There are few things people dream of more than their wedding day.
There are some, however, whose heads get just as high up in the clouds, dreaming of the day they are proposed to. Imagining their partner picking the perfect setting, on the perfect day, with, of course, the perfect ring.
Many people go to great lengths to make sure their proposal will exceed the expectations of their soon-to-be betrothed.
Unfortunately, not all proposals quite live up to expectations.
The friend of a recent Redditor recently proposed to his girlfriend.
While she thankfully said yes, her response wasn't quite what he hoped it would be.
Leading him to go to the original poster (OP) for feedback.
When the OP gave her friend her honest opinion, it was not the answer he wanted to hear.
Having second thoughts about her response, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my best friend I understood why his fiancee is so disappointed that he proposed to her at the gym?"
The OP explained how her honest feedback didn't sit well with her best friend:
"I (27 F[emale]) was excited when my best friend (27 M[ale]) told me he had proposed to his girlfriend (29 F[emale])."
"He said he had the proposal on video."
"I was so confused when the video started out in woman's gym."
"When I saw his girlfriend on an exercise machine in the video, I had a bad feeling."
"She looked so shocked, and she said yes."
"She only looked happy for 2 minute,s and the rest of the time she gave an insincere smile."
"My best friend expressed frustration that his fiancée had confessed she wasn't happy with the proposal after he asked her why she looked so sad."
"He was venting to me and asked me how I would feel if a guy proposed to me while I was at the gym."
"I guess he really expected me to agree with him, but I said I would hate it."
"I said I don't want to be proposed to when I'm sweaty and stinky at the gym."
"I basically explained to him that I understood why she was disappointed."
"My best friend called me shallow and a bad friend."
"Am I the a**hole?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for being honest with her best friend.
Everyone agreed that the OP merely gave her honest answer to the question her friend was asking, and if anyone was being shallow, it was the OP's friend, who only wanted to hear answers that pleased him:
"NTA."
"That's a super weird setting unless they're both major gym rats, and I'm always wary about super public proposals, because it feels like the person doing the proposing is applying pressure."
"He asked you, you were honest, and he didn't like your answer."
"That's 100% on him."
"My best friend called me shallow."
"This response actually makes it worse."
"This feels like the kind of thing that was basically testing the fiancée, like, is she going to be a 'cool girl' or will she be disappointed/upset by this thoughtless proposal?"
"If he thinks you're shallow for not liking it, what does he think about her?"
"Your friend doesn't sound like a great dude."
"I wouldn't want to be proposed to at the gym."- Lucky_Volume3819
"He's asking for your opinion because his grilfriend didn't like how he proposed, and when you agree with her, he calls you 'shallow'?"
"Apparently, he was not really asking for your opinion: he wanted confirmation that his sloppy proposal was 'ok'."
"NTA, and he's the one who is 'shallow'."- KarinSpaink
"NTA."
"Also hold on a second, did you say womens gym?"
"As in like he entered a women's only gym & proposed to her?"
"My BF & I love to go to the gym together, but it would be sooo uncomfortable if he proposed at our gym lol."- plzstop435
"NTA for having an opinion and giving it to him when he asked."
"He's being a baby."- CannibalismIsTight
"A women's gym?"
"Thats even worse."
"It's not like, it's their together place."
"This was her gym."
"Why would he feel the need to do a surprise public proposal at all, but to do it in a place that she holds for herself, not one of their couple spots, is just so self-centered."
"You're NTA, but dang, I hope he was just reacting - sometimes when we are criticized, our initial reaction is to get defensive and angry; later, after we have processed, we can take the words to heart and recognize our flaws."
"Please give him the space and grace to realize he did screw up."
"He asked, you answered honestly."
"He needs to own his own behavior."- throwaway1975764
"NTA."
"I mean, he did ask you and you were honest, so like, he shouldn't ask questions if he doesn't like the answer."
"Also, you are correct, most people do not like public proposals to begin with, and will often say yes because all the eyes around them are creating pressure, never mind when you're really sweaty and listening to Eye of the Tiger on your Airpods while guzzling water and thinking about taking a long shower."- mooseplainer
"NTA."
"He asked for your opinion, and you gave it."
"An age-old saying goes, if you don't want the truth, don't ask the question."
"And yes, his proposal seemed very lazy and I, too, would be unhappy about it."- KoolKoalaQueen
"NTA."
"He shouldn't have asked if he wasn't ready to hear the truth."
"My husband proposed to me privately at an almost empty restaurant we love."
"For me, the privacy and no pictures/recordings were perfect."
"A good friend of ours set up a Disney Cinderella-themed proposal, another did a proposal at the top of a climb after a hike."
"Each of these proposals was perfect for each individual."
"While it's true it doesn't matter where you propose, it doesn't matter in the context of there's no right/wrong place to do it in general, as long as it's something that is in line with your partner's taste."- Answer_The_Walrus
"I always thought it would be the worst thing ever to be proposed to in a restaurant with everyone else staring and potentially clapping?"
"Big yikes for an introvert."
"But this dude managed to take that horror level and obliterate it."
"The GYM?"
"Oh hell no."
"NTA, he needed to hear that truth, he's both clueless and thoughtless."- ZookeepergameOld3851
"WTF does he not have a romantic bone in his body?"
"Absolutely NTA, someone had to give him a reality check."- meowmeowmenace
"NTA."
"I get that he doesn't want to hear after the fact that he deeply f*cked up, but that's the worst proposal location I've ever heard of, and he did ask for your opinion."- lycrashampoo
"NTA."
"He did this for him and had no consideration for how she would feel in the moment."
"Red flag red flag red flag."- Mandiezie1
"NTA."
"Your friend is a knucklehead for proposing at the gym."- jadestem
"Unless they're both huge gym buffs, that's like… the worst possible place he could've chosen, NTA."- Scrabulon
"NTA.'
"He asked for your opinion and you gave it."
"as a girl i hold the very same opinion."
"I wouldn't want to be proposed to in any situation where I'm all sweaty and yucky feeling."-imjustagirlie
"NTA."
"Don't ask a question if you don't want an honest answer."- throwaway-rayray
"NTA."
"I'm not sure why he believed a sweaty gym would be an ideal place for romantic grand gestures."-East_Transition533
"NTA."
"Don't ask a question if you don't want the answer."
"I get why she'd be disappointed, too. Is there some significance there for them as a couple?"
"If yes, IDK why she's actually upse,t but I definitely would've recommended doing it BEFORE she's all sweaty."
"If no, why on earth would he choose that spot?"- EmployPutrid5016
"NTA."
"I never understand when people ask for your opinion and then get mad when you give it."-JadeArgonar
"NTA."
"I figure that, if you're filming your proposal, your proposee wants to look their best."
"The gym is not the place to do that."
"Your friend fumbled and doesn't want to admit it."- SockPirateKnits
"AT THE GYM!"
"NTA."
"Your buddy needs some life lessons."- ThreeFitty-350
"NTA and I hope you both dump this dude."
"He clearly doesn't care about or respect either of you."- Space-Dragon26
"NTA."
"What was he expecting?"
"Was there some reason the gym is special to them?"
"It's the ONLY reason I can figure out that would even make this halfway acceptable."
"As wonderful as it is to be proposed to, she was in the middle of a workout."
'She was sweaty and focused and probably confused."
"Like what kind of low-hanging fruit BS proposal was this, anyway?"
"What I can't figure out is why he thought this was a good idea."- First-Stress-9893
It seems clear that the OP's friend didn't want feedback or advice, merely validation.
What he, and countless others, couldn't seem to fathom was that those actively seeking validation very seldom get it.
One can only hope he gives his fiancée free rein when it comes to planning the wedding...
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.