Most of us want to be as helpful and supportive of our families as possible, but sometimes their demands can be a bit too much to handle.
A woman on Reddit found herself in this situation when her mother blew up at her for refusing to allow her and her disabled sister to live in her house.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by MysteriousWindow367 on the site, wasn’t sure about how she handled it. So she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for input.
She asked:
“AITA for kicking out my mother and disabled sister out of my home?”
She explained:
“I’m 21F[emale], I own my own place. I have lived here for a while now and I loved my own peace living by myself with no children or a spouse. My mom (41) wasn’t the best when I was growing up, she would bring men in and out of the home. I’m glad nothing happened to me but it gave me a bad view for her once I grew up and not a good relationship along with it.”
“I have a sister (22) who is disabled, physically and mentally. I grew up with her but it was extremely hard to form a relationship with her. I had to take care of her a lot growing up because my own mom wouldn’t do any of it due to my mom wilding around. My sister and I shared and room growing up and I hated every second of it if I’m going to be honest.”
“My mom has been renting for a place to live and few months ago she cannot live there anymore. My sister still lives with her and my mom doesn’t take care of her actively- she pays for a caregiver.”
“My mom guilt tripped me in her and my sister living with me temporarily, for a month. I eventually said yes. It was fine for the first few days.”
“My mom and my sister have been living here for now 3 months, my mom only said 1 month. I have to work a lot so I’m barely there anyways, but when I have days off I hate every fu*king second of it.”
“I know my sister cannot help it but she makes noises, a lot of noises, loud noises and it’s like I can hear it everywhere. The caregiver still cares for her, but it’s like having complete strangers in my home.”
“Long story short on my day off, of hearing everything and the noises and tantrums. I went insane and snapped. I told my mom she has to leave. She refused to leave at first but eventually she did.”
“The last thing she told me was ‘you’re supposed to be grateful that I gave you a home to live in, and you can’t give that back? You’re a b*tch and always have been’ I eventually told her to just leave and my mom got my sister and they both left.”
“I feel like I’m the complete a**hole because of the fact that I told her to leave just because I was tired of my sister, even though she cannot help it at all. AITA?”
Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this conflict based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
They were mostly on OP’s side and felt her mom was way out of line.
“NTA she’s taking advantage of you. I understand you want to help, but keeping that toxicity in your life is going to make you hate them even more. You have a good thing going and you deserve to be happy. It’s not your fault she flaked on her responsibilities as a parent.” —no_no_nora
“NTA. 1. The moment someone proclaims that you must be grateful, their claims to your gratitude end. 2. She said she’d be around for one month, she was around for three. You’ve borne what you said you would and more. You have your own life to live: your mother doesn’t own that.”
“The only part of this that sucks is that your sister is obviously innocent; however, you didn’t agree to permanently take care of her. You’ve given the help you can, and if you’re at end of your rope, you’ll probably end up being an ineffective caretaker anyway. People who are at their wits end don’t take good care of others for long—that’s just reality.” —memeposter69420clrk
“NTA. Your mum clearly is being lazy and negligent of her duties as a parent. You didn’t ask to be brought into this world, therefore you owe her nothing and she owes you everything.”
“As for your sister- it’s good that you recognise she can’t control making those noises, but she really needs somewhere to be if you can’t stand having her with you. Your mum clearly won’t do anything, so maybe look into a charity or something.” —DanHeppell
After reading her fellow Redditors comments, OP came back with some updates.
“EDIT- thank you all for taking the time to comment. I have no new news about my mom or sister, I haven’t spoke to her since she left. I haven’t been able to reply to comments because I have been insanely busy today but I just now read most of the comments. I appreciate it and I started crying at some comments because they hit a soft spot for me. I appreciate the comments you guys left, thank you❤”
“EDIT- to those who are asking me about how I have my own house at 21, I was given a lawsuit settlement (for undisclosed reasons that is a whole different story unrelated to this one) when I was 19 and I knew a particular person who was selling a house for cheap, so I snagged it. I would say it was a unlucky lucky situation.”
“EDIT 3- I will be speaking to someone soon for my sister’s behalf, I haven’t ignored this whatsoever or forgot. I am going to try to get my sister the proper care that she needs from someone or a place who does know how to do that, I do not want to take care of her anymore, nearly half my life was doing just that. Just a last final edit, she does not need to stay with our mom.”
Here’s hoping this family can work through their differences.