreact, and has shown she can’t be trusted. NOR.” – Aloha-Egg
“NOR, and I think you know that. You already know you don’t want to continue this friendship.”
“Why would you stay in a wedding that is eight months away and spend all that time and money for someone you don’t want to be friends with and who doesn’t appear to give a crap about you?”
“Walk away from the wedding and the friendship today, no sense in putting it off any longer.” – puzzlegrizz
“Even if you back out before dresses are bought and adjacent parties are had, would you really want to spend all the time between now and then fretting about what will eventually happen anyway?”
“Give yourself the time to grieve for your ex. Once you cut those ties with Sarah, you’ll realise how big of a burden this woman was.”
“You may need to grieve the loss of the friendship, too, but I promise it won’t take long.” – EatThisShirt
Others pointed out that the OP didn’t need to care about the wedding when Sarah didn’t care about her.
“You haven’t been friends with her that long, and she doesn’t sound like a good one at that. Cut your losses before you get sucked into her Bridezilla demands.” – Chefmom61
“Sarah is a pr**k. NOR, and quite frankly, I would have cut her loose after the funeral incident.” – AssistantOk1481
“I would just text her, ‘Hey Sarah, remember when you accused me of harming your dog, where you made up me being responsible in a ridiculous way? I reflected on your behavior and your communication afterwards. I don’t wish to continue our friendship. All the best in your life.'” – RegorHK
“Be explicit about how you experienced her call and what was happening at the time.”
“I would send her a card with something like, ‘I’ve appreciated our friendship; it was an honor to be asked. Unfortunately, in light of the aforementioned, I’m no longer going to be able to serve as your bridesmaid.'”
“I know it feels awkward, but this was never a high-quality friendship.” – HeyT00ts11
“NOR. Decline the invitation to be a bridesmaid. Decline any invitation to attend. No gift.”
“Sarah will go off on you, but better this once than eight months of her doing so while you ‘pay for the privilege’ literally and figuratively.”
“It’s your choice on how you do this. Text, phone call, whatever. Send it and end it. Keep your messages on mute if you think she may be retaliatory.”
“Do not engage with this unhinged woman again. You’ve had enough trauma. I’m so sorry for your loss.” – MizPeachyKeen
“I would cut all contact now. Explain that one of the main reasons is her wildly inappropriate phonecall during your ex’s funeral. Tell her you didn’t need that kind of stupid overreaction at any time, least of all during an incredibly stressful and difficult time.”
“Tell her you are no longer willing to accept her ill treatment of you, her lack of empathy, and inability to accept blame, and you’ll take no further responsibility for her dog, since she seems completely incapable of supervising him/her effectively.”
“Tell her you wish her well for the future, but her dramatics and the absence of any form of apology have made you realise you no longer wish to be in her life.”
“Be prepared to block or mute her, as I fully expect she’ll go nuts!”
“I hope life is looking up for you now.” – demonmonkeybex
The subReddit was appalled by how the OP was treated by someone who was supposed to be her friend, especially during such a dark moment in her life.
Though wedding vows are the most publicized aspect of a wedding day, it’s important to remember that reciprocated love between brides, grooms, and the people they’ve invited to be a part of their wedding party are just as important, though for different reasons.
If Sarah really wanted the OP to be a part of her wedding party, she should have been more of a friend to her.