Money can be a poison to relationships.
Especially when someone is being stolen from.
A loved one taking money without asking leaves scars on trust.
Sometimes the best course of action is to expose a person’s betrayal.
But that action can often feel malicious and/or embarrassing.
What does one do?
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for wanting to tell my boyfriend’s mom that her son has been stealing from my business?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (25 F[emale]) am really struggling with something in my relationship with my B[oy]F[riend] (28 M[ale]), and I feel like I have no one to talk to about it.”
“He has been taking money from my small business without asking.”
“The first time it happened, he told me he needed to move the money into his account for house expenses, but I later found out he just spent it.”
“I stayed quiet to keep the peace, and after about a month, he eventually put the money back.”
“Before any of this, I suggested he get a second job since we have been talking about buying a house.”
“He refused and said he would never do that, so I dropped it.”
“Later, I invited him to help me with my business, which is making bouquets, and I offered to split profits with him.”
“Recently, I discovered he had taken all of the money, both his share and mine, without telling me.”
“When I confronted him, he got defensive, said he needed it for the house, and was rude about it.”
“The only reason I even noticed was that the numbers were not adding up.”
“I had already asked him not to use the money without permission, but he brushed it off and laughed like it was not serious.”
“Now he has done it more than once, and when I brought it up again, he showed no remorse and started giving me the silent treatment.”
“What hurts the most is that if he had simply asked me, I would have lent him the money.”
“Instead, he is sneaky, dismissive, and makes me feel like I am wrong for questioning him.”
“I have not told anyone about this, not even my parents, because I feel embarrassed and ashamed.”
“But part of me really wants to call his mom and explain what has been happening, hoping she might talk some sense into him.”
“The problem is that I know he will see it as me embarrassing him or being disrespectful by involving her in what he calls private matters.”
“PS: The first time he took money (he asked after already taking it), he paid it back within a month.”
“The second time, he paid it back within 48 hours after I hammered on about it.”
“He’s essentially using my business as some sort of credit card for his personal life without my permission.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Part of me really wants to call his mom.”
“??? Are you not an adult??”
“For one thing, he should be your ex-boyfriend, and for another, forget calling his mom, call the damn police.”
“Obviously, you’re not the a**hole, but come on, dude, you can make better decisions than this.”
“This guy is straight up robbing you, and you wanna tell on him to his mom like you’re on the playground?”
“NTA, but you’re making bad choices.” ~ BigBigBigTree
“Seriously, this is so messed up.”
“It comes across like OP is VERY anti-confrontation and VERY much a doormat.”
“To not be able to talk to your partner about the crime they are committing against you and to want to tell their mommy to scold him is quite frankly shocking behavior for an adult.”
“OP, grow some backbone and stand up for yourself!!!” ~ karenobus
“You do not trust him.”
“You do not share a life with someone that you cannot trust and respect.”
“It is a recipe for disaster.”
“At the very least, remove him from your business accounts right this minute.”
“Stop tolerating THEFT.” ~ addled_sad342
“Your boyfriend is a thief and a liar, and he’s using you!”
“Time for him to hit the road!” ~ Difficult_Leg_7693
“THIS! OP, he is a thief and a liar, AND he doesn’t care.”
“Why would you want someone who has proven to be dishonest, disrespectful, and untrustworthy?”
“You deserve better!” ~ Difficult_Leg_7693
“Get an account in your name ONLY!”
“Do not tell him anything about it.”
“Do not lend him anything; he is taking a big advantage of you.”
“Do not tell his mom, he’s not a little boy any longer.” ~ No_Carrot_5027
“LEAVE. LEAVE. LEAVE. LEAVE!!!”
“Get off Reddit and break up with the thief already. Good grief.”
“Why are you still with him?”
“How many red flags does he have to throw up before you realize you’ve anchored yourself to someone who is basically the gum beneath your shoe.”
“NTA, but stop being YTA to yourself.” ~ Peep_Power_77
“After he stole the first time, he should have been out the door.”
“I feel bad you are getting robbed, but I do not feel bad in other ways.”
“You can tell his mom after the fact that you broke up with her son because he was a thief.”
“Give this guy the punt immediately!” ~ Timely-Profile1865
“NTAH, you need to leave yesterday.”
“This is a crazy case of this person having NO respect for you.”
“They are openly stealing from you because they know they can control you and get away with it.”
“Please leave this person and respect yourself and your boundaries.” ~ MustardProphet69
“Why does he have access to the money?”
“You’re with a guy who is financially abusing you; he doesn’t sound like the winner’s choice for a long-term partner.”
“You would be NTA if you told his mum, he deserves a bollocking.” ~ ClaryClarysage
“Why are you still with someone that steals from you, tries to gaslight you that that’s not what he’s doing, and then gets mad at you when that doesn’t work?”
“I know you’re going to say you love him, but he has no respect for you or your things.”
“He sees you as a bank account.”
“Do not marry him, do not buy a house with him.”
“Do not allow him access to your money or business.”
“Hell, who knows if he has debt that you don’t know about as well.”
“He is not a trustworthy person.”
“He has shown you that.”
“Love yourself and respect yourself by kicking him to the curb.” ~ slayerchick
“NTA, but you should have known better after he took money from you the first time.”
“Dump his a** and try to get your money back.”
“File a police report if you have to.” ~ Cool-Cobbler4324
“You don’t need to ‘tell on’ him unless she asks why you broke up.”
“Your initial answer is that you can no longer trust him.”
“If she says explain, just tell her that he stole money from your business and refuses to pay you back.”
“You won’t tolerate a thief and a liar.”
“And then STAY AWAY FROM HIM!”
“Don’t trust him even if he crawls back and begs your forgiveness and ‘here’s all the money I took.”’
“Take the money and then slam that door again in his face.”
“Once a thieving coward and liar, ALWAYS a thriving coward and liar.” ~ Hammingbir
“So your ‘boyfriend’ is stealing from you and YOU feel embarrassed????”
“If he is stealing (which is exactly what taking money without telling you is called) AND he berates you when you bring up his criminal behavior, why are you still with him?”
“He has proven he is dishonest and a thief!”
“This is not someone you need to invest in emotionally.”
“Break it off and remove his access to any of your business and money.”
“That is the only way you will have any peace.”
I truly hope this isn’t a real story. Someone would put up with theft and belittling behavior? Please say it’s made up!” ~ KoolJozeeKatt
“NTA for being upset and wanting to expose him.”
“Not sure about telling his mother, but if you think that will work, go for it.”
“However, I can’t figure out why you are putting up with this thief and worrying about ’embarrassing’ him.”
“He should not have had access to the money from your business in the first place.”
“Take away access right now.”
“Frankly, I can’t believe you are still with someone like that.” ~ Why_Teach
“Yikes. So this will only continue and, unfortunately, will likely escalate into you having zero earnings for yourself.”
“I don’t care how long or strong a relationship can be.”
“He needs to get the boot and lose all access to your finances.”
“His mother shouldn’t be the next step – it should be a firm boundary and cut off of fiscal access, AND THEN the police if he steals again.” ~ robuttsinyourthighs
“What everyone is saying here. NTA, but unsure about telling the mom.”
“First, remove his access to any funds.”
“If you have proof of his theft, file charges.”
“Ditch this parasite.” ~ Erased_like_Lilith
“NTA. Sounds like you needed more boundaries, but now you will not trust him, and he does not respect you.”
“You should end that relationship cause it will happen with other aspects of your life together.” ~ Zestyclose-Bunch-852
“You need to give the boyfriend the boot.”
“Out of your house.”
“Out of your business and out of your life.”
“His Mom has nothing to do with this.”
“Apparently, he either never learned anything about honesty and ethics from her, or he completely failed.”
“This isn’t a boy.”
“He’s a thief.”
“A petty criminal that you are allowing to abuse you financially and emotionally.” ~ LiveLongerAndWin
“So, this person has stolen money from you multiple times, and you still allow him into your life?”
“Break up with him and make sure he has no access to your finances or property.”
“NTA.” ~ wesmorgan1
Reddit is with you, OP, and Reddit is worried for you.
This is not a good situation.
Your BF is stealing from you.
Tell his mom, tell his friends, and tell him to go!
You deserve better than this.
Good Luck.