Strippers and bachelor parties go hand in hand and lap dances are par for the course.
As long as couples set bachelor party boundaries ahead of time, everything should be copacetic.
Right?
But when certain details are conveniently withheld from a fiancé’s night of pre-marital debauchery, it can take a toll on the marriage later down the line.
Apparently, Redditor ThrowRAMarriedOk never heard about one juicy detail from her husband’s bachelor party until after four years of marriage.
Feeling betrayed after reeling from a shocking revelation, the Original Poster (OP) sought Reddit’s Relationship Advice column to seek some guidance by declaring:
“I (30 F[emale]) found out my husband (32 M[ale]) hired my friend (26 F[emale]) to strip at his bachelor party.”
“4 years ago I got married to my husband after dating for 6 years, so 10 years total now.”
“My friend (Rebecca) has stripped since she was 21, she stopped last year after getting married and is going to be a [Stay At Home Mom] (SAHM) when her baby is born—we’re very close and we’re basically neighbours (she lives at the bottom of the road we live on).”
“Last week one of my husbands friends visited at the same time as Rebecca as I had made plans to shop with her, I forgot to cancel and she showed up.”
“After she left my husbands friend commented that he can’t believe we’re still friends after the bachelor party.”
“When I asked my husband what his friend meant he refused to comment and we got into a huge fight over it when he told me Rebecca had been the stripper at his bachelor party.”
“I texted Rebecca in the moment that I don’t want her around anymore, but she hasn’t responded in a week.”
“I feel betrayed by the both of them but I know it was just her job.”
“I miss Rebecca a lot but I’m so hurt.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
Strangers in Reddit’s online community responded to the OP’s query, with many saying that her husband deliberately hiring Rebecca was highly suspicious.
“I want to start with: you are fully entitled to your reaction to this.”
“This is something your Best Friend and Husband have been keeping from you for FOUR YEARS.”
“Obviously they knew it was wrong and extremely disrespectful towards you, otherwise they would have told you about it themselves. I put more blame on your husband than your friend, that was her job and maybe she was desperate for money.”
“But was your best friend the only stripper in town? No. This was intentional and wrong. Your husband lacked ANY consideration and respect for you and your feelings by doing this.”
“I would sit down and think about how your husband and friend have treated you over the years, whether they respect you and your boundaries. Only then should you have a big conversation with both of them individually to see if these relationships are salvageable.” – arh267
This Redditor slammed both the husband and Rebecca and speculated there was more going on between the two.
“The blame should be spread equally here. Husband is absolutely disgusting! While there are other strippers, there are also other customers friend should have went to.”
“I would never do that to my friend no matter how bad I was hurting for money and I would at least have the common decency to tell her, her soon to be husband tried to hire me so she would have the option to cancel the wedding.”
“This friend knew better. And if it really was just a job like any other job, why stop after getting married? She currently either has a new job now and plans to leave it to be a SAHM.”
“So it’s not like it was her only skill. This woman knew stripping would be disrespectful to her husband and knew it was disrespectful to her friend. She should have had the same common decency for her friend as she has for her own husband.”
“This friend is just as awful. She had 4 years to tell her friend and didn’t even have the decency to apologize when she was caught.”
“OP deserves a better husband and friend. I wouldn’t be shocked if it comes out friend was sleeping or slept with the husband.” – Ms1776
“I’m more concerned about the reaction of the friend. What exactly did go down that would make her not want to have Rebecca around her husband?”
“Just stripping? This can be done by a professional without anything shady going on, but it sounds like there is a possibility of further non stand service here. I think there is more going on here than OP is aware of and should find out.” – babylovesbaby
When asked to confirm who organized the bachelor party and if there was a discussion beforehand about laying some ground rules, the OP answered:
“He planned the entire thing, so him.”
“He told me there wouldn’t be strippers at all, I would’ve been less hurt had he been truthful and had it not been Rebecca.”
The husband’s friend telling the OP that he couldn’t believe she and Rebecca were still friends after the bachelor party raised a red flag.
“This statement would indicate that there was very inappropriate interaction at the bachelor party. More than just stripping you would see in a bar.”
“Strippers at bachelor parties are ALWAYS very hands on. There would be no question that at a minimum she rubbed her tits in his face and reached into his pants. With a friend, this would be cheating every time. Hiring her as a stripper doesn’t change that.” – qsteak
“And he didn’t wanna say anything about it, so I guess he purposely avoided adding more details.” – thinksotoo
An industry professional weighed in based off the implication that Rebecca was hired as a sex worker.
“Hey there! Former dancer here.”
“Strippers at bachelor parties aren’t ALWAYS hands on – sometimes, yes. But not ALWAYS. That’s a Hell of an assumption based on what I would guess isn’t personal experience in sex work. Strippers can escort, but not all escorts are strippers. And not all strippers are escorts.”
“Her husband hired a sex worker for the bachelor party. Her husband hired a sex worker that they knew personally. Regardless of who was touched or how they were touched, or if they were even touched at all, OP is considering this cheating so it’s cheating.”
“The sex worker was in the wrong working personally with a friend, because that’s a HUGE industry no no. The husband is wrong for cheating premeditatedly.”
“But don’t assume that because she’s a stripper, that’s she is escorting. That has nothing to do with this. She’s a sh**ty friend, a really sh**ty friend. But she could have been the husband’s affair partner without her career being involved.”
“If you want my opinion, OP’s husband was cheating on her with Rebecca previously.”
“The husband hired Rebecca because he thought he could get away with hiring her. Rebecca said yes, obviously (which again, is a huge sex worker no no).”
“Alcohol probably got out of control and with lowered inhibitions, they probably outed themselves somehow, I’m going to just guess because they were all over each other. I highly doubt that it was about her being a sex worker.”
“I think that it was about inviting his affair partner to a bachelor party where he could let loose and flaunt his stripper affair partner in front of his friends (because that’s cool or something).” – DoNotPayTheFerryman
“She has absolutely every right to be hurt. If my significant other didn’t tell me that there would be strippers that a bachelor party, even with my background in sex work, I’d be pissed.”
“That would potentially be the end of my relationship. But that would certainly be the end of my friendships with the worker. I don’t even care about sex workers being at a party, even about sex workers touching my partner at a party. But I definitely care about people going behind my back and lying to me and cheating on me.”
“I wouldn’t say that there are rules but there is definitely etiquette. Sex work can be a dangerous and taboo industry, even if you are only a stripper.”
“Never out somebody as a sex worker. Allow them to open up about the subject if they choose to. At the very least, a lot of people’s perception can be impacted by knowing that their friend or family member is a sex worker.” – DoNotPayTheFerryman
From many of the judgemental comments was this nugget of sage wisdom.
“You’re not going to be able to move forward until you address this directly. It doesn’t matter that it was 4 years ago, this is new to you so it’s the same as if it happened yesterday.”
“In these situations, I’ve found it helpful to just write everything that you’re feeling down on a piece of paper. Every negative thought or question or worry, put it on paper and get it out of your head.”
“The only way that this will be reconciled is with brutal honesty. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.” – INTERNATIONAL_CHEESE
Many Redditors equated the husband’s actions to cheating based on the lying and having erotic contact with Rebecca’s body at the party.
The OP gave no updates as to how she proceeded after the truth was exposed.