A lot of responsibility comes with being an owner of a home away from home.
Our Redditor and their husband own a lake house to enjoy during the warmer months but it requires a lot of maintenance and work to get things ready and livable after the winter.
When the couple went to their lakeside pied-à-terre to get it prepped for spring, the Redditor was in for a surprise that became an inconvenience.
The unexpected setback prompted them to react in a way that sent them to the Am I the A**hole (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment.
Master-Parsley-7127 asked:
“AITA for leaving my husband at our lake house with his family.”
The original poster (OP) explained why they ditched their husband.
“My husband and I own a lake house that we spend most of our free time at when it’s warm.”
“We go there over the winter to check on it and do any basic maintenance that is required. It is not set up for winter living.”
“We often invite friends and family over. We have almost two acres of land and there is lots of room to park an RV or set up a tent.”
“The house has a septic tank for the toilet. All the other water goes to a grey water tank we use for the garden and lawn. We only use biosafe products. We have a very well built and ventilated outhouse for when we have people over.”
The drama unfolded here.
“So last weekend was the one where we went out to get the house ready for the spring and summer.”
“We ordered the water truck to fill our tank. The propane guys to fill up that tank. We ran water through the pipes to flush them out and get them ready to use.”
“And his mom and dad showed up with his brother and his family. Which would be fine except it was a cold and sh**ty weekend. So they didn’t want to set up tents and stay outside.”
“I asked him why they were here. He said that he told them we were going out and they sort of invited themselves out.”
“They didn’t bring out much besides some sandwiches and a bunch of beer. They didn’t understand why we didn’t have any of the water toys ready.”
“THERE WAS STILL ICE ON THE LAKE. I asked my husband to tell them that we were not ready for guests and that they needed to leave or help. He wouldn’t do it.”
This left the OP with no choice but one.
“So I left. I said I needed to run to the store. I took my car and went to the grocery store five blocks from my house. It is an asian market with great sushi.”
“I think my husband expected me to just be going to the gas station a mile from the lake.”
“I left him out there to prep the house and deal with his guests. He is upset now that I left without telling him that I wasn’t coming back.”
“That he had to do all the work by himself. That he had to clean the house by himself. He said his family thought I was rude not to stick around and host.”
“I did not invite them. I told him that the house was not ready for guests. I told him that we did not have enough toilet paper for eight people.”
“He knew that we only had food for the two of us for the weekend. I think it’s his fault and his problem.”
The OP asked strangers online:
“Should I have sucked it up and taken one for the team or am I the a**hole?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was Not the A**hole (NTA) here.
“I was thinking E S H at first because you could have stayed and said they needed to leave, but no – that should be on your husband. You asked him to set that boundary and he declined.”
“Instead, he expected you to stay and clean the house, cook for everyone, go get groceries and supplies, and be a host to an unexpected group that should have been told no on the phone in the first place.”
“NTA – Your husband needs to grow a backbone with his family, and hopefully this experience will teach him to use his words.”
‘He said that he told them we were going out and they sort of invited themselves out.’
“This is where he should have said: ‘Sorry, I may not have been clear. We’re just going out to get it ready, it won’t be stocked and ready for guests, and we don’t have the time or supplies to host you guys this weekend. Let’s make plans for a better weekend for you to come out instead.'”
“You’re right – this is his fault and his problem. I hope the sushi was good!” – Discount_Mithral
“I despise people like that. My family always goes to a cottage (2 1/2 hours away) for two weeks in the summer. My MIL is an obnoxious alcoholic that none of us can stand to be around and my nephew (SILs son) listens to nobody and is spoiled rotten because SIL is the golden child.”
“One of the first years we went she was asked to bring stuff up and invited to stay for a BBQ. She caused a scene drinking so they left early..a couple years ago she just rocked up with our nephew (presumably because he can’t get into trouble cooped up in a car) she opened the car door let him loose and found a lawn chair with a beer in her hand.”
“We noped out of the responsibility and told her if he gets hurt he gets hurt you weren’t invited and he’s not our kid. Ours are now old enough they don’t need to be constantly supervised and our kids listen to the word no.”
“She claimed they ‘went for a drive’ when we asked wth she was doing and my hubby lost it. You didn’t ‘go for a drive’ and end up almost 3 hours away to dump him on us lakeside and get hammered.. We’ve since gone NC with all of them but I’ll never understand the entitlement.” – z00k33per0304
“NTA. As opposed to what? You cleaning the house? You getting all the supplies? You cooking for eight? You cleaning up after eight? Can’t he host his own family? You shouldn’t have sucked it nor are you the AH. You do have a husband problem, though.” – FuzzyMom2005
“NTA.”
“I think you need to let them know you are pissed.”
“Text the in-laws, ‘I understand that you are complaining I am not there to host. Hopefully, Husband has told you I didn’t even know you were coming. I would never have invited you to a working weekend, to a house that was not ready or to a weekend without enough food or toilet paper.'”
“‘It still isn’t clear to me why you are there under these circumstances. Either husband was insane and invited you without letting me know and without being prepared to look after you, or you ignored him and just arrived uninvited. Whatever, you all need to talk it through and leave me out of it.'”
“‘I will say this though, it is apparent today that you and your son don’t seem to realize the effort that I have expended hosting you all in the past. I think I will be cutting back this year.'” – WantToBelieveInMagic
“NTA. You told your husband that you did not even have enough toilet paper for eight people, he already knew there was not enough food, and he couldn’t just say to his family, ‘sorry, we just are not set up to host right now.’ I would have left too.” – Auntie-Mam69
“NTA…he was not alone. He had his family to help him. And that is what I would have done. ‘Oh in-laws! I did not know that husband invited more help to open the cabin for the summer! Whoopee! Now here is a list of what needs to be done. I will run to the store for a few more supplies while you all get started!’” – Worth-Season3645
“NTA. There are a lot of AHs in this story but you are not one of them. Your husband needs to stand up to his overstepping family.”
“Strict boundaries are needed to keep the freeloaders from running roughshod over the two of you. I would start by denying invitations until they have learned to be grateful and respectful.”
“Edited to add- my husband and I had a similar situation. We owned a beach house that was considerably closer to the town his family lives in than to the state we live in. Each and every time he told his family he was coming that way to enjoy some time off, one of his siblings would show up with a suitcase and proceed to invite her kids to join her AT OUR HOUSE.”
“This same sibling used the emergency key to give her kids and their dogs a vacation in our home. Another sibling would invite friends to stay there when we weren’t there.”
“We found out when one of our guests met the friends getting out of their car. We finally had enough of the entitlement and sold the house. It just wasn’t worth the constant interference anymore.” – Suchafatfatcat
Overall, Redditors were unimpressed by the audacity of the family visitors and by the husband’s inability to identify the problem and rectify it.
Hopefully, the OP enjoyed that “great sushi” guilt-free.