Vacationing with friends can be a blast.
When a certain group reunites every so often to travel and have fun the possibilities can be downright debaucherous.
But it isn’t always stress-free.
Planning the journey and executing the travel arrangements can be very taxing.
Not everyone may be on board with certain details of the plan.
Redditor TooEmbarrassed7 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not giving my plus size friend the queen-size bed in our B & B?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (30’s F[emale]) am going on vacation with 4 of my friends (30’s and 40’s Fs).”
“We go every year and always use a randomized selection tool to help us choose who gets which bedroom.”
“The tool assigns the order in which we can choose.”
“I got 3rd choice, and my plus size friend (Marie) got 5th choice.”
“The first 3 of us all chose the queen-size beds.”
“The other two got twin beds and had to share a room.”
“Yeah, it sucks, but that’s why we leave it up to chance so nobody can complain.”
“Marie asked me privately if we could switch places so she can have the queen-sized bed.”
“She is plus-size, but not so big that she can’t fit in a twin bed.”
“I personally have lost over 100 lbs and at my largest, was bigger than Marie is now.”
“I never once asked to switch beds when I was bigger.”
“I therefore said no.”
“She started crying and told me I was being unreasonable and that I, of all people, should understand.”
“I do understand, but it’s my vacation, too, and I’ve worked hard to be in a body I’m comfortable in.”
“I don’t feel like I should give up my spot to accommodate her when she can still fit in the twin bed.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“So you all paid the same amount and then left it to a randomizer to choose bedrooms?”
“Forget about the weight – if I paid the same $$ to sleep in a double in a shared room, while my friends paid the same for a room to themselves, I’d be pissed. Regardless, NTA.” ~ VeronicaSawyer8
“This isn’t easy – I’m over 300 lbs myself.”
“HOWEVER I will say that my chubby a** that IS medically disabled (and I do sometimes have to walk with a cane) can also sleep in a damn twin-size bed.”
“AND I HAVE DONE SO RECENTLY!!!”
“I’m sure she just assumed the odds would be in her favor, and then when they weren’t, that her friends would give in.”
“Sometimes life is disappointing.”
“Hell, I’m disappointed that I can’t go out and be active anymore because my body decides it wants to fight itself every waking (and non-waking) minute.”
“And therefore, I am now the ever-loving size that I am (plus I love milk in my coffee… it’s been my last thing to let go of!) But alas!”
“We all have disappointment!”
“And hers is NOT yours to own!”
“I say let that s**t go and enjoy that queen bed and the extra $75 you agreed to pay if you were drawn to get it! Definitely NTA!” ~ Awkward_Courage5
“I can’t stand whiners and criers.”
“She knew what the rules were; she knew what the odds were.”
“If she did not want to risk getting the twin option, she should have stayed home. NTA.”
“P.S. This is why I always stay in hotels, where I can get the accommodations I want without having to deal with other people’s juvenile crap.” ~ Odd_Pudding7341
“Sure she wouldn’t have an issue with the system when she gets first pick.”
“Has she complained other years?”
“NTA, everyone knows the odds and risks.”
“Being smaller doesn’t mean you don’t get a good bed.” ~ pandachook
“I mean, NTA regardless, but I’m just curious… does your system automatically give choices 1 and 2 to the twin-bed, shared-bedroom users next year?”
“Just to prevent people from having continued bad/good luck year over year?” ~ ti*s_on_bread
“The New York Times has a bidding calculator to divide rent fairly.”
“That might be a good thing to try in the future.”
“Basically, you put in the cost, rooms (or beds), and people’s names, and it asks one person if these were the costs of each room, which would you want?”
“Then it tweaks the numbers and asks another person, and on and on, and it keeps going until it calculates a pretty fair financial split.”
“If people want the nicer rooms, they can bid more for them until the other decides that taking a cheaper room is worth it for them.”
“You wouldn’t have been happy to take the twin for only 325 when the queen was only 400, which is why you chose the queen.”
“And why did the first two friends also choose the queens?”
“None of the 3 of you would have been happy to take the twin for 325 and but neither was your larger friend.”
“The three of you who got the queen beds win because you are getting the bed for under the market value because too many people wanted them at that price point.”
“If you want everyone to be happy, the price difference between the rooms needs to be enough for someone to want to take the cheaper bed.”
“325 wasn’t a big enough difference, which is why no one voluntarily chose a twin.”
“Would 425 and 300 have made everyone happy?”
“Would 500 and 275? 600 and 175?”
“I don’t know where everyone’s line is, but everyone had one.”
“NTA for not wanting to switch, and while you all agreed on how to decide, it was always going to end up being unfair to someone the way you decided.”
“Your friend should have handled it better, she knew before you guys picked that she might end up in a twin and kept her mouth shut until she lost.” ~ Tygerlyli
“NTA. This is the agreed-upon method of determining beds if she doesn’t like the results then she shouldn’t have agreed to the setup.”
“Also there’s absolutely no cause for her to demand larger than a twin.” ~ TheVaneja
“Isn’t a twin bed like 39 inches wide?”
“That’s 3.3ft. that’s not exactly slumming it in a kiddy bed or something.”
“I know this cos my kid has a twin XL, and I had to learn the sheet sizes in inches as some packages lie.”
“She’s also paying less. It’s a shi**y situation, but it is what it is.”
“I only say NTA because you guys used the randomized thing to pick the rooms. It’s not like you all outright set out to upset her.”
“She was fine with the prospect of getting the smaller bed until she did.” ~ HyenaStraight8737
“NTA. I am a plus size and can absolutely sleep in a twin bed.”
“Sure, a person who is much smaller would have an easier time in a twin, but I can totally sleep comfortably.”
“And she knew about the room situation in advance, so if she was truly concerned about needing an accommodation for bed size, she should have told the group in advance.”
“It can be embarrassing, but she could have told people in advance since you are all friends- listen, I can’t sleep in a twin bed so I am happy to pay more to secure a queen or look for a different house.” ~ mfruitfly
“NTA. You all have an established arrangement for picking rooms.”
“If she had an issue with that, she should’ve said something beforehand.”
“Expecting you to give up your room is unreasonable.” ~ RandomReddit9791
“NTA… she agreed to this plan.”
“When it didn’t work out to her preference, she asked if you would switch.”
“A reasonable thing to ask IF she will respect your response, which she’s not.” ~ christina0001
“NTA, tears don’t make someone right or justified.” ~ ashyjay
OP came back to chat and provide some info…
“We agreed ahead of time that the two people who got the twin beds would pay $75 less than the rest of us.”
“It’s just way too expensive to get a place with five rooms and five queen beds.”
“She doesn’t have any mobility issues or other disabilities that I’m aware of.”
“It’s $75 off of a total of $400 for the whole trip.”
“She never explicitly offered the $75 back to me, but I honestly can’t imagine she didn’t have that in mind when asking to switch.”
“She’s not the monster a lot of you are assuming she is.”
“Thank you all for your comments.”
“Many people suggested it might be more about her discomfort about sharing a room, and not as much about out the bed.”
“That would make way more sense to me.”
“When I was bigger, I used to snore and was completely embarrassed when I had to sleep in a room with someone.”
“Many also suggested I am lacking empathy. It is true, I do not feel empathy.”
“It is a long-standing issue with my mental health, and is why I often post on this account asking for help.”
“I don’t want to be a di*k, so I rely on honest people to call me out.”
“So I do appreciate it, even though many people who said these things were downvoted.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. You deserve your comfort as well.
Marie could’ve requested the queen bed from the jump in order to avoid this problem.
It’s great that you’re self-aware when it comes to your empathy issues.
You care, and you’re working on it.
Have fun!!